Hello and welcome. The best advice I can give you is to get yourself in touch with a good professional counselor and begin some regular, personal, one-on-one therapy. You clearly have a lot of issues going on in your life, and epilepsy is only one element. We can give you a certain amount of advice, and a lot of support, but if you really want to make the necessary changes in your life you need someone right there with you who can see you when you're talking, can read your body language, who can help you figure out what you need to do, who can call BS on you if you start getting off track! Just as you need a personal medical specialist for your epilepsy, you need a personal counseling specialist for your various psychological issues. Online forums are good in a lot of ways, but it can be really easy to pick and choose what you want to hear and say what you think others want you to say. I don't know what experience you have had with counseling. Unfortunately, many people have had bad experiences, or have not been seen by a really good counselor. It's a tough row to hoe, and there is no quick fix, but it's the best way to make the changes that you need to make. Are you in a place where there are good therapists? Do you have coverage for it or the $$ to pay privately? I'm sure your doc would give you a referral, and hopefully some advice as to someone who would be a good match for you.
Anyhow, that's my two cents worth, but I know from a lot of years of experience on both sides of the counseling table that it's the way to go, and that it's definitely what you need right now. Stay in touch with us here and find a good person locally.
Onward and upward!