GF's Parents... Should it matter?

[PTK]

Here's a question for everyone... Been dating my gf for almost two years. Been ten years since my first seizure. Close to 100 tonic clonics in last ten years. Drug roulette for last ten years as I'm sure it's been for many of you out there. Knock on wood but have finally have achieved some good control with felbamate last year and a half. Met the gf's parents for first time last week (don't live close).

Parents are not the nicest people. Extremely conservative. Completely closed-minded (not that the two have to go hand-in-hand). Just not nice people, to be honest. Very judgmental. Not something I'm used to.

Anyway, gf has never told her parents about my epilepsy. In fact, went out of her way to have me take my medication away from her parents. Don't know what to feel about it. Obviously, I didn't get a good feeling from it. Not a good feeling at all. She did feel bad about it, but says that her parents would just not understand. I wouldn't stand a chance if they knew I had epilepsy. They would judge me before they even got the chance to really know me. Says she is doing it for my benefit.

Part of me thinks she should be standing up for me and this is absurd. If epilepsy is something she is too ashamed to tell her parents about and something I need to hide, then maybe I'm not the right person for her. Another part of me, agrees with her take that it's just not worth it to rock the boat, and I'm not dating her parents, I'm dating her, so just go with the flow. And then another part of her thinks she's just a coward for not standing up to her parents for me.

Tough... not something I've experienced before. I've discussed it with her and let her know it didn't give me a good feeling. What are your thoughts here?

Thanks.

 

[Silat]

How old are you?

 

[PTK]

28

 

[Silat]

Her parents sound like my family...
I've found that the easiest way to deal with people like that is to avoid "rocking the boat" as much as I can... They're not going to change how they see things, and when their mind is set, it's set.

Choose your battles...
What will you gain from telling them?
What consequences will you have?
Will telling them cause problems between your girlfriend and you?

Take some time to ask yourself those kinds of questions, and really think on whether or not it's in your best interests. Then make your decision.

 

[PTK]

My issue was more with the GF... They're set in their ways. Narrow-minded and will never change... Kind of disappointed in her... Just feel like she isn't fighting for me here... We all can see how narrow-minded your parents are, why not do something?

 

[Silat]

She likes you enough that she's concerned how they'll view you in the future, and she wants them to view you well in the future, and she's scared that your epilepsy might change that... so she's minimizing that as much as she can so you'll have the best chance possible of them accepting you.

She's minimizing any flaws they might perceive you having, and focusing on the things about you she knows they'll like... so your future together will go more smoothly and her family will accept you and like you.

She's doing it because she cares about you and wants things to work out well between you and her parents, who she already knows are "different". It may seem insulting, but she's doing it for your future together. She probably wants them to view you as a part of their family. It's not a personal jab against you or your epilepsy.

So... as I see it, she is fighting for you. She's fighting to get her parents to like/accept you. Having that happen is more important to her than sharing your epilepsy with her parents, because epilepsy doesn't define you as a person. She wants them to know the person you are, not the condition you have.

At least, that's how I see it anyway.

 

[Meetz1064]

I will say

that I have to agree with Silat in this particular circumstance, having been through similar situations--including my ex-in-laws, and several other people.

Although it is a very ODD and deceptive and backhanded way to fight for you, she is trying to do so. Let her do it. Give her some time...but talk to her maturely about it. Don't be defensive or aggressive in the discussion, either. Just make it a really easy-going conversation......

 

[Fedup]

PTK

I must agree with both Silat and Meetz1064, I had a simillar experance and to be honest when people are like this you will never change them and no I would not give your GF a hard time, she is trying to look out for you after all you are dating her not her parents and the worst I seen was a prists reaction and her mothers reaction to a girl about your age when she had a seizure, I gave out to both of them (to put it nicely), told them to go away and I would look after her and bring her home, so no give your GF the benifet of the doubt, she is looking out for you.