morganomics
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Autumn is blowing into the Midwest, we must gather our nuts and if we are nuts we must gather some peace of mind before winter. Well here I am again in the same situation, though a few things have changed. I had a four day video eeg last week at IU hospitals in Indianapolis. I want desperately to feel better and I feel a big part of becoming well is knowing what is wrong. Some good did come from the EEG even though the entirety of the data has yet to be combed through by the neurologist. I felt a bit more stable while I was in the hospital, a routine of morning meds, shots and ordering meals kept me in a decent state of mind, but the vacation of course always has to come to an end. The young amiable yet slightly cocky neurologist told me that there weren't any epileptiform activity during the duration of the test though he was quick to say that even if there wa a lack of evidence it doesn't rule out epilepsy. He also noted that I went into REM sleep too quickly that it might have been because of the sleeping situation, though I felt really rested. Falling asleep at the drop of the hat along with all the other narcolepsy/ cataplexy symptoms I most definitely experience along with the occassional aura. Even college/high school teachers and friends have wittnessed my strange sleeping events it was incorporated into their view of my personaility for better or worse. I'm exhausted, extremely poor waiting for SSI to kick in and so frustrated it makes me feel self-destructive or even suicidal. I have been really sensitive to caffeine since I returned from the hospital and it makes me really agitated, so I'm drinking water at Starbucks instead. The things that most make me upset at the moment is my lack of income, which shuts my phone down for a few days, the lack of cooperation from my mom to lend me her vehicle when I need help delivering furniture I design and build. Its like I have to take so many steps back in order to move forward, it just doesn't make any sense. The struggle of always striggling is wearing thin and I can feel that dark impulsive feeling setting in. I wish there was a place I could be rehabilitated, where a social worker would help with my social security situation, and where I could work on housing and moving forward. I just sink all the time and I cannot hold onto gains, I admit I am powerless to do this on my own and that I need level headed help to save my life. Any ideas or advice? I'm ready to listen and take on new approaches. Thanks.