AndrewIrish
Stalwart
- Messages
- 321
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 68
Hey all,
I have finally come to terms with myself and in finding a rythmn and balance to the way I live, I'm relatively symptom-free. There are entire days now where I don't even have a myoclonic jerk... I just found a perfect way to balance how I do things: Not a lot of caffeine, never get less then 8 hours of sleep, no conversations with people longer then 2-3 minutes... there's a list a mile long of adjustments I've had to make... but there have been stretches of days recently where I'm like 'I haven't jerked at all... no headaches...' Haven't had a full-bore TC since June of last year... so while I still jerk and have these limitations... taking them into account... I'm okay... it's not the ideal way for me to live, but it's a way of living.... just getting busy... getting busy...
I have a damaged brain and it stops me from doing a lot of the things I want to do... I don't use it as an excuse, mind you... it just simply is one. I wanted to be a writer my entire life but that's out of the question now.... so while I've been sad about all the things I can't do, I've forgotten to focus on what I Can do... so I can look at a pretty sky.... I can kiss my beautiful wife... pet my dogs... I won't sparkle and 'shake the world', so I've lost my aspirations... but I feel like in surrendering to my deficits, I've shrugged off a huge burden.
I can only work with the parts that function to the best of my ability. I can't ruminate forever on what I 'could be' or 'wanted to be' - at the end of the day,e venetually, I just have to find a peace I can curl up to and lay my hat on. So I won't have that extraordinary life I dreamed of... I can still have an extraordinary experience, none the less. The world is in the eye of the beholder, you can shape your mood and your lust for life at your own will... you just have to adjust expectations and savor every dull day with the kind of wanton hunger you'd afford to a lavish daydream adventure. You can be blissful when all the world is falling apart because at th eend of the day, I've realized.... nothing else matters; only how I perceive it. I can be happy and I am happy 'cuz I'm just too damn tired of being sad and miserable... it's too much work.
It's a choice to be miserable.
It's a choice to be happy.
I should have gone the latter route a long time ago...
... woulda saved a lot of misery.
I have finally come to terms with myself and in finding a rythmn and balance to the way I live, I'm relatively symptom-free. There are entire days now where I don't even have a myoclonic jerk... I just found a perfect way to balance how I do things: Not a lot of caffeine, never get less then 8 hours of sleep, no conversations with people longer then 2-3 minutes... there's a list a mile long of adjustments I've had to make... but there have been stretches of days recently where I'm like 'I haven't jerked at all... no headaches...' Haven't had a full-bore TC since June of last year... so while I still jerk and have these limitations... taking them into account... I'm okay... it's not the ideal way for me to live, but it's a way of living.... just getting busy... getting busy...
I have a damaged brain and it stops me from doing a lot of the things I want to do... I don't use it as an excuse, mind you... it just simply is one. I wanted to be a writer my entire life but that's out of the question now.... so while I've been sad about all the things I can't do, I've forgotten to focus on what I Can do... so I can look at a pretty sky.... I can kiss my beautiful wife... pet my dogs... I won't sparkle and 'shake the world', so I've lost my aspirations... but I feel like in surrendering to my deficits, I've shrugged off a huge burden.
I can only work with the parts that function to the best of my ability. I can't ruminate forever on what I 'could be' or 'wanted to be' - at the end of the day,e venetually, I just have to find a peace I can curl up to and lay my hat on. So I won't have that extraordinary life I dreamed of... I can still have an extraordinary experience, none the less. The world is in the eye of the beholder, you can shape your mood and your lust for life at your own will... you just have to adjust expectations and savor every dull day with the kind of wanton hunger you'd afford to a lavish daydream adventure. You can be blissful when all the world is falling apart because at th eend of the day, I've realized.... nothing else matters; only how I perceive it. I can be happy and I am happy 'cuz I'm just too damn tired of being sad and miserable... it's too much work.
It's a choice to be miserable.
It's a choice to be happy.
I should have gone the latter route a long time ago...
... woulda saved a lot of misery.
