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BuckeyeFan
Grandpa
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CQ:)
Veteran
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- 198
Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint… it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint… it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
CQ:)
Veteran
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- 4,592
- Reaction score
- 373
- Points
- 198
In Honor of Stupid People . . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." [/B](but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction and auto accidents if we could just get those 5 & 6 year-olds with head-colds out of the cars and off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts.."
(talk about a news flash- What did you expect?? )
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." [/B](but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction and auto accidents if we could just get those 5 & 6 year-olds with head-colds out of the cars and off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts.."
(talk about a news flash- What did you expect?? )
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...
CQ:)
Veteran
- Messages
- 4,592
- Reaction score
- 373
- Points
- 198
It all began with an iPhone...
March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone.
He just loved it. Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started...
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into
the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!!
_________________________________________________________________
Life isn't about how you survived the storm...
it's about how you danced in the rain!
March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone.
He just loved it. Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started...
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into
the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!!
_________________________________________________________________
Life isn't about how you survived the storm...
it's about how you danced in the rain!
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- 0
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- 0
A man goes to see the doctor and complains about headache, stomach ache, nausea and tiredness.
"Well, I cannot make a specific diagnoses", the doc told him after having examined his patient, "maybe it's the alcohol."
"Okay", the man says, "I'll better come back when you're sober."
"Well, I cannot make a specific diagnoses", the doc told him after having examined his patient, "maybe it's the alcohol."
"Okay", the man says, "I'll better come back when you're sober."
lovemyladybug
New
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- 0
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loved the office signs & the consumer labels ( really makes you think .... theres a reason those things are on there )
CQ:)
Veteran
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- Reaction score
- 373
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- 198
Computer problems ??????
Technical Support, how can I help you?
FEMALE CALLER: 'Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing'.
TECH SUPPORT: 'I will have a technician come over first thing this morning.
Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can'.
When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was,
Said what happened to it, .... This is what the technician found wrong.
Take a look at the pictures... YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES ....
And you thought YOU had computer problems!!!
The technician told her: ... 'It must have been after the mouse!'...
The woman didn't think it was very funny at all!
Technical Support, how can I help you?
FEMALE CALLER: 'Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing'.
TECH SUPPORT: 'I will have a technician come over first thing this morning.
Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can'.
When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was,
Said what happened to it, .... This is what the technician found wrong.
Take a look at the pictures... YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES ....
And you thought YOU had computer problems!!!
The technician told her: ... 'It must have been after the mouse!'...
The woman didn't think it was very funny at all!
CQ:)
Veteran
- Messages
- 4,592
- Reaction score
- 373
- Points
- 198
Computer Repair
Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller : Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? ... Printers don't have a mouse!!!
Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really? ... I will send a picture.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA PASS THIS ALONG.
Caller : Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller : Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? ... Printers don't have a mouse!!!
Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really? ... I will send a picture.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA PASS THIS ALONG.
CQ:)
Veteran
- Messages
- 4,592
- Reaction score
- 373
- Points
- 198
Why men are never depressed:
Men Are Just Happier People--
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks and engines.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife..
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
* No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it
Men Are Just Happier People--
* Your last name stays put.
* The garage is all yours.
* Wedding plans take care of themselves.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* You can never be pregnant.
* Car mechanics tell you the truth.
* The world is your urinal.
* You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
* You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
* Same work, more pay.
* Wrinkles add character.
* People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
* One mood all the time.
* Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
* You know stuff about tanks and engines.
* A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
* You can open all your own jars.
* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack.
* Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
* You never have strap problems in public.
* You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
* Everything on your face stays its original colour.
* The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
* You only have to shave your face and neck.
* You can play with toys all your life.
* One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
* You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
* You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife..
* You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
* No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it
