Could this be epilepsy?

[Aphid]

I don't know if you guys get annoyed by posts like this but I currently don't have access to a doctor and I would really appreciate any advice you guys could give me.

Ok, so I've DEFINITELY had seizures before. However, the only ones that I am 100% certain were seizures all happened when I've been on recreational drugs (please keep reading, as of now I've completely stopped doing all recreational drugs and I still have events that I feel could be seizures) I've had probably 4-5 what seemed to be tonic-clonic seizures on various drugs, and many absent seizures.

I've had numerous other experiences that I figured were just my mind being weird, but as I've read more and more about epilepsy I'm wondering if I have some mild form or something, and the drugs just made my condition worse.

Here's a few descriptions of experiences of mine that I feel might have been some kind of seizure, and I would love to hear your opinions:

Sometimes I get these experiences of intense, intense emotion, seemingly from nowhere. The emotion varies, and they are always accompanied by some kind of mental image or story. The other day I was just laying in bed, thinking about politics (lol), specifically illegal immigration. And then suddenly I got this rush of sympathy for illegal immigrants that built and built and got so intense that I actually started crying, and all the while in my head I was getting what seemed to be a vision of someone making a speech about how illegal immigrants should be granted citizenship. At first I just blew it off as me getting carried away with my imagination, but I mean, this feeling of sympathy was more intense then I've ever felt for anything real, and the vision seemed like it was being played to me rather than I was making it up.

Also, one day I was driving down the road and it was around sunset and the sky was pretty, and I saw a plane flying across the sky. Again, I felt this rush of emotion, and I had to pull over because the emotion was so overwhelming and I started crying again, only this time it was because it felt like I was experiencing true beauty for the first time in my life, and I had finally realized how beautiful the world is.

I have also had several experiences where I wake up and I feel a presence in the room, like something is there watching me. I look around for this thing and eventually my eyes stop at something and I KNOW that that is the presence, but in reality my eyes are just playing tricks on me and it's something like a jacket in a closet. And then I begin to experience extreme, extreme terror. Like nothing I've ever felt before any other time in my life (it even trumps the time I almost fell off a cliff) this terror just builds and builds and builds and I can do nothing but stare at this object, until suddenly I just jerk out of it and I'm like covered in sweat and trembling and such.

Also, sometimes I'll be looking at an object and I'll get this sense that I'm like zooming in on it or zooming out, or it'll appear to be extremely large and extremely small at the same time or something it's pretty difficult to explain, but I become entranced by it and stare at it for a while.

I have read a little bit about epilepsy, and to me these seem to almost fit simple partial seizures but not quite. I say this because:

1. I remember the experience
2. They all include sudden feelings of intense emotion or captivation
3. They all have a feeling of an altered sense of reality, like something not normal is happening
4. I have been having similar experiences to the ones that might be seizures fairly often since I was at least 14 or 15. I'm 20 now.

However:

1. I have read that simple partial seizures rarely ever occur by themselves and almost always lead to another type of seizure, and this hasn't happened
2. The ones that didn't happen on drugs can also all be explained away as other things. People can cry when they think of really sad things, and people can cry when they think of really happy things. As for the experiences of terror, for the longest time I was sure they were just night terrors, because I read about those on wikipedia and that matches my experience exactly. And the stuff about objects looking weird could just be a trick of my mind.
3. The ones that did happen on drugs can be explained by the drugs.

What do you guys think? I'm pretty confused right now and I'm planning on going to the doctor but I won't be able to till next month.

 

[epileric]

Welcome Aphid

I've had seizures all my life & have always remembered it. It's only been in the last few years did I learn that there is a part of the seizure that I don't remember but I always felt as though I remember it all. They can include all sorts of emotions or thoughts out of nowhere like what you described as well as an altered state of reality. For me, quite often a sense of disconnection or being separate from myself. I've had these all my life so having had them for 5 or 6 years doesn't imply that they're not seizures.

It's true that simple partials don't always occur by themselves but they can. When I was younger I often used to have simple partial seizures and nothing else.

I know that psychedelics & especially cocaine can make one more susceptible to seizures but they can also increase the chances of developing seizures later in life after stopping the drugs.

Meanwhile do keep your appointment. Is the doctor you're seeing next month a GP or neurologist? If it is a neurologist I'd recommend bringing a list of questions.

 

[Aphid]

Hey thanks for the reply epileric! Ya, actually I was using the fact that I've been having these experiences for 5 years as support for them being seizures.

Ok, it's interesting that you can have simple partial seizures and nothing else, that definitely makes it much more likely that what I'm experiencing could be seizures.

The seizures were actually the most intense when I tried Nitrous Oxide (Laughing Gas). That was when I had full on convulsions. I hate to say this but the first time it happened it was so pleasurable and interesting that I purposefully induced them again. It was probably just the drugs, but it felt like every convulsion was rhythmically on beat with the music my friends and I were listening to. And it felt like I experienced the seizure in jumbled time, like I experienced parts of the end before some parts in the beginning. Again, probably just the drugs. I feel bad looking back because it scared the crap out of my friends, I can't believe I put them through that for my own personal pleasure.

I actually haven't even made an appointment yet. It's just that I'm in D.C. for an internship right now and I don't know any doctors up here, and I'm planning on going to the doctor next month when I'm done. Who would you suggest going to? A GP or a neurologist? And what questions should I bring?

Thanks for your insight it's extremely useful!!!

 

[Nakamova]

Hi Aphid --

The intense emotions and the "zooming-in-zooming-out" sensations are both characteristic of simple partial seizures originating in the temporal lobe. Many folks with seizure disorders will just experience these symptoms with no other seizure activity ensuing. (Simple Partial means exactly that: The seizures are simple -- with no loss of consciousness -- and partial, i.e. originating in one part of the brain).

I do recommend that you see a neurologist. It would be helpful for the doctor if you write down as much as you can remember about the episodes -- when they happen, how long they last, how frequently they occur. The use of drugs can lower seizure threshold, but there may be other triggers that can bring on your symptoms as well. Keeping a seizure journal is not only useful as a record for the doctor, but can potentially help you identify and avoid any such triggers. Triggers can be physical, physiological, and/or emotional stressors -- fatigue, dehydration, low blood sugar, food sensitivity, flashing lights, etc. -- and they can differ from person to person as well as over time.

As for questions for the doctor -- write down everything you can think of. Probably the biggest topic would be whether you want to pursue treatment if you are diagnosed with epilepsy. The usual treatment is anti-seizure meds, which are far from perfect. They have side effects that can make them problematic or intolerable, and they need to be taken consistently in order to work. The downside of going untreated is the risk that seizures will progress and become more severe.


Best,
Nakamova