Vent about my sisters...

[momof3boys]

Im the oldest of three girls. I have two younger sisters, who are age 29 and 19. Over the past couple of years, since the summer of 2010, my littlest sister has changed so much. We've gone from spending a nice summer trip together, and hanging out.... to never speaking.

It broke my heart and hurt my feelings so much.

It all started the year our "middle" sister moved into our parents home. My littlest sister was 16, about to turn 17. In June 2010, my littlest sister went on a trip to coco keys with us. She and I had so much fun. Talking about the boys she liked, and suprisingly, she asked alot of questions I thought she would want to ask our mom about. But she came to me. Which touched me in so many ways. It showed me she really wanted my opinion on alot of different things in life, and she trusted me.

Then over the next couple of months after that, she turned 17 in August 2010. She then started to hang out more with our "middle sister" who gave birth to her second daughter in september 2010. My sister who gave birth that year, also has a older daughter who is now 6 years old. at the time, she was having some issues with her boyfriend and had moved back home with our parents and my littlest sister. But as the time went on, I could see our sister, the one who had the baby, start to "pull her in". She was always asking our little sister to watch her kids, always wanting to go out with my littest sister and her gfs. Now at the time, I dont mind it seeing my sisters hang out together. Go shopping, to a movie, etc. But then they started to go to these night clubs together. They would go out at night, and leave the little ones with our parents. My sister being 27 at the time, I had alot of different feelings about what she was doing. How she was going about her life, and putting certain things first. As time went on, I could tell my little sister moving further away from me. She wouldnt call me no more. She blocked me from facebook. She quit talking to me. I would invite her over for our kids birthdays, and get no answer back. No phone calls. nothing. To top it off... she started seeing a guy who I think is nice, but has a "bad" background. He has a two year old son, and Im afraid my sister is being taken advantage of. He had no car to start off with.... and used her to take his child and him around town. Then this year he finally gets a car, and my mom starts seeing bills from a OB GYN come in! Two thoughts came to her mind... an STD or Pregnancy! She got so sick to her stomach because my sister was only 18! The last thing she wanted to see was two of her kids go down the same path... having kids, being back at home, and living off the goverment.

then comes march 2012, and a huge fight blew up! Our mom had enough! between our mom and my littlest sister, my middle sister had "the life" for being a mom of two little girls, getting to live under our parents roof, with no rent, no bills, no having to pay for food... and when it came to watching the kids while she went to work, my sister took advantage of our mom on her days off... paying her NOTHING. Then on the days our mom did work, my littlest sister would watch them... but sit around and do nothing. The house looked like a wreak. Messy everything. Food on the ground, dirty diapers everywhere. laundry all over the place. on the days where my sister would come home from work, she expected our mom to cook dinner for her kids and her. Not even helping at all with any house hold chores, food...etc. All while this is going on, she is getting a paycheck from her work, food stamps and insurance from the state, and money from the father.

Then I come in to help her out when my littest sister starts classes at college. She needed someone to watch her littlest girl who at the time was one year old, on thursdays. I Love my neice to death. I would gladly help her out. Just getting to spend time with her, is all I wanted.

But it came down to her completely taking advantage of me. I live on the opposite side of the town as she is. But I was doing something nice for her, and instead of hearing "Thank You' for helping out by watching her child when she needed, I got alot of complaining. she would complain to me that we lived too far away, and its too far of a drive to take her little girl to our house on those cold winter mornings. Money wasnt a concern for me at all. But at the time she was having the state help out with babysitting funds to a center or a person. The state of giving our littlest sister $13.50 a day to watch her youngest. When i started watching her little girl, she came straight out and said..."I can only give you $10 each day for 7 hours.... the other 3.50. you have to get from our sister, since she gets the checks from the state".....

Now, if you ask me, that takes guts! To come out and say this to a person who is helping you not for the sake of wanting to get paid, but to go out of my way for at least 8 hours a day to watch her child so she can work, she then tells me she can give me $10 and i have to get the rest myself. No thank you involved at all. I got tired of it. I had to end this. I felt for doing it, but in my eyes, a person especially a relative, shouldnt be treated that way. Then I find out, she paid a friend $20 for 3 hours, when she babysat her little girl while she went out shopping.


Now today I find out my littlest sister is saying Im a negative person, and she does not want me in her life. I asked her "why?" Give me examples of how i am a negative person.

her answer... because she and our middle sister believes I am a "follower" of our mother.. and I am against both of them.

So I guess as of today, I technically still have two sisters.... but I dont have any sisters to hang out with, and have a relationship with. Apart of me feels like Im a only child now...

 

[jemsister]

Oh man, I am so sorry. =( I don't blame you for getting bad vibes over everything that has happened--it sounds like they are up to no good, and are pushing away the good influences in their lives. =( How could they be so hurtful? What a dreadful way to treat someone, let alone their own sister. =( *hugs*

 

[momof3boys]

Oh man, I am so sorry. =( I don't blame you for getting bad vibes over everything that has happened--it sounds like they are up to no good, and are pushing away the good influences in their lives. =( How could they be so hurtful? What a dreadful way to treat someone, let alone their own sister. =( *hugs*

I see it the same way. I asked my sister today how can she tell me Ive been a negative person, when all Ive done is help. I help as much as I can. If its not baby sitting my niece, its helping my littlest sister with repairing her car. My husband went to college for being a mechanic and does alot of good work on our cars. so if I can help her out in anyway, I am sure going to do all i can. Heck ive saved her alot of money by having my husband do the work, rather than take it to a shop and have them charge her their hourly labor rate. But I guess all the good things Ive done, they say is being replaced by all the "negative" things... Funny this is that they cant even give me one example of a negative thing Ive done. onder:

 

[cher1985]

sometimes family can be jerks about the way they think you are treating them. Trust me when I say I totally understand what you are going though only its 2 of my older brothers who want nothing to do with us and oh yeah both of their wife's hate my mom.

my oldest brother needed to seek wise consul, before getting married since his (at the time) wife to be already had a kid. he didn't want that so he moved out(2004).

the youngest of my older brothers met a woman online and before they met in person, after only texting for about 3wks and talking on the phone for 2 and a half, they where engaged(oct. 2007) and they met in person jan. 2008 in germany, we haven't really heard anything from him since...... my sister and this brother where the best of friends until he "met" his wife.

With my oldest brother he at least invited us to the wedding as if we where just friends and nothing more, never met her family until 2 years ago when they came back into our life's, then they needed help with the kids and for a while it was the 4y/o that would get dropped off at my parents house until the mrs got out of work. Then jan. of last year my brother got a morning job and they would need us 7-3 on mondays and fridays. no thank you's no money.

Now you want to talk about cold hearted? last april our mom had a stroke and we called to let them know that dad had taken her to the ER to be checked out(sunday night), well we get a call back no word of a lie from that brother asking if we could still baby-sit the next morning. and never asked how mom was doing or how my sister and i where doing since it was just the 2 of us at home and awake.

but the wife's have no problems calling my mother all kinds of names, calling my middle older brother names, my sister and I got a few BAD ones from them both. oddly though they don't seem to call my dad any names.

in short(lol) I'm just letting you know that I understand and you may have to back away for a time. Its going to be tough but it is something that needs to happen to show them what they are walking away from(a great sister). Talk to your husband, maybe he could not know whats wrong with one of their cars so they'll have to know what REAL life is like.

 

[acpollard2010]

every family has some type of drama i dont talk to any of my sisters and they live in another state and my mom ended up in the hospital and had to have several surgeries and i had to hear her tellin a friend so i went off on all 3 of my older sisters and told em not to contact me unless it concerns our mother

 

[MuayThaiFighter]

That sucks they both did some stupid stuff like that. Blood needs to stay true to blood. Family is important, but peolpe are very selfish. Some aren't born with common sense. If they want to go down a road acting like children and taking advantage of you and your mom. Let them suffer, your to nice of a person to deal with that crap. You have two sons. Hope everything works out. At least you turned out right!

 

[Autumn Breeze]

(((((((((((super hugs)))))))))))))

One of my sisters in law did something very similar. I don't have blood sisters, so you can imagine how excited I was to get married and gain two sisters! They're now 19 and 21, and I was looking forward to it when they 'grew up'. I'm 30, so it's not like we hang out and go clubbing, but I felt like I could have sisters to talk to.

Well, the younger one is a lot like that. She'll be all sweet and kiss up to you, to get what she wants, then she's gone. She's just lucky I have a BIG heart and love to help people. Otherwise she would have had NO childbirth education and would have had to fend for herself in Labor and Delivery. My mother in law has seen fit to thank me about 15 times in the last 3 months for that. My SIL..not once.

I'll be your sister!!

 

[huskymom]

Don't feel like you are alone with this....I have a brother who refuses to talk to me. He will talk to my twin sister, even invited her to his house for Thanksgiving! Don't get me wrong, I am glad that she has a good relationship with him. At least he did "friend" me on facebook, however, he only lists her as his sister. Aren't families fun? In your case, just stop doing all that you have been doing. let them see how much you were helping them. It is time for them to take care of themselves!!

 

[momof3boys]

sometimes family can be jerks about the way they think you are treating them. Trust me when I say I totally understand what you are going though only its 2 of my older brothers who want nothing to do with us and oh yeah both of their wife's hate my mom.

my oldest brother needed to seek wise consul, before getting married since his (at the time) wife to be already had a kid. he didn't want that so he moved out(2004).

the youngest of my older brothers met a woman online and before they met in person, after only texting for about 3wks and talking on the phone for 2 and a half, they where engaged(oct. 2007) and they met in person jan. 2008 in germany, we haven't really heard anything from him since...... my sister and this brother where the best of friends until he "met" his wife.

With my oldest brother he at least invited us to the wedding as if we where just friends and nothing more, never met her family until 2 years ago when they came back into our life's, then they needed help with the kids and for a while it was the 4y/o that would get dropped off at my parents house until the mrs got out of work. Then jan. of last year my brother got a morning job and they would need us 7-3 on mondays and fridays. no thank you's no money.

Now you want to talk about cold hearted? last april our mom had a stroke and we called to let them know that dad had taken her to the ER to be checked out(sunday night), well we get a call back no word of a lie from that brother asking if we could still baby-sit the next morning. and never asked how mom was doing or how my sister and i where doing since it was just the 2 of us at home and awake.

but the wife's have no problems calling my mother all kinds of names, calling my middle older brother names, my sister and I got a few BAD ones from them both. oddly though they don't seem to call my dad any names.

in short(lol) I'm just letting you know that I understand and you may have to back away for a time. Its going to be tough but it is something that needs to happen to show them what they are walking away from(a great sister). Talk to your husband, maybe he could not know whats wrong with one of their cars so they'll have to know what REAL life is like.

Thats so sad that when something bad happens in a family, they can act that way. Its like they dont even care at all about the health of a loved one. It just makes me sick how some people can act.

That sucks they both did some stupid stuff like that. Blood needs to stay true to blood. Family is important, but peolpe are very selfish. Some aren't born with common sense. If they want to go down a road acting like children and taking advantage of you and your mom. Let them suffer, your to nice of a person to deal with that crap. You have two sons. Hope everything works out. At least you turned out right!

Aww thanks buddy! Yeah, Ive come to the decision that Im done with them. I was trying to make sure to have some contact between us. At least checking in with my sister who has the little girls, to say hi. See how things were going. etc. But even when I did check in, the next thing I knew, she was going to our littlest sister and turning things around to say I complain about my life. When in all reality, Im very much happy with my life. It shocked me to hear my little baby sister say those things, when I ask her why she would say those things, who told her those things when I hardly ever talk to my baby sister... of course it would be our middle sister saying it all. She's the only one I talk to out of the two. Our baby sister never calls me back, and flat out lied to me yesterday saying I never invite her to our kid's birthdays. I said for her to get her phone or brain fixed.. because there would be so many voice mails left on her phone from me.... LOL onder::roflmao:Im leaving it in gods hands for now. I cant go on thinking about this stuff. Its going to cause stress and thats the last thing I need.

(((((((((((super hugs)))))))))))))

One of my sisters in law did something very similar. I don't have blood sisters, so you can imagine how excited I was to get married and gain two sisters! They're now 19 and 21, and I was looking forward to it when they 'grew up'. I'm 30, so it's not like we hang out and go clubbing, but I felt like I could have sisters to talk to.

Well, the younger one is a lot like that. She'll be all sweet and kiss up to you, to get what she wants, then she's gone. She's just lucky I have a BIG heart and love to help people. Otherwise she would have had NO childbirth education and would have had to fend for herself in Labor and Delivery. My mother in law has seen fit to thank me about 15 times in the last 3 months for that. My SIL..not once.

I'll be your sister!!

Aww thank you hun. Its always nice having sisters!

Don't feel like you are alone with this....I have a brother who refuses to talk to me. He will talk to my twin sister, even invited her to his house for Thanksgiving! Don't get me wrong, I am glad that she has a good relationship with him. At least he did "friend" me on facebook, however, he only lists her as his sister. Aren't families fun? In your case, just stop doing all that you have been doing. let them see how much you were helping them. It is time for them to take care of themselves!!

you're right. Im done helping them. Im done calling them. Alot of this crap has to do with our parents divorce. My mom after many years, finally told herself to get out! In august she gave the papers to my dad and said its done and over with. Since then, my sisters have felt "sorry" for our dad. they are mad at our mom, and has some alot of hateful things to her. But becuase I can see why my mom did it, they think Im on "her side" and "follow her". Even my own dad told me he doesnt want to see his three girls go down the road of us not spending time together, or talking like we should be. But the sad thing is that he's the one causing it. He calls up the middle sister and tells her that Im being selfish like my mom... and Im like my mom's side of the family... then my sister agrees with my dad,,, and then runs to our baby sister and she then gets sucks in, and goes with them on all of this. Basicly since March of this year, its been two sides... "dad and two sisters"... VS "Mom and Me"..... I can only leave it in god's hands now and pray that everyone is looked after.

 

[Nakamova]

It's tough when people "choose sides" after a split. In some ways it's understandable that it happens, but there's no reason entire families have to be ripped apart as a result. It's too easy for people to start blaming the "other side" for any problems that they are having. People can nurse real or imagined grudges forever, at least based on the experience of my sister and her ex. And it's her son that gets caught in the middle.

I hope that you and your sisters reconcile eventually Kristin, but in the meantime you have to protect yourself from toxic emotions and situations.

 

[momof3boys]

You're right Nakamova.

I spoke with my mom this morning and we both agree'd we can't do anything or say anything to my sisters to try to make things better. It sucks that our dad is in the middle of us, which in my book, doesnt help at all. Being a parent of three young kids, I certainly wouldnt come between my kids if i were in his shoes. But its his choice that he has made, and if he comes around and can see what its causing, there isnt much I can do in the meantime. So Im going to go on about things, take care of my family and support my mother through this hard time. I'll always have my door open to them. But thats up to them if they want to change things.

 

[Claire7]

I know exactly what you are going through right now. I have an older sister (only by 2 years!) and its taken years for me to realise what she has put me through. She has constantly found ways of belittling me and making me feel that Im not good enough. She has a very successful business, lots of money and a big house near London. She has 4 boys with the youngest being born only a few weeks ago. (I'm not welcome to meet him) one of the main reason I feel she hates me now is that I have a daughter. I have 3 children (boy, girl, boy) and each time I have been pregnant she has made my life hell and I've always gone back for more!!!
I am wondering if my 2 seizures have been related to stress. The first one I had was 3 weeks after I told her I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. She spent an hour screaming down the phone at me and didnt understand why I 'needed' to have another baby when I already had a boy and a girl. I was so depressed and low when I had that first one as I felt no one was happy for me as they were scared of upsetting her.
When She she fell pregnant with her 4th earlier on this year, I kept getting lectures from her about going to get my tubes tied so I didn't have another 'accident.' By may this year she totally cut me out of her life and have not seen or spoken to her since. I text her about 4 times throughout June but no reply. I was so upset. Early July I ended up having my second seizure 4 years after first. I have also just found out that the reason she stopped talking to me was because she thought I was pregnant! If only my life during the past 6 months had been that simple!
Someone please tell me that her behaviour is not normal! Do you think the stress caused by her could have contributed to my 2 random seizures???

 

[momof3boys]

Claire7, I wish we both didnt have these kind of stresses in life. reading your post made my heart break. Its not fair for anyone to be treated that way at all. Stress can most definitly cause seizures to come about. For me, its stress and lack of sleep that gets the best of me when it comes to seizures. For me, ive come to realize since posting about this, that i just need to move on with my life. My sisters behaviors, along with my own father's, which in everyone's eyes is what's keeping all of this crap going.... its not good for me. I dont need this negative impact in my life. I cant do anything about it, its up to them to change things. So I choose to just focus on the positive things and wish them all the best.

 

[jemsister]

Claire, goodness no, that behavior isn't (and shouldn't be) normal. How can people be so hurtful? =( She sounds really bitter about how her life has gone, and is taking it out on you. How is your reproductive life any of her business??

 

[Claire7]

I think you are right mom of 3 boys. What you said totally related to how I must try and move on from this. Its her problem not mine. Its not good for us or anybody to be treated this way and I certainly don't want to be stressed anymore!!! It's just sad that I am not seeing my nephews. I have spent the last 11 years feeling guilty and ashamed for getting pregnant and having babies (especially a girl!) although I am in my 30's and happily married! I am now thinking why did I let her ruin the most special moments in my life?
Mom of 3 boys - you obviously only have boys and you mentioned that your sister had a girl. I guess you were fine about this. Normal people are just pleased that their babies are healthy! My little girl who is now 8 asked me the other day if my sister hated me because of her. It broke my heart to hear her say that. She then asked if she hated her because she was a girl. I wished my sister could have heard her but it seems over the years she has got so cold hearted, i'm sure she wouldn't have cared.

Although my seizure was 4 and a half months ago now, she only found out about it 2 weeks ago when she allowed my mum to go up there and meet the baby. My mum said there was a look of concern accross her face for about half a second and then she said that I must be pregnant now as I was pregnant the first time it happened! Its a joke - she is obsessed with the thought of me being pregnant!!! The sad thing is I would love another baby but I just can't. I am petrified of the stress I endured having my last 3 because of her. I can't put myself through that. Its such a shame. I just wished I had a sister that supported and loved me.

Sorry to rant about this but its lovely to get this off my chest to people who understand and don't judge!

Mom of 3 boys - I think your story really touched me and i'm going to try and follow your advice to yourself of leaving the door open for her if she is willing to change but concentrate on my life and my family!

 

[momof3boys]

Mom of 3 boys - you obviously only have boys and you mentioned that your sister had a girl. I guess you were fine about this. Normal people are just pleased that their babies are healthy!


Mom of 3 boys - I think your story really touched me and i'm going to try and follow your advice to yourself of leaving the door open for her if she is willing to change but concentrate on my life and my family!

Yes, even though I didnt have a girl, Im just thanful that all my little ones came out healthy and happy! My sister always thought I was jealous of her since she had two girls, and I have three boys. But Im not jealous at all. I just want all healthy kids. Who knows, the way I look at it, my kids would grow up and get married and give me a grand daughter to spoil! Something I would love to do! But even if they have all boys themselves, I would still be happy. The fact that I had all boys and no girls, doesnt matter to me.

I wouldnt let anything bother you. Who cares what they say or think. dont let it get to you. Its what matters in your heart that counts. As long as you are happy with your life, who cares what others think. Its not worth stressing over, or worrying what other think. If they want to think what they want, let them. But the important thing is that you do what makes you happy and what you want.