The worst hangover you can imagine is how I describe it. After my tonic clonics, I have a VERY bad headache, but the pain is not sharp, usually more constant, throbbing, and I feel pressure. I also have naseau, though I don't always vomit. The confusion was much worse when I started with E years ago, but now 90% it clears out within an hour or so. I just seem to realize what happened better now. My memory from prior to the seizure varies, but I have never had long term gaps.
One thing I have found 'interesting' is that I seem to come around faster if I have injured myself (except the near drowning). I have always theorized that the pain is what brings me around.
Emotionally, I am VERY resigned. Not always depressed, more like no fight left in me. Giving up and just wanting to sleep. I have had a lot of fear and anger prior to the seizure.
When I have not had a tonic clonic seizure for awhile, I feel like my brain is a spring getting wound tighter and tighter (like the last year). Though I hate the seizures, sometimes I have a feeling of release over the next couple of days. The longer I go without a seizure, the worse that spring feeling can get. I guess that is one positive about the postictal stage.
As far as seeing myself seize, I have very mixed emotions. I was an EMT for a long time and witnessed plenty of others having seizures. They are not pretty events, though I handled them like any other emergency. The one reason I might want to see myself is to make it more real to myself and maybe easier to accept.
:twocents: