CQ's :)

[CQ:)]

Larry may become my new favourite!!!!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid,
Stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said,
'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
__________________________________________________________

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'
____________________________________________________________

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
____________________________________________________________

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where
they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
____________________________________________________________

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and
in good shape before I buy.'
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Foxtel guy wants to buy Mom .....'
____________________________________________________________

If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends

 

[CQ:)]

2011 role model

Who's Your Role Model for 2011?

This is fun. I promise you WILL laugh when you find the identity of your role model.

NO CHEATING! I was really surprised to find out the name of my role model. Don't scroll down yet...

To find the identity of your personal role model, do the math below...
Then scroll down to find your hero.

It is crazy how accurate this is!





NO PEEKING!


1.) Pick your favourite number between 1 - 9

2.) Multiply by 3

3.) Add 3

4.) Then again multiply by 3... I'll wait if you need a calculator

5.) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number

6.) Add the digits together


NOW SCROLL DOWN






And with that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:



1. Einstein

2. Oprah Winfrey

3. Snoopy

4. Bill Clinton

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. Barack Obama

8. Babe Ruth

9. CQ

10.John F. Kennedy

I know, I know.... I just have that effect on people.

P..S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!


NOW PUT YOUR NAME IN NO. 9
AND SEND IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS FOR A GOOD LAUGH!

 

[Nakamova]

Aww CQ, of course you're my idol! Laughter, the best medicine...

 

[Loopy Lou]

Lol!

I did try it with some different numbers too

 

[CQ:)]

LOL, you know me Nakamova. I like to have a good sense of humor .

The 1st time I tried it I got a different total but that was because I didn't add or multiply something :roflmao:

 

[CQ:)]

The Dreams of 3 Animals


1

2

And the best of all:

3

 

[CQ:)]

British newspapers

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said,
'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up
during the explosion that destroyed his house.'
(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in
her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because
they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they
don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was
rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman
commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked
him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have
a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover
off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her
reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden.
He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled - 'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap,
but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

 

[CQ:)]

Heard on the london undergound tube

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to
their passengers...

1) 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I
know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the
Westbound and go in the opposite direction.'

2) 'Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from
E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know
any further information as soon as I'm given any.'

3) 'Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that
last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad
news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East
Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination.'

4) 'Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a
security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time
together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'.'

5) 'We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker
Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I
could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that'.

6) 'Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.'

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
announced in a West Indian drawl: 'Step right this way for the sauna, ladies
and gentleman... Unfortunately, towels are not provided.'

8) 'Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' (Pause ) 'Oh go on then, stuff
yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home....'

9) 'Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please
hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions.'

10) 'Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the
doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into
the doors.'

11) 'We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.'

12) 'To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
carriage -- what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?'

13) 'Please move all baggage away from the doors.' (Pause..) 'Please move
ALL belongings away from the doors.' (Pause...) 'This is a personal message
to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put
the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door
before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!'

14) 'May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed
on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's
only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage

 

[CQ:)]

What $4.00 gas brings to your Driveway!

The Smart Car
What we will be forced to drive quite soon.

But look at all of the 'great new choices'
We will have evolving from 'The SMART Car'....

The Smorvette!

The Smaudi A3 AWD!

The Smamborghini!

The Smorsche!

The Smerrari!

And last,but not least,
The Smustang

 

[Shelley]

You're right. Much worse than the mini-coop.

 

[BuckeyeFan]

My wife drives a Mustang. She got a real kick out of this one.

 

[Shelley]

http://smartasscripple.blogspot.com/2011/05/its-all-over-but-bingo.html

 

[CQ:)]

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.


A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'Well, F#ck me!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.

 

[CQ:)]

I Don't Feel Stupid Anymore‏ Part 1

 

[CQ:)]

I Don't Feel Stupid Anymore‏ Part 2

 

[CQ:)]

I Don't Feel Stupid Anymore‏ Part 3

 

[CQ:)]

I Don't Feel Stupid Anymore‏ Part 4

Finally as soon as this happens retire with dignity.............

 

[CQ:)]

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4 This is to cat.
5.. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.


Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

I betcha you cannot resist passing this on to any other friends.

 

[CQ:)]

How do you know when it is time to "hang up the car keys"?

I SAY WHEN YOUR DOG HAS THIS LOOK ON HIS FACE!

A picture is worth a thousand words!​

 

[lonnie]

I can't wait till my husband wakes up from his nap.