Struggling Student

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hotwire

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It's been a really, really bad week. Ever since the college year started I've started getting more and more seizures. I have TLE and have been experiencing simple partial and absence seizures regularly.

I'm in culinary and it's physically demanding and I love it but the seizures have slowed me down. I cant move around as quickly as everyone else and my memory can be terrible. Some days I'm good but others days it's a living nightmare. There have been rumours circulating and people talking behind my back that I'm just a moron and don't belong in the program (I can proudly say I'm above average grade wise but Im still feeling the sting). Even my instructors express their doubts.

Only my close friend knows that I have epilepsy, no other students or instructors know. Some would call that dumb given the environment I'm in but most people I tell treat me like I'm contagious or like I'm impaired. If I don't tell them they think negative things anyways. Its a no win situation.

It wouldn't bother me what they think except they manage to push me around the kitchen and give me all the grunt work and I'm so exhausted that Ive stopped standing up for myself. I've been laughed at and mocked. i'm so exhausted. i can't stand being at school right now. It's started to make me angry and hate myself. I got into a fight with one of my instructors about my lack of enthusiasm in the kitchen. I had to walk away that day because I felt like I'd lash out at the simplest of things.

I'm at the point where I can't cope. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And for the first time I'm really starting to feel alone. They don't understand how it feels.
 
((Hugs))...I want to help, truly I do...But I don't have epilepsy, my 4yr old son does :( ...I can't imagine :( .. So keeping this in mind, I would most def. tell that you do have epilepsy. Yes, there will still be those who will be jerks. But I bet that there will be some that will step up and be supportive. Hang in there hun...I wish I could offer better advice.
 
I've gone through the exact same thing. To this day I don't like people in groups because of how they react not just if they know I have seizures but how I'm perceived if I am if I'm post-ictal. In high school I was never able to convince anyone (teachers/principal included) that I didn't do drugs.

I've also learned that as far as work/school go it is best to keep the fact that I have seizures to myself. In massage college we were learning how to treat a client if they did have a seizure and we were told to never treat them differently. Someone asked the teacher a question she couldn't answer couldn't answer so I answered it. The next day I was pulled out of class & had a strip torn off me for not telling anyone. From that point on I was being called down to the office for reasons so vague I still don't know what they were for. They eventually told me I had to leave because it made my classmates uncomfortable.
 
Thanks AnnaM :)

I'm sorry to hear about your son, but it sounds like he has an amazing mother. It does make it easier when you have people around to support you. Even if you don't have epilepsy yourself you still have a very good idea of the impact it can have when someone you love has it.

Ive spent the last few nights on the fence debating whether or not to say something to those at school. I'm guessing unless I want things to get worse I need to speak with my instructor.
 
epileric

See that would be my biggest fear is getting the boot from my program. In high school they essential kept from joining anything but the band class and every time I had a seizure I was immediately moved to the office (which really when I came around caused me mass confusion).

I'm also afraid that if I don't say something and I start having complex partial seizures again I'll get myself in even more hot water.

I have a feeling they wouldn't remove me from the program but some how I doubt they'd leave me unattended at the grill or with a 10'' chef knife in my hand...
 
hotwire said:
I'm also afraid that if I don't say something and I start having complex partial seizures again I'll get myself in even more hot water.

I have a feeling they wouldn't remove me from the program but some how I doubt they'd leave me unattended at the grill or with a 10'' chef knife in my hand...
Click to expand...
Hotwire,

I really do feel for you and want you to succeed in your career. But at the same time I do want you to be safe and not suffer any injuries while on the job. I'm not a chef but I do cook at home and have CPs while at the stove. Once, I was burned while cooking and had to have skin grafts done afterward. You do need to tell someone. Unfortunately, seizures can cause bad accidents.
 
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Cint,

Im glad you brought that up, it really hadn't crossed my mind. Especially since we work with gas stoves (the open flame being the biggest hazard) and the whole iron top heats up. We had one student who turned his back to a stove and next thing you know his whole backside was on fire (he was ok, no burns, which is really lucky).

I really do love what I do despite what others are saying.
 
at this point you probably know more about cooking and safety than myself, but I'll reiterate that a safe kitchen I'm sure is high on everyone's priorities, and that you demonstrating and performing in a safe environment in spite of our physical and mental challenges will be rewarded by your instructors.
I maintain the view that a kitchen is basically a knife and controlled heat and cold, and obviously these are all dangers. Know your tools.
Epilepsy also involves strange mental spaces, and it is way way way easier to see it from the outside in.
I've been there too where everyone has the strange sideways glances and they all know something about me they're not telling me, ranging from the hospital implanting a probe in my head that 'they' are monitoring, to my having been the one who told them bin Laden was in Abbatabad and they caught him May 1 because I said I wanted him caught for my birthday (which is May 5 oddly enough).
people being jealous of you in school isn't uncommon
it can be seen as a competitive environment!
 
Just as quick update I wanted to let you guys know that I did tell one teacher today. It was made easier because of how it was brought up (he was teaching me a new baking technique and I was struggling and he said "It takes time to learn new things, remember when you first started to drive" and I was like "Uh no I've never driven before (well legally anyways, only on the hay fields)" and he was like "What?!" "Im not allowed to drive" "Why not?!" "I have epilepsy").

Anyways his reaction was pretty cool. He's being super nice about giving me the extra help I need when it comes to learning. I've been a bit slower lately considering my seizures have started way more frequently, both while awake and sleeping. The bullying and frustration has gotten worse, but Im trying not to pay attention to it. Definitely a rough semester but I'm trying.
 
Hey Hotwire,

I'm really glad you told your instructor. You need to advise someone for your safety, but also as a legal obligation. Now you've done this, you're covered in both aspects. It sounds like you will finally get the support you need.

I'm in Australia so I'm not sure about Canadian law but if you were excluded from ANY educational program, the organizers would be discriminating against you. In Australia, that is illegal. At my university, I have access to an equity and disability advisor who ensures I am able to complete my assignments, take exams etc to the best of my ability, in spite of my epilepsy. I can do an extra assignment instead of an exam if we arrange it ahead of time. I haven't asked for this so far but it's great knowing that if I have a bad day on the exam day, I won't flunk the whole thing. At least with an assignment, I have 4 weeks to work on it, so I can afford a few bad days.

Can you look into your rights in terms of your education and working environments? You SHOULD NOT be discriminated against, just because you have a medical condition. Don't accept it, it's not fair.

As for the others, are there a few people in particular who still treat you respectfully and could potentially become friends? Maybe tell them? You need some back up, especially if you do have a complex partial. Alternatively, if you feel up to it, pick a day when you're feeling a little more confident and psych yourself up. Waltz up to the biggest bully and say outright "Listen, I have epilepsy, when you've finished acting like a child, google it. Your ignorance is slowing us all down". You'd be surprised how bullies run away and hide when they are singled out. If they are going to give you a hard time, why not tell them and see what happens? It can't possibly be any worse and standing up for yourself might take the stress off and reduce the seizures =)

Well that's what I would do anyway lol =)

Keep going, you're being really strong and brave =)
 
I had seizures during my schhol years (9-20). I can totally feel your pain. There were so many thigns I wanted to do but my declining memory and reduced self-esteem hindered that. Along with my parents over-protectedness. Now that I am 36 I can look back and see why they were so protective. I would say that you should speak with your instructors about your condition. They can not discriminat against you because of your condition. One reason to do so is they may have more consideration for you if they know the truth. Also, safety is a mjor factor. You need to be safe as well as your peers.
 
In high school the only discrimination I faced was when it came to extracurricular activities. I found ways to deal with that (I competed in sports outside of school, and joined the orchestra in school for something to do). Other students made fun of me but it never really bugged me, my friends were pretty amazing about sticking next to me.

College, I told a few select friends and maybe one professor. I don't keep it a secret, but usually I don't say much, mostly because my seizures are not the ones people envision them to be (ie. grand mals) and people will be like "You don't have epilepsy, Ive never seen you seize" ...ok, ya I'll get right on that... and Im too lazy to give a lesson on epilepsy 101...unless it was to a professor who needed to know...but student wise, not worth it.

I always make sure I take all measures to keep myself safe. Like I won't exercise before class...sometimes if I get a head rush after running on the treadmill, it can trigger a seizure up to 30 min after I exercise. I make sure I've eaten and attempt to get a good sleep.

The only problem Im having right now is my learning disabilities which can appear worse when I'm having problems with seizures. I had to leave class on wednesday because a student made a scene in front of the class about how slow i was and how I was a "Useless F*"...needless to say I left the room crying.
 
That sounds like an instance when you should let the teacher know what's going on. No one should be treated like that.
 
Definitely. Ive trying to find the right time; that was a pretty hard blow when that happened, definitely haven't felt the same since. Between that day and today Ive missed classes and had to walk out of others because I didn't feel comfortable. Sadly this sort of thing has happened every year in my 18 years of schooling & it really starts to wear you out.
 
One thing I was wondering if you would be interested in getting testing for a learning disability. I got tested and was diagnosed with delayed processing. It really helped me in college. It gave me extra time on tests and the instructors had a better understanding on how to help me learn.

As far as people making fun of you. They are just ignorant. I am choosey on who I tell too, but those people have no idea. I found a really good friend that I trusted and called them when I had a bad day.

Do you want to work as a chef even if you know it is going to physically stress you out all the time?

Hope that helps
 
Here's a thought.. I attend college but with me, my classes are online and I've been having seizures more often than normal which are slowing me down. I'm doing everything I can not to let them get the better of me but it's not an easy thing to deal with.

I spent last night finishing up writing a paper that still got turned in an hour late but still with all the fighting on it that I ended up doing I only managed to get four resources rather than five to complete it. I did get all of the sections on it done though. I'm frustrated with the seizure activity and I think it's starting to show through.

I am just glad that I don't have to deal with the paper any more.
 
Sorry for the delay! School has been chaotic :(

I've known since I was a child that I have LDs and I always find ways to work around it. Its the attitude of other people that make it such a pain. Its like it bugs them to see someone doing it differently than everyone else or being slightly behind.

I really, really enjoy the chaos and fast paced environment of the job, which maybe sounds weird. I guess it means I have to be really careful and take care of myself. I can't imagine myself in a different occupation.

Today as a bad example, I haven't slept well in the last couple weeks, have been under stress, and not eating well, thus today while cooking I ended up having a simple partial seizure. Thankfully I didn't burn myself and I consider myself very lucky.
 
Hotwire,

Don't give up. I did'nt have seizures in high school. Mine started when I was 18. I tried college. I'd have a seizure end up having to drop out because I missed too much to catch up. That was the early 90s. I remember a professor stopped me once after class. Explained to me what happend. He basically was accusing me of being on drugs. When I told him it was a complex partial seizure he was shocked. He let me speak to the class and explain what had happened. I feilded a lot of questions that day and hopefully changed alot peoples view of ep. I never finished school and regret that to this day. So don't give up and keep fighting for what you love.
 
Yikes! I can totally understand about trying to keep up when you miss out on things. Sorry to hear you had to drop out. Unfortunately after todays mess I think that might be what Im headed for. What was left of my confidence (which was almost nothing) came undone and walked out of an exam... all the harassment comments about me not belonging there finally caught up to me. By the time I got home I was bawling ...and still am.

Everything just caught up with me... the seizures coming back and being more frequent, family stuff, and worse, all the stuff happening at school. The other students and one of my professors made it clear that i just wasn't able to keep up and don't belong.
 
Wow,

I am sorry for your bad day. your professor is aware of your situation? The point of my last post was that the only way to cure ignoance is with education. Before I spoke to that class that day. No one had a clue that I had had a sezure. They all assumed that I was having a bad trip to a drug. Most people think of seizure they think of a person having a grand mal. I know its hard but you have to educate and self advocate. Because unfortunately no one will do it for you. I've been seizure free for 15 years. The last few days I've been having what I think are auras. I go to the doctor on Monday. He could take my car away from me. I live 30 miles away from my job. with no access to public transportation. If that happens I'll have to educate my boss and self advocate to keep my job. If you enjoy scool and what they are teaching you have to keep fighting ignorance and not let it win.

Good luck and keep your head up.
 
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