a week of feeling weird

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arnie

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I know that most of you can relate to this, so I probably don't need to describe it too much, but this past week or more I've not been feeling quite right. It takes a mental effort to make sure I do things right. I have to concentrate much more than normal to do mundane tasks. I've felt pretty low on energy, have not felt like reading, and have not had a lot of tolerance for music, which is very unusual for me. I feel like I've been having lots of my complex partials, but I haven't! I've only had 5 this week, and three of those were today. I only had one last week, but I've felt post-ictal this whole time. Oh well. Life goes on, doesn't it?
This poem sort of reflects how I'm feeling now. Especially the part about being half a step removed from reality. Can y'all relate?
Thanks for listening and understanding. Now I have to go be a normal person for a while.

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slipping through the cracks in a diffraction grating

I.
About a half-step removed from reality
is how I feel today.
A slight phase change in my small corner
of the universe.
An angstrom or two or two of slippage
slippage
in the electromagnetic spectrum.

And the falling,
the passage through
the narrowest of slits,
separates me
into my component colors;
electromagnetic waves
spanning the visible spectrum,
creating a rainbow.

How to describe
the colors beyond infrared,
beyond ultraviolet?
I am more than what you see,
you are more than meets the eye
for there is much that lies beyond
the visible limits
of our personalities.

II.
And so we are as light,
But even light has a single
and finite speed,
even light seems uncertain
if it’s a wave or a particle,
even light cannot describe
what lies beyond
an event horizon.

III.
With age, time moves faster
and the red-shift of life increases
by the square of its distance
as we move ever farther
from our origins
and closer to the inevitable
black hole of our mortality,
as yet unexplained by spiritual
or quantum mechanics.

IV.
Of course, it’s all relative.
 
Hi, arnie;
I can relate to what you mean by feeling like you've had seizures when you haven't. I've had my medications completely overhauled recently and am titrating onto 3 different ones, and even on those nights I don't have a seizure and only maybe have a couple of next-to-nothing partials I still can feel like I had a seizure when I get up some mornings. Plus I'm having a lot of trouble remembering details of the "partial" nights by the time morning arrives and this wasn't an issue before these new meds. I don't have memory issues otherwise - just at night I have trouble remembering seizure issues; maybe this is a good thing lol.
 
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