I'm dating someone with epilepsy...

[Amysm]

I just started dating a guy with epilepsy. I really like him he's super sweet. He told me he had epilepsy on our first date and to be honest it doesn't bother me. He's too great to pass up. I'm just afraid I won't know what to do if he has a seizure. How does it affect our sexual life? Should I not do certain things? He told me he had a 15% chance of having kids... Anyone have success in planting a seed? Do the chances get shorter the older he gets? Should I just tell him to stop masturbating and save them up? (joke) I want to know everything. I've read a couple things and they only help me out so much I want to know from people with experience. Thank you. onder:

 

[momof3boys]

Well, Im a 30 yr old female who was dx'd with Epilepsy at the age of 18 months. Ive been on medication since then. I have three kids, and havnt had any issues becoming pregnant, I dont know how it is with guys though who have epilepsy. When I was younger, around the age of 13 or so I had alot of irregular periods, and by the age of 18, I was told I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and my chances of concieving were little to none. I was put on Glucophage XR and birth control pills to regulate my periods. At the age of 22 I found out I was three months pregnant. I was even on the birth control pill at the time we concieved. Had no idea I was pregnant til one morning I woke up feeling different. I was engaged at the time and my fianace (now husband) said to take a pregnant test just to be sure. I told him how drs always told me I could never have kids, and was for sure I wasnt pregnant. Well when I took that test and it came back positive I was in complete shock! We had two more kids after our first, and to this day, I havnt had any trouble with concieving. Has he been told he has other health issues besides Epilepsy that could cause him not have kids?

If I were you, I would just be there for him, and take it day by day.

 

[Nakamova]

Hi Amysm, welcome to CWE!

What kinds of seizures does your guy have? If he has tonic-clonics, here's the drill:

WHAT HAPPENS IN A TONIC-CLONIC SEIZURE:
The person goes stiff, loses consciousness and then falls to the ground. This is followed by jerking movements. A blue tinge around the mouth is likely (and normal -- this is due to irregular breathing.) Loss of bladder and/or bowel control may happen. After a minute or two the jerking movements should stop and consciousness may slowly return.

DO:
-- Protect the person from injury - (remove harmful objects from nearby)
-- Cushion their head
-- Aid breathing by gently placing them on their side once the seizure has finished
-- Stay with the person until recovery is complete
-- Let the person know what has happened, and reassure them

DON'T:
-- Restrain the person’s movements
-- Put anything in the person’s mouth
-- Try to move them unless they are in danger
-- Give them anything to eat or drink until they are fully recovered
-- Attempt to bring them round

CALL AN AMBULANCE IF:
-- You know it is the person’s first seizure
-- The seizure continues for more than five minutes
-- One tonic-clonic seizure follows another without the person regaining consciousness between seizures
-- The person is injured during the seizure
-- You believe the person needs urgent medical attention

If his seizures are completely controlled you may never need this info, of course.
There are other kinds of seizures that don't involve full loss of consciousness. If your guy has these kinds, he should explain to you what variety he has, what happens during them, and what if anything to do when they occur.

If his seizures are controlled, then they shouldn't affect your sex life. Some anti-seizure meds can affect libido (both pro and con), but there aren't a ton of definitive studies out there for every drug and every seizure disorder. There's some useful info here about sexual functional and fertility with guys and epilepsy: http://professionals.epilepsy.com/wi/print_section.php?section=specpop_men#men_infertil

Multiple factors can affect fertility. It's unusual for him to say that he only has a 15% chance of having kids -- that would be tough to determine unless he's had an extensive work-up from a hormone specialist. More about fertility issues here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2685882/

Best,
Nakamova

 

[greggipod]

Hi Amysm! Welcome!!!

A good place to start in understanding more about his epilepsy is to ask him about it. It will show that you really care about him and that it doesn't frighten you. This way you can find out if his seizures are well-controlled on medication or their frequency, if he tends to have a particular type of seizure, if he has any triggers which bring them on, if they tend to occur at a particular time, etc.

As far as the sexual side of things go, I don't see any reason why epilepsy alone should cause any problems in that department! The only thing that might cause a *small* problem (no pun intended!) is if he happens to be on a medication that causes sexual side effects--but I don't think a lot of anticonvulsants do--mostly antidepressants or mood stabilizers. But it's probably a little to early to discuss that! LOL

Another great thing to educate yourself on would be basic seizure first aid. Epilepsy.com is a great resource--and has information about first aid, medications, seizure types, etc.

IMHO--I hope that if he's not able to have children naturally that it is not a deal breaker for you. I say this as a man who is not able to have children myself...something which I still find devastating. But, for the record, it is related to a benign pituitary tumor--not my epilepsy. Also, since he says there is a 15% chance--there may be reproductive services available to you to help you along should you need to cross that bridge.

I hope this helps! Good luck!!
Greg

 

[greggipod]

Wow--thanks for the link to the fertility article, Nakamova!

It's interesting to think that all this time I've thought that my reproductive issues have been solely to blame on my pituitary tumor--but now, knowing that it's possibly interrelated with the epilepsy explains a lot why my testosterone replacement therapy isn't helping as much as I'd like.

Sounds like it's time to get neurology, psychiatry, AND endocrinology talking to each other more frequently!

Greg

 

[C0urt]

the drugs caused more of an issues with my sex life than the epilepsy did.

I am not in the shape I should be, but it is mostly do to the drugs. if it is a long term thing for the both of you. Get used to body fluids (all most all of them at some point in time or another they aren't so bad and they wash off)
and going to the doc with him. you may have to remember things.

 

[valeriedl]

I had epilepsy for a year when I started dating my now husband. I guess you could say that he's almost been there from the start learning about things and how to help me right along with my family.

On our first date then he knew that I had epilepsy, in my opinion that is good because it means he's not hiding it from you. I also told him that didn't want to have kids because of the epilepsy. He already had a kid so that didn't bother him.

Our sex life is great, but I'm the one who has epilepsy so I don't know if it effects guys in ways or not.

The list that Nakamova put on is something to remember.

The first seizure I had with my husband he called my parents. My dad told him to wait 5 minutes then call him back and let him know how I was doing. When he called back I was still having the seizure so we ended up going to the ER. He stayed calm through the whole thing. I was supprised that he did, I thought for sure he was going to go crazy because here's this goofy girl he met a few weeks eairler in the ER.

That's one of the most important things is for you to stay calm no matter what type of seizure it is that he has. If you feel you can't or if the seizure is going on for a long time then take him to the ER or call an ambulance to come.

You can find alot of help on here about things.

 

[Wobblez]

Hey Newbie! Welcome to CWE! As usual people have provided heaps of helpful information, Nakamova especially. My advice would be to ask him about it as Greg suggested. Do ur research, take a first aid course and don't worry about your sex life. As far as i'm aware, you don't have to do anything differently. Be aware that some people's seizures can be triggered by orgasms. Therefore, I think it's best you be really boring in bed lol. Just kidding. Above all, I just like people to have a compassionate but stubborn sense of humour towards it. Sometimes my epilepsy gets me down but it's things like my mum checking on me when i'm in the bath and asking if she can throw her washing in with me that cheer me up. We all have our crosses to bear Good on you for being so understanding, honest and cool about your boyfriend's epilepsy!

 

[Dignan]

My experience as a guy with epilepsy is its the med rather than the seizures. Some can be a direct hindrance (libido and otherwise) while other drugs can take a toll on a man's sexual function through long term damage caused by years of use (usually effecting hormones).

Largely it depends on the particular drug and the particular person as each person reacts differently to each med in this area. I took Dilantin for years with no troubles at all (even though it is claimed not to be helpful to a man sexually) when I got off that drug and onto another, supposedly better (lesser side effects) drug, which was Keppra, I notice my desire and function nearly died completely.

I've been to several docs about this (neuro, uro, and endo) and often the neuros don't have a good understanding about other body systems, while other specialists don't have a complete understanding of the neurology problems. So, it is a challenge where the individual has to be a very active participant.

Personally, I'm probably going to switch back to Dilantin for this very reason, but again if he is having function issues, it is likely the drug and could change for the better if he switches to something else. If it is a matter of inability to have children but not sexual function, then it could be drugs suppressing his sperm motility, but he should see a uro or endo or reproductive specialist to confirm.

Hope that helps..