How do I make sister 1 back off and give me some space? This sister is hard to describe but I've never met anyone like her. She lives alone and has no children. She is the type of person that couldn't make a decision if her life depended on it.
She asks me to go shopping with her once every week. I go but she is under foot just like a child. It doesn't matter where I go, she is right there beside me. For example, yesterday, I went into Best Buy and told her I was going back to the computer department. She doesn't even own a computer nor isn't the type that would ever learn one or have the desire to learn but she goes with me and stands right beside me watching every move I make. But, she doesn't understand any of this. Anything to do with electronics that she owns, she calls on me and that is just a tv set. When I was picking up software and reading about it, she was standing right beside me watching me again.
From there I went to the Pet store. She doesn't own a pet nor wants to own one but she went with me every step I took. I went to the cat food and cat litter department, she was right beside me just standing there doing nothing but watching me like a hawk. This goes on all day long without a break! I know you're thinking "stay at home". I would but I can't drive due to my seizures and she is the only chance I have of going shopping.
My daughters don't ask me nor does anyone else. I live out in the country where public transportation isn't available and my husband isn't a shopper. In other words, if I don't go with her, I'm stuck at home 24/7 except when my husband and I go out to eat and sometimes going with her is my only chance to get out. I can't ask my husband to drop me off anywhere while he goes to a store of his choice when we go out to eat because this area where we live has very little shopping choices to choose from and we can't afford to sell and move to another location.
Another example of how she "smothers" me is we met sister 2 yesterday for lunch and did a little shopping before lunch. Sister 2 told me if I wanted to go on to another store to go ahead, that she had to stop at another shop first. Well, the oldest sister stayed with her. I asked sister 2 today if she stayed underfoot with her every step she took while I was off by myself and she said, "No, she went on and looked at other stuff while I was looking around." In other words, they went their separate ways. Then she said, "I noticed that when we were walking down the mall to meet you, I had to almost run to keep up with her". I have told her many times, "If there's something you want to do while I'm doing this, go ahead. I'll meet you at ....." She comes back with "I'm fine. I'll go with you". This goes on all day every week.
How do I get her to back off and give me some space without hurting her feelings? I'm getting to the point where I would rather stay home than to have to put up with this every week! I have thought about that maybe she's "afraid" I'll have a seizure and she feels responsible but she couldn't do anything about it if I did. She is just a little more than 4 feet tall and doesn't weigh but about 90 lbs and I am 5' 6 1/2 inches and weigh a lot more than that so if I had a seizure and started to fall, she couldn't do a thing about it. But, with her unable to make a decision, she wouldn't do anything about it if she could. She couldn't even make the decision to tell them not to call the ambulance. That is how insecure she is.
I don't mean this to sound ugly it's just that she is hard to describe and other family members say the same thing about her. Sister 2 doesn't go all the time. I have thought about telling sister 1 "to just assume I'm not going unless she hears from me." and to tell her "I need a break. I know all the stores by heart and I'll just wait and go occasionally when sister 2 goes and maybe the stores will have something different to look at by then." Oh, by the way, sister 1 has the same routine every week she goes to the same stores, does nothing different! It gets so old with that and her following me around like a shadow! This sister couldn't carry on a conversation if her life depended on it either so that's why when sister 2 goes, I enjoy it because I have someone to talk to. Sister 1 just sits there and listens to us and never says a word.
As I said, she is hard to describe but how do I get her to back off and give me some space if and when I do go with her? I don't want to hurt her feelings. Does anyone have any suggestion and I apologize for this being such a long post but she is hard to describe and I wanted to do the best I can so you could get a better understanding of this situation. Thanks for your time!
She asks me to go shopping with her once every week. I go but she is under foot just like a child. It doesn't matter where I go, she is right there beside me. For example, yesterday, I went into Best Buy and told her I was going back to the computer department. She doesn't even own a computer nor isn't the type that would ever learn one or have the desire to learn but she goes with me and stands right beside me watching every move I make. But, she doesn't understand any of this. Anything to do with electronics that she owns, she calls on me and that is just a tv set. When I was picking up software and reading about it, she was standing right beside me watching me again.
From there I went to the Pet store. She doesn't own a pet nor wants to own one but she went with me every step I took. I went to the cat food and cat litter department, she was right beside me just standing there doing nothing but watching me like a hawk. This goes on all day long without a break! I know you're thinking "stay at home". I would but I can't drive due to my seizures and she is the only chance I have of going shopping.
My daughters don't ask me nor does anyone else. I live out in the country where public transportation isn't available and my husband isn't a shopper. In other words, if I don't go with her, I'm stuck at home 24/7 except when my husband and I go out to eat and sometimes going with her is my only chance to get out. I can't ask my husband to drop me off anywhere while he goes to a store of his choice when we go out to eat because this area where we live has very little shopping choices to choose from and we can't afford to sell and move to another location.
Another example of how she "smothers" me is we met sister 2 yesterday for lunch and did a little shopping before lunch. Sister 2 told me if I wanted to go on to another store to go ahead, that she had to stop at another shop first. Well, the oldest sister stayed with her. I asked sister 2 today if she stayed underfoot with her every step she took while I was off by myself and she said, "No, she went on and looked at other stuff while I was looking around." In other words, they went their separate ways. Then she said, "I noticed that when we were walking down the mall to meet you, I had to almost run to keep up with her". I have told her many times, "If there's something you want to do while I'm doing this, go ahead. I'll meet you at ....." She comes back with "I'm fine. I'll go with you". This goes on all day every week.
How do I get her to back off and give me some space without hurting her feelings? I'm getting to the point where I would rather stay home than to have to put up with this every week! I have thought about that maybe she's "afraid" I'll have a seizure and she feels responsible but she couldn't do anything about it if I did. She is just a little more than 4 feet tall and doesn't weigh but about 90 lbs and I am 5' 6 1/2 inches and weigh a lot more than that so if I had a seizure and started to fall, she couldn't do a thing about it. But, with her unable to make a decision, she wouldn't do anything about it if she could. She couldn't even make the decision to tell them not to call the ambulance. That is how insecure she is.
I don't mean this to sound ugly it's just that she is hard to describe and other family members say the same thing about her. Sister 2 doesn't go all the time. I have thought about telling sister 1 "to just assume I'm not going unless she hears from me." and to tell her "I need a break. I know all the stores by heart and I'll just wait and go occasionally when sister 2 goes and maybe the stores will have something different to look at by then." Oh, by the way, sister 1 has the same routine every week she goes to the same stores, does nothing different! It gets so old with that and her following me around like a shadow! This sister couldn't carry on a conversation if her life depended on it either so that's why when sister 2 goes, I enjoy it because I have someone to talk to. Sister 1 just sits there and listens to us and never says a word.
As I said, she is hard to describe but how do I get her to back off and give me some space if and when I do go with her? I don't want to hurt her feelings. Does anyone have any suggestion and I apologize for this being such a long post but she is hard to describe and I wanted to do the best I can so you could get a better understanding of this situation. Thanks for your time!
Last edited by a moderator:
