anyone experience this?

[petero]

I posted this on yahoo answers so the context of the question is a little off, but I wonder if any of this sounds like a relatable experience (except about Adriana, which is probably very relatable)
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I have epilepsy and maybe some mild ADD

one trigger I seem to have, or at least a panic issue, and panic can trigger seizures, is groups of people
I'm quite introverted, I like being around intimate groups.. large groups like dance clubs or something are not so bad, because there is loud music
but when I'll be in restaurants, or places where there might be many people talking, it seems at times I will overhear bits of conversations from all around the room and try to make sentences, to make sense of clumps of words that in are from different conversations

I've maybe done this my whole life- and I think it's one reason I've become so introverted. A dissociation thing. if I'm having a conversation, sometimes it might seem I'm not paying attention, doing things with my hands or something, and it might seem rude to some people who don't think on layers like I do.
and a lot of the time I'll sit and tap out rhythms with my hands, or make word associations with things people I'm conversing with say

my attention in these larger groups seems to be sortof like a spatial thing- maybe akin to how blind people can figure out what the room they're in is like
I'm a guitarist, and a lot of the time it's easier for me to play scales and triads and things with my eyes closed.
and as an artist I also like the spatial and visual aspect of my non-visual, non-ocular, "vision"
but in groups and things- especially in loud places, well really louder places aren't that bad, because it's harder to differentiate between people's voices

I need to sleep with a fan on, or static noise radio, or droning

in retrospect, sober 8 years, I'm wondering if the alcohol "blur" is one of the reasons I needed to drink, and the panic issues associated with being among groups like I described, to just blur, or shut off - tune out, drone out

I think my brain works much much faster, processing different types of data - but sitting and having a conversation one on one, often I'm just lost

I've worked with sampling music before, and I'll relate this phenomenon to samples used in music. Different bits from different songs to make an entirely different phrase.
and in that regard, I really love my abilities
but I have a hard time coping when there are groups, maybe 10-15 people in an area..

so my question is - do you think I'll be able to get a date with Adriana? she works in the office next to me. she's pretty durn cute.

wait where was I
I guess I don't care - I need to avoid those types of situations
f--- it

as I have been typing this even, the room I'm in has filled quite a bit, in a cafe, and initially I was experiencing what I was talking about - hence the question - and now I feel much more comfortable

the room before sounded like "...logging... plate... peppermint.. appropriate.. wave... Starbucks" type of things - maybe my mind just gets into a frenzy trying to make sense of these random things...
now the room sounds like "ba..rg..sh. ac..z..jk..." you get the idea

so what do you think?
and Adriana?
lol<<<

 

[valeriedl]

Does she know you have epilepsy? That really doesn't matter unless you want it to matter though.

Is there somewhere that you'd feel comfortable taking her on that first date? Somewhere that you've been before that you were ok being at. First dates don't mean sitting at a candle lit table and a fancy resturant any more. On my first date with my husband he took me out for ice cream, something simple like that.

I have a real problem thinking of words that I'm trying to use in a sentence, I don't know if that's what you are talking about that you deal with or not. I'll be in the middle of talking about something and the word I'm going to say is just gone so I try to describe what it is. For example I'll be in the middle of a sentence talking about my yard, then all of a sudden I can't think of the word so I say "You know those big things with the leaves on them". The person will look at me and say "Trees?" I usually start laughing and tell the person that I can never think of the right word to say.

I even called the help line for my phone one time and in the middle of talking to the person I couldn't think of the word phone. I had to say "Oh the thing called for the reason I called for help about". I know the lady probably thought I was crazy but I just laughed about it, I thought it was pretty funny.

I'm always tapping my foot or my fingers. I never realize I'm doing it most of the time. If you notice yourself doing it just tell her that you always do it, it's the truth right?

Give it a try. If it moves past the first date and possibly more dates after that then you could start to expalin things that are going on with you. That's one way to find out if she's worth keeping around too, if she understands she'll stay. If she doesn't understand then she's not worth getting upset about if she leaves.

 

[Chel]

I used to need sound (the radio or TV) to help me sleep, and have ... oh darn, talk about not remembering the names of things ... permanent white noise in my ears, so there is always noise in my world. So I can relate to that aspect of what you're saying. These days, I need quiet and dark. How things change.

Also, when I'm in a room with many people, I also pick up words from many different conversations. This is my take on it, and I think a psych backed this up many years ago, but it's only a theory: I was raised in an abusive household (multi forms of abuse) and pretty much unprotected, so was always 'hyper-alert' to my surroundings. Picking up on words from multiple conversations is my 'radar' scanning the crowd for key trigger words (not E triggers) which might indicate I'm in danger. I've all but learned not to 'scan' these days, but noticed I did it on the weekend, when I made a complete sentence from ten other peoples' conversations! I'm no longer on high alert, but it might be as you say, an attention span problem.

Similarly, I can't keep my feet still, but usually the only time I tap my fingers (or tap my fingers onto my thumbs - count, one, two, three, four) is when I'm anxious. Admittedly that's not often, and if I can figure out what I'm anxious about, I can control it.

As you're a recovering alcoholic, I guess you've been through all sorts of self-help programs, and know how to look within yourself for the answers. That's probably not what you're asking for with your post (?). I can only say, I relate to most of what you've mentioned.

As for Adriana? Umm, music is a big interest for you, and as you've sampled and played, you would know a wide range; maybe that's a starting point - for conversation, and maybe to go to a club?

 

[petero]

I used to need sound (the radio or TV) to help me sleep, and have ... oh darn, talk about not remembering the names of things ... permanent white noise in my ears, so there is always noise in my world. So I can relate to that aspect of what you're saying. These days, I need quiet and dark. How things change.

Also, when I'm in a room with many people, I also pick up words from many different conversations. This is my take on it, and I think a psych backed this up many years ago, but it's only a theory: I was raised in an abusive household (multi forms of abuse) and pretty much unprotected, so was always 'hyper-alert' to my surroundings. Picking up on words from multiple conversations is my 'radar' scanning the crowd for key trigger words (not E triggers) which might indicate I'm in danger. I've all but learned not to 'scan' these days, but noticed I did it on the weekend, when I made a complete sentence from ten other peoples' conversations! I'm no longer on high alert, but it might be as you say, an attention span problem.

Similarly, I can't keep my feet still, but usually the only time I tap my fingers (or tap my fingers onto my thumbs - count, one, two, three, four) is when I'm anxious. Admittedly that's not often, and if I can figure out what I'm anxious about, I can control it.

As you're a recovering alcoholic, I guess you've been through all sorts of self-help programs, and know how to look within yourself for the answers. That's probably not what you're asking for with your post (?). I can only say, I relate to most of what you've mentioned.

As for Adriana? Umm, music is a big interest for you, and as you've sampled and played, you would know a wide range; maybe that's a starting point - for conversation, and maybe to go to a club?

I think panic could very well be related to the automatisms of picking out words, forming "sentences"
I get very fidgety also.