feeling very lost and confused today

[petero]

but at least I'm empty too, so my feelings are meaningless, having nothing to be relevant to.
I'm having feelings of mind control, hypnosis, that nothing is relevant because of a predetermined path that I have no choice regarding, regardless of what I do. it's sort of an everythingness and nothingness and that I've become the brunt of the joke that I don't know about. The inside joke that everyone else knows about, and I try to interact with situations but things seem so contrived I just want to run. I need to put up a facade and run, but nowhere seems the only place to go. I don't know where it is but I know how to get there because society's facade points me there. Precisely why I don't want to go there. Doing so got me worse in the first place, but nearer to whatever this is. I sit and wait for it to pass so I can get back on my path, hoping it hasn't eroded away, but this is everywhere. They've destroyed me and left me for better.

 

[Nakamova]

Peter, have you been having these feelings only since you started the Risperidone, or were they going on before? Do you have someone you can discuss them with (in addition to us here at CWE)? It can help to bring this up with a counselor or therapist.

I hope you can find something positive to focus on and hold onto. I'm sending good thoughts and a big hug your way.