Violent Partner with epilepsy

[ginger123]

Hi just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to manage my husband who has grand mal seizures every few weeks. After his last seizure (he had 6 Gm ones in a day) he seems to become more voilent than before. He has hit me numerous times and shouted at the kids constantly. He had his fits a week ago and things are no better. He is short tempered and i dare'nt say anything to him as it makes him worse. He has been epileptic for 10 years now and on meds but they don't work. I have four children, two of which are autistic and very noisy and i find it hard to manage everything. I am beginning to hate my husband of 15 years as whatever i seem to do he gets angry at. He says he is going to kill me then himself and the last straw was the other evening when in front of his kids and me, he said he was going to hang himself and went into the garden. The kids were hysterical and so was i. I don't know what to do and how to handle him when he is like this. He is voilent to me in front of the kids and violent towards his eldest daughter. These episodes occur only after a GM seizure which is every month and they last about 2 weeeks. I feel like i'm at breaking point and don't know what to do....i don't want this anymore. Do i have to put up with this for the rest of my life......no one understands as i do not tell anyone but i am thinking about going to see my GP. Ii don't feel safe here at home but have no where to go and kids in the middle of exams and they are'nt doing very well at them because of homelife. What should i do. at the moment i feel so low i wish i was dead.

 

[sjconner]

Please, please, please call someone and get help. Talk to your GP. You must protect yourself and your children.

 

[Nakamova]

:agree:
Your husband needs better seizure control -- and, more importantly, you and your family need to be safe until that can happen. Does the neurologist know that your husband is having seizures, and that he is horribly violent and abusive in the aftermath? Call the neuro immediately. He needs to take emergency steps to evaluate and improve your husband's current treatment.

 

[Chris515]

Definitely call someone and get help as soon as possible.. if he's hitting you and possibly endangering your children then it is best for you to get away from him. Any form of epilepsy would not cause someone to act like this for weeks after a seizure..

I hope you can find somewhere to go.. we're praying for you.

 

[Chaz1]

So sorry……

I agree 100% with the others..

CALL FOR HELP.

Get in touch with his neurologist, sometimes these E meds can cause behavioral issues.

But he sure is on a downward spiral and cannot be allowed to take the whole family with him, he also needs to reach out for help to his doctors......and if not, there will be consequences.....he cannot be allowed to terrify you all

protect you and your children and call for help.......FAST>>

 

[Cint]

I agree, also. Contact the dr. ASAP! Even though his epilepsy/meds may cause behavioral issues, you do not need to put up with this violent and dangerous partner.

Some types of seizures can cause violent outbursts. Once my neuro told me one of her other patients tried to attack her in the office (during one of his seizures) and they had to call 911. So do call his neuro, NOW, and tell him/her what is going on. Like Nakamova said, sounds like he needs to be re-evaluated.

 

[qtowngirl]

what medication is he on? keppra by any chance? it is aka as 'kepprage,' and for a reason. if he is, gently try talking to him when he's 'normal' about getting off it asap.

and everyone's right, call the neuro's office NOW and tell them what you've been dealing with. if his neuro is busy/can't see you for awhile, explain it to the nurse or receptionist there and ask for anyone who can see you NOW.

i cannot imagine what you are going through, so sorry to hear. coming from us who have had epilepsy for years, this is an emergency situation, and though it's not necessarily his 'fault,' it's still vital.

pls keep us posted and know you have support here. (((((BIG))))) hugs sweetie.

 

[ginger123]

hi again,

it is keppra and tegretol he takes daily, for what good they do. I have decided to go and see the GP tomorrow, i have spoke to my hubby about going but he does'nt see the need which makes it harder for me as i am not sure the gp can do anything. He is waiting for a new neurologist appt to come through i will keep in touch and let you all know whats happening. thanks for your support.

 

[jemsister]

You need to get yourself and your children away from him, and then definitely call the doctor. If he is that violent with you and your daughter, you have to protect yourselves first. You can't help him if he is victimizing you, even if the behavior is seizure related. You really must get yourself and your kids to a safe place of some kind--family, friend, whatever. Putting yourselves in danger won't help him any more than finding a temporary haven, so please seek the haven first.

 

[ginger123]

thanks for all your kind replies, i am going to stick with it and see if he immproves in the next few days, tonight he seems to have cheered up but a bottle of beer seems to have helped. hopefully he wil be back to his self in a few days, what else can i do i can't abandon him when he is vulunerable can i?
i know some might think that i am stupid but i really do feel that i know what i am doing and i only have his best interests at heart because i do love him no matter how he is acting at the moment i know it is only down to the horrid condition epilepsy. I should not really moan about it as i don;t have the condition but it effects the whole family and sometimes i feel that he has it easy because it is us, his family that suffer.....people do not realise that sometimes. i will keep everyone in touch and thanks again for all your advice.

 

[Cint]

Ii don't feel safe here at home but have no where to go and kids in the middle of exams and they are'nt doing very well at them because of homelife. What should i do. at the moment i feel so low i wish i was dead.

Because of this statement you need to see someone ASAP before you harm yourself or before your husband does something to you or one of the children.

tonight he seems to have cheered up but a bottle of beer seems to have helped. hopefully he wil be back to his self in a few days, what else can i do i can't abandon him when he is vulunerable can i?
i know some might think that i am stupid but i really do feel that i know what i am doing and i only have his best interests at heart because i do love him no matter how he is acting at the moment i know it is only down to the horrid condition epilepsy. I should not really moan about it as i don;t have the condition but it effects the whole family and sometimes i feel that he has it easy because it is us, his family that suffer.....people do not realise that sometimes. i will keep everyone in touch and thanks again for all your advice.

None of you are safe in this hostile environment, even tho your husband has an illness that is not his fault. I do know what it is like. You won't be abandoning him if you seek help for him and the rest of the family. It is a dangerous situation. It does not get any better on it's own.
And yes, seizures DO effect the whole family. My children saw me go through terrible mood swings and horrible seizures. 911 was called several times and the kids were thinking their mother was going to die. The family needs help, now. In my case, epilepsy ruined the family life. Get help now.

 

[MuayThaiFighter]

That is some scary stuff and needs to be taken seriously asap. You need to call for your safety and the safety of your children. Something is not right with his treatment.

When my seizures were out of control my behavior was scary, I never hurt anyone or made threats but I was just erratic. Depending on where these seizures hit a person it can be impossible to understand what is going on during a seizure or after. Either way you need to have him see a Dr. because one day those threats will become a reality. Just be careful and I hope things work out.

 

[Hand of Blood]

I am on keppra and tegretol and I have serious depression, I also get very angry nd aggressive ive hit my partner for no reason and shout at him all the time! I also get very short with my son and shout at him for no reason ( I have ever harmed him tho )
I think its the mix of tabs they really don't go well together and im going to get off keppra. Please make him get off that keppra its a terrible drug!

 

[huskymom]

PLEASE don't wait, you need to call for help! I would beg the doctor for a new MRI and blood work. This is not normal at all. I know that you love him and that he is otherwise a great guy, but it only takes a second for you all to be gone. You have to get your children out of the house until all of this is taken care of. They don't need or want to see their dad acting this way. (((HUGS)))

 

[petero]

hi again,

it is keppra and tegretol he takes daily, for what good they do. I have decided to go and see the GP tomorrow, i have spoke to my hubby about going but he does'nt see the need which makes it harder for me as i am not sure the gp can do anything. He is waiting for a new neurologist appt to come through i will keep in touch and let you all know whats happening. thanks for your support.

I agree with everyone above - it sounds like you do need help - others have suggested methods already

I'm pretty sure keppra/levitiracetam was main culprit that led to a psychotic seizure period I had - totally unlike seizures I'd had before... you might want to get that checked and try to get him off keppra

epilepsy is tough to live with, and I can definitely side somewhat with him re: anyone around me during my seizures is definitely put in the hate category (probably fortunate then I can't remember jack squat - but too bad I'm always compelled to try to fill in those blanks!)

and maybe he needs his meds re-evaluated
it sounds to me like he's being a jerk
epilepsy can cause jerk-ish behavior, so can meds - but then again some people are just jerks

 

[petero]

God I hate sounding just like what I dread. It's hard enough to deal with all of this shit as it is and then when I mention the issues with people it just leads to suggestions about what to do, which is more likely to be just stress more than anything - great, now more things I need to do that I can't drive to, that I can't afford, that I don't understand, that I feel as punishment, and usually involving forms, more things that are muddling my already obliterated existence... I want to say thanks but no thanks but then it's these people upon whom I rely for certain things

 

[ginger123]

Thanks for all your kind responses, well, i'm still here, partner's still here and kids are ok....... i resent my partner for being the way he is, i can't bear to be near him now, i have no sympathy or kindness feelings for him even though i know he cannot help his epilepsy, after years of abuse and his hatred to me i think i feel the same towards him but at the moment i see no way out of the situation. i only hope that his neurologist will help him and then maybe when he is emotionally stronger i will leave him and start to live my life and my childrens the way i feel right. He is alot better now and slowly becoming himself again until next time in 4 weeks when it will start all over again and we all will have another 2 weeks of shouting etc. I feel so selfish because i feel this way, i know that i have'nt got epilepsy so who am i to moan about all of it but i wish, sometimes that i was away from that word in my life and my children just lived a normal life, with a normal dad doing normal things and normal relationship that i had when i was a kid. I know now in my own mind that i am going to ask him to leave but at the moment he would only take the easy option out with a rope so i have to wait until he feels confident living his own life without me and i wait until then, but i have no idea when it will be.....thanks again for all your support and advice.

 

[PFunk]

Hi Ginger, I don't think anyone posted it but it sounds like he is going through postical phychosis (my biggest fear). It can take a few hour, to days or weeks to surface following a TC seizure. It developes in people with longterm uncontrolled epilespy. Apparently if it is recognized it is easily treatable. While your number one priority is your family's safety, if he is a good man outside of these instances, don't give up on him. One of my biggest fears is something like this maybe happening in the future. I would never want to hurt my family. My wife and I have talked about this so she is aware what to look for.

Below is a link and an excerpt from the article but look around because there is better info out there. Also, if you think to, keep us update.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2265810/

Postical psychosis often complicates chronic epilepsy, especially in patients with seizure clusters that include tonic–clonic seizures, bilateral cerebral dysfunction (e.g., bilateral epileptiform activity or history of encephalitis), and a family history of psychiatric illness. Psychosis includes delusions, auditory and visual hallucinations, mood changes, and aggressive behavior. It typically emerges after a lucid interval of hours or days after the last seizure. This treatable disorder is associated with serious morbidity and mortality.

 

[ginger123]

Thanks for the last post this sounds like it exactly, usually after about 2 weeks he's back to his old self until the next seizures then it all starts again. We are going to see a specialist in a few weeks so will mention it all to him and hopefully get it sorted out with new meds I can cope fine with his seizures it's just the two weeks afterwards he never apologises for his behaviour intact sometimes I don't think he can remember what he has said and done. I will let you all know what happens. Thanks for all your advice I think he is one of the small minority suffering from PP.

 

[Chaz1]

Hopefully his specialist will find some answers and provide help and direction on how to deal with/fix the aftermath of your husband’s seizures

Take good care ginger....keep in touch, we will all be looking forward to hearing how you're doing.