Has E hurt your ability to have a relationship?
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girlwithadog
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I have a spouse, thankfully I met him 3 1/2 years ago before all of this happened and he's been with me through it all. Friends though, nearly impossible. Without being able to drive and the depressive symptoms that go along with epilepsy it's hard for me to get motivated to go out, plus my anxiety from it makes me nervous to be around people that don't know and I'd rather not just tell people when I meet them "Hey, I have epilepsy"
You're not alone with this, I definately have this struggle too
You're not alone with this, I definately have this struggle too
GabrielSolitude
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I'm right there with you...I've had several relationships simply fall apart because the girl I was with at the time decided, lets see, how did she put it, "I don't want to be your caretaker..." After that, I've been very hesitant to allow anyone to get close to me in that manner...
I have found it difficult to maintain the friends I do have. We still consider ourselves friends, but when you often have to back out of a get-together because of a seizure, cannot drive, and have lost a little of your own self-confidence soon it ends up you're not asked out to do things anymore or as often.
Yeah, in those cases with friends, I try not to talk about it with them. If I can't go, I just don't go. But, I find if I talk about it too much then they do tend to exclude you, even if they don't mean to do so.
I think most people, even if they are well intentioned, really don't want to deal with those type issues. They don't like thinking about those things like E that can go wrong. So, they avoid it, and if they associate a person with that, then they end up avoiding them too.
I think most people, even if they are well intentioned, really don't want to deal with those type issues. They don't like thinking about those things like E that can go wrong. So, they avoid it, and if they associate a person with that, then they end up avoiding them too.
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great thread, it needed talking about 
have had several (much longer than 3 months, wow! lol) relationships with great partners over the years who really didn't mind about the E, but if i'm honest those eventually failed because of me and not them..
isolation/not driving has not really been a prob- coz hey, in this busy world, most people don't have much time to get out there and find someone anyway lol
it's always been the side effects- keppra i'm looking at you- in the end. i just couldn't let myself hammer them with the pointless anger or depression those crappy outbursts gave me- it just wasn't fair to them
so these days i just stick to no-strings 'friends with benefits' type ones, though that's not to say i wouldn't like a long term one, maybe even with kids and mortgage lol
as i'm getting older though, i do worry a bit about who i'm gonna share my twilight years with...
massive respect to all of you that have kept a long term relationship going :clap:
have had several (much longer than 3 months, wow! lol) relationships with great partners over the years who really didn't mind about the E, but if i'm honest those eventually failed because of me and not them..
isolation/not driving has not really been a prob- coz hey, in this busy world, most people don't have much time to get out there and find someone anyway lol
it's always been the side effects- keppra i'm looking at you- in the end. i just couldn't let myself hammer them with the pointless anger or depression those crappy outbursts gave me- it just wasn't fair to them
so these days i just stick to no-strings 'friends with benefits' type ones, though that's not to say i wouldn't like a long term one, maybe even with kids and mortgage lol
as i'm getting older though, i do worry a bit about who i'm gonna share my twilight years with...
massive respect to all of you that have kept a long term relationship going :clap:
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skyfire322
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I've been having a difficult time maintaining my relationship of seven years, not only because of long distance, but also because of E. It doesn't help that I've got the 'Kepprage' either. My girl is obviously very concerned, but sometimes she's either a deer in headlights, or just runs for the hills. Not a great feeling at all...
It's really difficult sometimes, because everyone looks at you differently. Not just romantic partners, but also friends, co-workers, etc. However, you have to look at it in a different light... The ones who stay and protect you are the ones you keep close to you.
It's really difficult sometimes, because everyone looks at you differently. Not just romantic partners, but also friends, co-workers, etc. However, you have to look at it in a different light... The ones who stay and protect you are the ones you keep close to you.
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I am currently engaged and I have been able to maintain my friendships pretty well. My epilepsy started several years ago but my girlfriend at the time has been very understanding and supportive. Since I've had it we became engaged and I see by most posts in this thread that I seem to be very lucky. I don't drive and I live out of town from my fiancee and most friends. She is very helpful and has pretty much moved in with me. And I don't have any trouble telling people about my epilepsy and if they do have a problem with it, then I don't want people like that as friends anyways.
I guess my epilepsy came at a good time - as a good of a time there is to get it. I'm older and not a big partier anymore and most of my friends are entering parenthood, so hanging out is a bit more subdued than it used to be(no more drinking for me.) I am on Vimat and Keppra and I do experience the frustration and moodiness that comes along with these drugs. But when I feel a bad mood coming I just let my fiancee know and she can give me the space I need. But I do feel for those of you who are having trouble with relationships and work. At least there is this great forum so we can express ourselves and vent about our frustrations with people who do understand.
I am currently in the epilepsy unit at my local university hospital and just had some friends come by and visit with my fiancee and I, with their new little baby. Also there is another guy at my work, in the same office, who is epileptic. So that may help with my work's understanding of my situation. But I think the best way is to try not to take this so seriously. The majority of my seizures do happen at work. And out in the shop I am now affectionately known as 'laundry' because you put the clothes in and start the shaking lol But I have nicknames for them as well
EHE
I guess my epilepsy came at a good time - as a good of a time there is to get it. I'm older and not a big partier anymore and most of my friends are entering parenthood, so hanging out is a bit more subdued than it used to be(no more drinking for me.) I am on Vimat and Keppra and I do experience the frustration and moodiness that comes along with these drugs. But when I feel a bad mood coming I just let my fiancee know and she can give me the space I need. But I do feel for those of you who are having trouble with relationships and work. At least there is this great forum so we can express ourselves and vent about our frustrations with people who do understand.
I am currently in the epilepsy unit at my local university hospital and just had some friends come by and visit with my fiancee and I, with their new little baby. Also there is another guy at my work, in the same office, who is epileptic. So that may help with my work's understanding of my situation. But I think the best way is to try not to take this so seriously. The majority of my seizures do happen at work. And out in the shop I am now affectionately known as 'laundry' because you put the clothes in and start the shaking lol But I have nicknames for them as well
EHE
relationship
I really scared my boyfriend this weekend, and I'm not sure if the effect will scare him off. We have been dating for almost a year, and he's seen me having and taken care of me during episodes. I'm nervous he'll dump me. I love him very much, and I know that he used to love me. He may just be momentarily scared and learn to support me, but I don't know.
It also stinks that he lives across the state from me. Since I can't drive, I feel guilty to have him drive back and forth and back. He's getting tired of that.
I really scared my boyfriend this weekend, and I'm not sure if the effect will scare him off. We have been dating for almost a year, and he's seen me having and taken care of me during episodes. I'm nervous he'll dump me. I love him very much, and I know that he used to love me. He may just be momentarily scared and learn to support me, but I don't know.
It also stinks that he lives across the state from me. Since I can't drive, I feel guilty to have him drive back and forth and back. He's getting tired of that.
My social issues isn't just the result of epilepsy, but it does make things worse. I was home schooled for most of my life, and my parents didn't put me in any activities or anything over years, I just got to the point where I was depressed and stayed to myself, and as a result for the past 8 or so years I haven't gotten out once for anything for any form of activity. One social event which was back in 2008 and that was for my brother's marriage.
Rest of the time, it was for seeing a doctor and nothing else. When I was about 19, I started to come out of my depression phase and wanted to better my life and thought about getting a driver license for the first time. Then, in 2011 I started having seizures and that put me down again.
I went undiagnosed for about a year and a half because my father thought it was a life style issue, and the hospital said it was syncope but I need to see a neurologist. My father ignored the second part, and we argued for a long time and finally I got to see a neurologist in June, even then he was in denial and complaining about the neurologist on the way home about prescribing medicine without doing tests, then we did an EEG and it confirmed it. He's still in denial about it being epilepsy some times, and we just argue over it. He complains about taking off, and that he doesn't have much then he complains about wanting to retire to make me feel more guilty about being a burden on him. It's not like I can do anything other than end my life. I've been studying slowly, and so forth to get a ged but it's quite hard since I lose interest cause of depression.
I have no friends, and my other relatives I have no contact with and haven't seen them for years. I live in Arkansas, in a county which is pretty small and there's no transportation here and taxis would drive from the capital Little Rock to here and it is extremely expensive. So, there's nothing much I can do there. My mother works, and rarely has time to take me anywhere... Other than that, I just stay inside hoping my freaking medicine works and remain seizure free where I can get a license and drive, but I am having difficulty.
I haven't had any issues with medication as to side effects, it made me a little tired for a week or two after changing doses on Keppra XR. I am now taking Lamictal with it, while I up the dose and no side effects from it.
Rest of the time, it was for seeing a doctor and nothing else. When I was about 19, I started to come out of my depression phase and wanted to better my life and thought about getting a driver license for the first time. Then, in 2011 I started having seizures and that put me down again.
I went undiagnosed for about a year and a half because my father thought it was a life style issue, and the hospital said it was syncope but I need to see a neurologist. My father ignored the second part, and we argued for a long time and finally I got to see a neurologist in June, even then he was in denial and complaining about the neurologist on the way home about prescribing medicine without doing tests, then we did an EEG and it confirmed it. He's still in denial about it being epilepsy some times, and we just argue over it. He complains about taking off, and that he doesn't have much then he complains about wanting to retire to make me feel more guilty about being a burden on him. It's not like I can do anything other than end my life. I've been studying slowly, and so forth to get a ged but it's quite hard since I lose interest cause of depression.
I have no friends, and my other relatives I have no contact with and haven't seen them for years. I live in Arkansas, in a county which is pretty small and there's no transportation here and taxis would drive from the capital Little Rock to here and it is extremely expensive. So, there's nothing much I can do there. My mother works, and rarely has time to take me anywhere... Other than that, I just stay inside hoping my freaking medicine works and remain seizure free where I can get a license and drive, but I am having difficulty.
I haven't had any issues with medication as to side effects, it made me a little tired for a week or two after changing doses on Keppra XR. I am now taking Lamictal with it, while I up the dose and no side effects from it.
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Thank you notime for sharing. It was hard for me to get out too. My ex had an affair, 2 days after he told me I was fired for having an aura (no seizure) on my break. I lost all contact with my friends because I was divorced and no job.
The only social life I had was going to church. I have been a member of this church for about 28 years. The support and love I receive from there really helps me.
I met my boyfriend via a website.
My personality isn't the most outgoing either. I went to a private school. I have 2 older brothers who always wanted to attention.
As far as meds, I take Lamictal too. Along with Lyrica. I really hope and pray that your meds will help your status.
The only social life I had was going to church. I have been a member of this church for about 28 years. The support and love I receive from there really helps me.
I met my boyfriend via a website.
My personality isn't the most outgoing either. I went to a private school. I have 2 older brothers who always wanted to attention.
As far as meds, I take Lamictal too. Along with Lyrica. I really hope and pray that your meds will help your status.
I think my boyfriend is about to let me go. He tells me that it's so scary on the other side of the seizure. I'm fighting and screaming to get out of his truck, he's nervous that he'll get arrested cause it looks like he's kidnapping me. Or if I'm with him at his church (he works as audio visual coordinator) and I have one, he can't drop everything and take care of me. We've been dating for almost a year now. I love him and don't want these stupid seizures to tear apart this relationship.
This may sound harsh, and I don't mean to offend you or harm your relationship. What your going through is stressful and this with additional stress with epilepsy is harsh. Have you considered taking a break with your relationship? Even just for half a month, see what you two really want in life? Epilepsy is a chronic condition perhaps to life, and there's so much stigma attached to epilepsy. Mainly because people don't understand it, perhaps take your boyfriend with you to your neurologist appointment and ask your doctor explain it to him? At least it may help him understand it, if he doesn't really get it. I mean, why is he scared to assist you? He shouldn't be, this is why I think it's a good idea to let him talk to your neurologist.
BTW I am not the best person to get advice from for relationships as I've never been in one. Sorry if it is offending, but I don't mean to me! I am just trying to help.
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JLogefeil
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I have had the hardest time keeping friends like true friends. I m no teenage kids I m a women and I lost a really good friend I thought at the time who was in her 30ies to my seizures. She said I took too much time away from her and her kids.
I have been having a hard time dealing with it all. It seem I lost a lot of other people due to my E leave me and say one thing and then wait till it's too late and say all these mean things all leading to my E. I have a hard time trusting people. I m married and so far he has been a true angel to my seizure and always helps.
I have been having a hard time dealing with it all. It seem I lost a lot of other people due to my E leave me and say one thing and then wait till it's too late and say all these mean things all leading to my E. I have a hard time trusting people. I m married and so far he has been a true angel to my seizure and always helps.
I've recently lost my girlfriend as well. Mostly cause of stupid reasons that can be worked out, although most of them are caused cause of my epilepsy and my meds. I get depressed and just don't want to go out and seemingly make people feel guilty about it. I've never had a group of friends to hang out with, right now I have a whopping 2 friends. One moved about a 5 hour drive away and the other is in the same city but just don't hang out much. I get scared to go to bars cause of the loud music and lights. I don't want anything to happen in front of all those people. Add on the temper and outbursts from the meds plus the associated depression and got yourself a crappy life.
BIGMAN131307
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I've always been a reserved/shy guy. So having any kind of relationship with anyone is hard.
But having Epilepsy on top of that makes it even worse. "Friends" avoid you like the plague.
They are scared because they know little about Epilepsy & Seizures. Most just think all seizures involve shaking. That alone scares them. Being unable to drive also hinders any relationships.
But having Epilepsy on top of that makes it even worse. "Friends" avoid you like the plague.
They are scared because they know little about Epilepsy & Seizures. Most just think all seizures involve shaking. That alone scares them. Being unable to drive also hinders any relationships.
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The relationship with guy I was dating when I was diagnosed with epilepsy just sort of faded off with in a few months. It was hard to get together and neither of us put too much effort into keeping it going. I didn't remember anything about him, or even know who he was, because after my first seizure I lost about 10 years of memory so it didn't break my heart.
I met my husband about 9 years ago, only a year after I was diagnosed with epilepsy. And this was when my seizures were at their worst. I hardly ever have TC, only partials but they were pretty bad.
I had my first seizures in front of him about 3 weeks into the relationship. Even though we told him what they were like and what to do when I had one he really didn't realize what it was actually like when I had one. I ended up in the ER when I had this seizure because I just kept having one right after the other. I know it scared him to death. My family thought for sure that he was going to leave me but he said I was wonderful and he wasn't going any where.
He really learned about epilepsy right along with us because my family and I were still learning what was going on. He started coming to neruo appts with me about a year after we started dating and hasn't missed one since. He understands about my meds and all the side effects that I have because of them. Asks my neuo questions and can answer his. I think he knows more about epilepsy more than I do sometimes.
As far as friends I have lost a lot of them. They all live about an hour away, have full time jobs and have family's with young children. I can't drive have no public transportation here so if we want to get together to do things they usually have to drive to my place to see me. When we do get together they have to be home before they children are home from school and when we want to get together in the evening they usually have to get baby sitters. We do talk on the phone a good bit but it's just not the same as getting together.
They aren't afraid of my epilepsy, although I don't think that I've had a seizure in front of them. Since my memory isn't that great we'll joke about all the things that we've done that I don't remember. I'll tell them about some of my seizures and some of the stupid things during them. We actually get a good laugh about things at times.
I met my husband about 9 years ago, only a year after I was diagnosed with epilepsy. And this was when my seizures were at their worst. I hardly ever have TC, only partials but they were pretty bad.
I had my first seizures in front of him about 3 weeks into the relationship. Even though we told him what they were like and what to do when I had one he really didn't realize what it was actually like when I had one. I ended up in the ER when I had this seizure because I just kept having one right after the other. I know it scared him to death. My family thought for sure that he was going to leave me but he said I was wonderful and he wasn't going any where.
He really learned about epilepsy right along with us because my family and I were still learning what was going on. He started coming to neruo appts with me about a year after we started dating and hasn't missed one since. He understands about my meds and all the side effects that I have because of them. Asks my neuo questions and can answer his. I think he knows more about epilepsy more than I do sometimes.
As far as friends I have lost a lot of them. They all live about an hour away, have full time jobs and have family's with young children. I can't drive have no public transportation here so if we want to get together to do things they usually have to drive to my place to see me. When we do get together they have to be home before they children are home from school and when we want to get together in the evening they usually have to get baby sitters. We do talk on the phone a good bit but it's just not the same as getting together.
They aren't afraid of my epilepsy, although I don't think that I've had a seizure in front of them. Since my memory isn't that great we'll joke about all the things that we've done that I don't remember. I'll tell them about some of my seizures and some of the stupid things during them. We actually get a good laugh about things at times.
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Ironically having "E" has actually helped me find someone very special in my life or should I say attract someone to me...even though "E" may seem like a maddening sickness at times I believe without it I would not be the person I am today let alone be able to look beyond the illusions blanketing this world...I've been married for about 7 years now and thankfully my wife is someone who likes to help and care for people...but she knows I am a "special case" and not like most people because the only real person who can help you is yourself (you just have to want it bad enough) and such words is what my wife loves about me...
the only thing that has been "hurt" is my relationship with my "family" (and society)...sometimes I don't even consider them my "family" anymore because I am so different than them and well long explanation short...they treat me like I am suppose to be just like them (whatever the hell that is) and that I am something that can be easily "understood" or "mitigated"...and that maddening ignorance from them makes me want to destroy them in a most brutal and violent way...sorry but there is only so much a person with "E" can take...I feel like I want to electrocute them to death like The Emperor...except my force attack will be slightly different...no I will make them go insane and electrocute themselves while I sit back and enjoy a bag of popcorn
op: ...yeah I know you're probably thinking I'm some sort of mentally disturbed psychopath with a sick twisted view of "reality"...well guess what YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT!!! 
but it sure beats the hell out of being "normal" like all the fake people out there...
the only thing that has been "hurt" is my relationship with my "family" (and society)...sometimes I don't even consider them my "family" anymore because I am so different than them and well long explanation short...they treat me like I am suppose to be just like them (whatever the hell that is) and that I am something that can be easily "understood" or "mitigated"...and that maddening ignorance from them makes me want to destroy them in a most brutal and violent way...sorry but there is only so much a person with "E" can take...I feel like I want to electrocute them to death like The Emperor...except my force attack will be slightly different...no I will make them go insane and electrocute themselves while I sit back and enjoy a bag of popcorn
op: ...yeah I know you're probably thinking I'm some sort of mentally disturbed psychopath with a sick twisted view of "reality"...well guess what YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT!!! but it sure beats the hell out of being "normal" like all the fake people out there...
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I can't say E ever hurt my ability to have a relationship. When I was dating it didn't bother the men I dated I had epilepsy.
I've been married to the greatest man in the world for 20 years who also has epilepsy, he hasn't had a seizure since surgery in 1972. He's my rock.
I've been married to the greatest man in the world for 20 years who also has epilepsy, he hasn't had a seizure since surgery in 1972. He's my rock.
I was always a relatively shy guy around girls before i was diagnosed with t/c sleep epilepsy (note that i am awake for my seizure but it comes from sleep). I am now 23 and I have been single for 4 years now. I am at university but i suck at talking to girls due to my insanely high level of self conciousness, anxiety and lack of self confidence. I am on 2000mg of Keppra daily....i have literally just joined this website and i have to say it is a big relief to know that i am not the only one in this situation. I am on my longest streak without a seizure(about 10 months) and i am starting to think/hope my epilepsy has passed....wishful thinking perhaps....I am so desperate to be free of meds and to discover the real me, if possible, and to be able to find out that the way i have been for the past 8-9 years has not been me being weird but because i am on these f*cking meds! excuse my french but i have never really felt comfortable confiding in any of mu friends and when i have they seem to think im just chatting nonsense and looking for attention, thats how it feels anyway. Anyway, i also want to mention that after reading some of the stories on here i feel so lucky that i have only ever had seizures from sleep and that i am on a good seizure free streak at the moment. God bless you all.