Hey there techguy,
I honestly feel you. Life stinks when you have epilepsy. (I'm totally biased here so don't let it get you down).
A diagnosis is also not a cake walk, either.
I'm sorry to hear your illnesses les you down the road to epilepsy. I am glad that you were in a safer place to have a seizure...that can always end up so badly if not.
I've never been able to drive and the idea scares me to death. I got my diagnosis when I was about 9-10 years old.
I've always felt like a burden, and not to mention embarrassed. When I say, "I can't drive," or, "I don't have a license," some people automatically jump to thinking I got some DUI or something and got my license suspended so that's why I say "embarrassing." When most of my friends were learning to drive in high school and trying to pressure me into taking Driver's Ed with them, they didn't get it, I said, "I cannot legally drive because of my medical issues," and they just kept on and on. I would scream at my siblings when they yelled at my parents to take them out to drive because they aren't taking them out "enough" to practice before their permit expires. It wasn't usually pretty...and would almost always end with, "AT LEAST YOU CAN LEARN TO DRIVE!"
As an adult, sometimes I couldn't pursue college because I couldn't get a ride to classes, or I'd have to get a ride from a less than desirable driver just to finish the semester I already started because my original ride couldn't take me...
I was seizure free without medication for 15 months. I had been learning how to drive and was about to go take my driving test and then had a series of horrible seizures due to catching an illness, which probably was the trigger of it all. Back on medications it was, and I'm still kind of fighting to get stable again. Although, I haven't landed in the hospital for one for 10 months. If I hit one year seizure free, I could give driving another try, but I'm terrified. I don't want to ever put anyone in danger. It would be nice to have a license in case of an emergency such as no one is able to give me a ride anywhere yet I absolutely have to get somewhere type of situation. I wouldn't want to drive so often that it became a habit that I could do in my sleep because it just takes one off day. I would probably have to put the key in a lock box with a combination or something. I'm terrified of driving, but walking or biking in this heat wouldn't be any safer for me, either, and our public transport isn't that great.
I feel like a burden...almost constantly. I'm low on energy, I can't drive, finding a job is incredibly difficult and I really want to be able to get a job to help with expenses right now, some activities I don't participate in because I worry about my safety...I'm so limited in what I can do, I barely have friends, and it's tiring. I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have my family to give me rides anymore...it is a great fear of mine.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid, before I had this diagnosis. The care free, didn't need medication, where I could wake up and go to bed without a care in the world...
I hope things get better for you and you have a bit more control over your seizures soon. There can and will be better days. Hang in there!