does anyone else get the type of sensation...

[petero]

...where it feels like the seizures are is something someone is doing TO you?
a couple years ago I had a seizure period and since then it has felt like I've needed to prove something to some.. entity by, well, living.
At times I definitely have deja vu periods where it feels like I recognize people - but it will also feel like there's some sort of chemical equation, and it will feel like things "need" to happen for an instant, to resolve some sort of drive that is impelling my life, like a mind control.
Events will take on a "glorious"-ness to them, and will take on an 'innuendo' type of feeling (like saying "ohh isn't SHE a firecracker?" making a sexual innuendo toward a woman, but it's like a lack of reference, there's no "she" (and there's no one -saying- anything, but it feels like that same type of "reference/innuendo" toward something)
I saw a Google car with the device on top of the car on tv and my sensation near the end of this period was similar to what I imagine goes on in this type of camera device
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/08/08/article-0-1471954B000005DC-66_634x467.jpg
it spins rapidly and by spinning, flashes an image on a plate that records the image.
I imagine that when the brain works it does the same thing, neurochemically. There was some "flashing" - seeing orbs like small holes burning through a movie film while it's projecting.

 

[Nakamova]

I don't have that sensation, but I like the idea of "proving" to whomever or whatever that the seizures can't stop you from living life.

The mid control feeling must be unpleasant (to say the least). Do you think tweaking your meds would help?

 

[petero]

I don't have that sensation, but I like the idea of "proving" to whomever or whatever that the seizures can't stop you from living life.

The mid control feeling must be unpleasant (to say the least). Do you think tweaking your meds would help?

thanks! I had the ER doctors look at my med levels which were fine - I'm working on getting into a new medical system - once things get set I'm going to ask them about additional medications... I have wondered before about a supplemental medicine additional to my phenytoin

one thing for sure, prior to my starting to have seizures about 4 years ago, I had no idea what epilepsy really was.
worst thing ever.

 

[DayDreamer]

So much of what was said souned familiar that I had to look through my seizure diary. I do not have problems with feeling controlled by another.
I so often, almost daily or for extended periods during the week cannot tell if I recognize people/ places/.... or if my familiarity is just screwed up. Do they look like past presences if I do not know them currently?
Maybe once a year I have a seizure or something similar (seizures are hard to define) in which a feeling of revelation comes to me. Aha! this is how to cure/ solve my medical problems. I wish those revelations would stick around and be true. I can never remember what they were.

 

[petero]

So much of what was said souned familiar that I had to look through my seizure diary. I do not have problems with feeling controlled by another.
I so often, almost daily or for extended periods during the week cannot tell if I recognize people/ places/.... or if my familiarity is just screwed up. Do they look like past presences if I do not know them currently?
Maybe once a year I have a seizure or something similar (seizures are hard to define) in which a feeling of revelation comes to me. Aha! this is how to cure/ solve my medical problems. I wish those revelations would stick around and be true. I can never remember what they were.

same sounds true about me
I have similar revelations regarding recollection wherein I find an astuteness about myself that seems to be able to come to a seizure revelation - but then it just gets as more if not more complicated in confusion leading me to the same obsessiveness for revelation

it seems like my brain can't tolerate the gaps in memory that happen during seizures, unless I can really account for a proximity and time span, etc., for example the blackout really causing me problems when I'm going about my day, then hours later coming to in the middle of a hospital, with no one offering much "well here's what happened..." or anything other than "you had a seizure"

my tolerance level can't handle that type of thing
especially when I start into the thinking that people are hiding something from me about my seizure behavior - then my trust level declines and declines