Before I post this, I really have no idea what forum it belong in. And since I'm new I don't really know what kind of responses I'm going to get, but I'll take my chances... I did something terrible to my parents when I was a teenager, and I don't know how to get them to trust me again. These actions are inexcusable... I've come here because I don't think they trust me when I come to them with a pain, I think they still believe I'm going to lie to them again. I'll start this off by saying I was diagnosed at a very young age. Every time after I had a seizure, my parents would try and make me feel better and would buy me a new toy or something, you know? So I guess I've had it ingrained in my mind since then that seizure = attention + reward. Not that that is an excuse to do what I did... At age 15 I had a Grand Mal seizure and following coma that changed my life forever, (as stated in my bio). Years after that, at around age 18, I should have known better as they taught me so, but against better judgment, I began faking seizures... This only lasted until about age 19ish, which is when I took it too far by faking one so long I was taken to an ER by ambulance. I am so ashamed of my self. Looking back I cannot even believe how foolish I was had I not lived it. Because I live at home still, I came to them with a very real chest pain, that had persisted for 3 days. A few days later it had still not gone, and I asked if we could go to the doctor, they decided to take me to the ER instead. After staying the night for observation, our family Cardiologist (we have a history of heart defects), came and said I could leave after they got some results from a test they took the first day back. Now every chance my mother gets, she reminds me, about how much money they spent during my 2 day stay, which is why I feel she still doesn't trust me. "Well, we're still paying such and such off. Do you know how much that was?". I realize I did stupid things in my teenage years, but I'm a grown man and would never go back to those ways.
Irreparable Damage?
- Thread starter Senjuro
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It may take some time to regain the trust of your parents. I'm sure they were very frightened during the faked seizures that they thought were real, and they might be thinking "how could you put us through this?"
Do what you can to prove yourself trustworthy again, in every aspect of your life not just medically. You say that you are a grown man but that you live at home - are you working or going to a college or trade school to develop a career?
Since money seems to be a concern for your mother, perhaps a first step to proving yourself trustworthy will be to create a payment schedule to pay back your parents for the time you were in the hospital. Even if you can afford only a small amount at a time to pay them, stick with your promise.
Do what you can to prove yourself trustworthy again, in every aspect of your life not just medically. You say that you are a grown man but that you live at home - are you working or going to a college or trade school to develop a career?
Since money seems to be a concern for your mother, perhaps a first step to proving yourself trustworthy will be to create a payment schedule to pay back your parents for the time you were in the hospital. Even if you can afford only a small amount at a time to pay them, stick with your promise.
I'm sorry to say I'm not doing either. I guess I was too selfish to realize that I should be paying them more than the expenses my disability covers. And as much as what I'm about to write sounds like excuses, it's all I have to work with at the moment. I'm on disability/food stamps which covers my expenses, doctor's visits, food, rent etc. Because I am unable to drive because I still do have real seizures, and I am never able to reach the 1 year seizure free to apply for a license. Even if I did get my license, if I have another seizure I have to notify my Neuro about it and may have to wait another 6 months to a year. I do plenty of chores and help as much as I can, and talking about it, I realize I have a larger feeling of entitlement than I realized, and I shouldn't. I've avoided college because it's just too much money, and seeing that I have no job, the debt would be put on my parents yet again. I've looked into grants and they only cover a small portion of what would be a very expensive endeavor. After re-reading this it just sounds like a slew of bad excuses, but I have no idea what else I can do... I don't ask for very much around the house, I try and consume as few resources as possible and I'm very respectful to every person in the house, family or otherwise.
Matthew74
Stalwart
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Senjuro,
Obviously it was wrong to fake the seizure, but teenagers do all kinds of dumb things, some of them pretty terrible. Try not to beat yourself up about it. If there is some moral weakness or fault there, acknowledge it without despairing and work on it. Humor helps.
Try watching this clip from the "Goonies". If you haven't seen it "Chunk", the kid, has been captured by the evil Fratellis. The Fratellis are trying to find Chunk's friends. They threaten to put his hand in a blender and demand that he tell them everything he knows. He spills the beans.
I have been in exactly your situation. It sounds like your are doing your best. Maybe there is an issue of trust there, but it could be other things too. I think that my mother always resented my epilepsy. I lived at home, worked as much as I could, did things around the house, paid my own bills, bought my own food, and didn't ask for anything, even rides. Somehow she still felt like I was irresponsible, lazy, inconsiderate, etc. Whenever I would end up in the emergency room, and I called her to let them know, she always gave me a hard time and blamed me, as if I had done something wrong. She probably wasn't really mad at me personally for any good reason, she was just mad she had to live with my illness.
If you can manage it, you should think about going to school or getting your own place. I thought for years that while I was home I could improve my relationship with my family, but I wasn't able to make it happen. I'm not at all saying that you can't improve your relationship. You and your family are different. I'm just saying that a relationship requires two willing people. If the other person is not willing, there's not much you can do. Things may change with time.
I was more or less raised to think that I was always the problem. I'm also sensitive and conscientious. All that, combined with having epilepsy, made me scared to take risks, to be independent, and to be assertive. So, I was sick, had little or no moral support, felt bad about myself, and then was expected to be "normal".
One thing that helped me was working for this guy as a house painter. We were a lot different, but he encouraged me to try things, appreciated my work, and told me when I did a good job. He was fun and a positive force in my life. I also saw how he raised his kids. Sometimes people need told what they are doing wrong, but more often they need told what they are doing right, and need their efforts recognized. If all you get is negative feedback it's no good. I didn't need any more criticism, I needed positivity and encouragement. It helped enormously. I'm not "completely transformed" or anything like that, but it gave me a new perspective, and it made me realize how important it is for me to be around people who make me feel good.
Obviously it was wrong to fake the seizure, but teenagers do all kinds of dumb things, some of them pretty terrible. Try not to beat yourself up about it. If there is some moral weakness or fault there, acknowledge it without despairing and work on it. Humor helps.
Try watching this clip from the "Goonies". If you haven't seen it "Chunk", the kid, has been captured by the evil Fratellis. The Fratellis are trying to find Chunk's friends. They threaten to put his hand in a blender and demand that he tell them everything he knows. He spills the beans.
I have been in exactly your situation. It sounds like your are doing your best. Maybe there is an issue of trust there, but it could be other things too. I think that my mother always resented my epilepsy. I lived at home, worked as much as I could, did things around the house, paid my own bills, bought my own food, and didn't ask for anything, even rides. Somehow she still felt like I was irresponsible, lazy, inconsiderate, etc. Whenever I would end up in the emergency room, and I called her to let them know, she always gave me a hard time and blamed me, as if I had done something wrong. She probably wasn't really mad at me personally for any good reason, she was just mad she had to live with my illness.
If you can manage it, you should think about going to school or getting your own place. I thought for years that while I was home I could improve my relationship with my family, but I wasn't able to make it happen. I'm not at all saying that you can't improve your relationship. You and your family are different. I'm just saying that a relationship requires two willing people. If the other person is not willing, there's not much you can do. Things may change with time.
I was more or less raised to think that I was always the problem. I'm also sensitive and conscientious. All that, combined with having epilepsy, made me scared to take risks, to be independent, and to be assertive. So, I was sick, had little or no moral support, felt bad about myself, and then was expected to be "normal".
One thing that helped me was working for this guy as a house painter. We were a lot different, but he encouraged me to try things, appreciated my work, and told me when I did a good job. He was fun and a positive force in my life. I also saw how he raised his kids. Sometimes people need told what they are doing wrong, but more often they need told what they are doing right, and need their efforts recognized. If all you get is negative feedback it's no good. I didn't need any more criticism, I needed positivity and encouragement. It helped enormously. I'm not "completely transformed" or anything like that, but it gave me a new perspective, and it made me realize how important it is for me to be around people who make me feel good.
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Thank you
Matthew74, Thank you for the humorous response. Lol, I needed that. I get what you mean, and thank you again for your insight. I think what you said is exactly what I need to do, scary accurate to my situation really. And thanks again to the others for their responses. I appreciate all the help, and much needed advice you've given me.
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Hello Senjuro,
I agree with what a few members have said and by what you've stated I think you've learnt your lesson because having proper seizures alone is bad enough...in all you just need to gain your parents respect because any form of illness can cause worry on quite a few family members
I agree with what a few members have said and by what you've stated I think you've learnt your lesson because having proper seizures alone is bad enough...in all you just need to gain your parents respect because any form of illness can cause worry on quite a few family members
I agree, Tez_20. I believe I have indeed learned from those mistakes, and I try every day to try and make up for them. My parents have been through so much with me medically, the thought of a trip to the ER must be sickening. I can't imagine what they went through waiting for their child to wake up from a coma and then suffer even more through medicine trial and error to get the seizures under control... That seizure changed everything, and I feel even though I went through a hell of a time recovering, they bore the brunt of everything.Hello Senjuro,
I agree with what a few members have said and by what you've stated I think you've learnt your lesson because having proper seizures alone is bad enough...in all you just need to gain your parents respect because any form of illness can cause worry on quite a few family members
I often think our parents have had a worse time dealing with seizures, medical appts, etc. then we have ourselves. I live on my own - and was already on my own when my seizures began - but I know my parents worry more than they should need to worry when their child is living independently.
I know what you mean. They are there to comfort us, but who will be there to comfort them? I try my best to be an encouragement to every one, and reassure them that I am/will be okay. But I guess there will never be a "cure" for worry, huh?