I've been having a cumulative feeling

[petero]

I had seizures on whatever day it was, on Monday? I guess, and I've been having this feeling where I'm thinking something in my head, and something in the world happens, events happen, and it's like the thing that happens is a cumulative result and it represents what goes on through my head at that time, a symbolic representation...
it feels like a reconstruction process of my brain - a process of reconstruction a layer at a time and my brain is trying to find relevant events to attach to.
there's a vague feeling like there are people manipulating my life, or they are the ones doing this to me

yuck - I'm wondering if several days is too long to still feel the effects of a seizure period?
I still don't feel quite normal and I have the feeling at times like the seizure is trying to pull me back down in
it feels like a ghost is manipulating my life during this process too
yuck yuck yuck
it feels good to not think about anything, especially to not think about the seizure period

 

[PFunk]

Hey Pete. Have you talk to your Neuro about this?

 

[petero]

I don't have a set neurologist yet - but I'm working on it now
I don't have insurance so I've been going through the state system here
it gets so confusing I tend to just drop it - and by then I'll be feeling better so I'll leave it. I don't have seizures VERY often
but I need to get it settled - I have a feeling they're getting more varied and frequent, and worse

 

[PFunk]

it gets so confusing I tend to just drop it

I think they make it that way on purpose.

 

[MaeDae]

I had seizures on whatever day it was, on Monday? I guess, and I've been having this feeling where I'm thinking something in my head, and something in the world happens, events happen, and it's like the thing that happens is a cumulative result and it represents what goes on through my head at that time, a symbolic representation...
it feels like a reconstruction process of my brain - a process of reconstruction a layer at a time and my brain is trying to find relevant events to attach to.

that's very Intriguing. I have had similar experiences. I think of them as daydreams. I can be doing something intense (adding money, typing even physical stuff like cleaning) and I freeze. I go into a deep, deep daydream or at least that’s what I think they are? It literally plays out in my head when I suddenly realize that I am daydreaming. It’s very scary that my mind takes off like that. It’s been happening a little more than normal lately. I at first thought it was hallucinations (and very well may be) as a result of medicine, but since it was happening before I was given any type of anti-seizure med, I guess not. They seem to have gotten greater and more frequent since I started taking meds. Funny thing is, they never get played out until the end, and I never know how the freaking dreams ends. I must remember to mention at next dr’s visit.

Petero,
Also, I’m sorry to here your having difficulty getting in to see a neuro dr. I will be facing that problem real soon. My insurance is changing to a deductible of $150 until I have reached and $3000 cap, I don’t have $3000 lying around anywhere. Not only do I currently see a neuro dr, but I also see a cardio, pulmonalogist, therapist and pcm. I’m going to have to give em all up and pick just one. I mentioned in another thread/post that I’m going to wean myself off the meds and go for what I know. This shit is too stressful. It makes my head swim, keeping my heart underwater and I’m drowning in the muck of it all.

Again, best wishes!

 

[MaeDae]

sorry for the lanquage

 

[petero]

... I have had similar experiences. I think of them as daydreams. I can be doing something intense (adding money, typing even physical stuff like cleaning) and I freeze. I go into a deep, deep daydream or at least that’s what I think they are? It literally plays out in my head when I suddenly realize that I am daydreaming. It’s very scary that my mind takes off like that. It’s been happening a little more than normal lately. I at first thought it was hallucinations (and very well may be) as a result of medicine, but since it was happening before I was given any type of anti-seizure med, I guess not. They seem to have gotten greater and more frequent since I started taking meds. Funny thing is, they never get played out until the end, and I never know how the freaking dreams ends. I must remember to mention at next dr’s visit.

Petero,
Also, I’m sorry to here your having difficulty getting in to see a neuro dr. I will be facing that problem real soon. My insurance is changing to a deductible of $150 until I have reached and $3000 cap, I don’t have $3000 lying around anywhere. Not only do I currently see a neuro dr, but I also see a cardio, pulmonalogist, therapist and pcm. I’m going to have to give em all up and pick just one. I mentioned in another thread/post that I’m going to wean myself off the meds and go for what I know. This shit is too stressful. It makes my head swim, keeping my heart underwater and I’m drowning in the muck of it all.

Again, best wishes!

mine don't seem really like daydreams - they feel like a mind-meld that's lost its structural integrity relating to a bad seizure period two years ago that my mind is still trying to piece together - and I'll see people that ~resonate a ~significance~ of some sort immediately, and then about an hour later my mind will piece these faces, pieces, whatnot, together and then indicate "hey, was this person at the hospital incident?" and it feels like people and instances being "presented" to me for some reason - for some sort of mind meld design that feels like it has lost its structural integrity at this point and when these people-events appear in life it's recognition, no context, time passes, then the context of the hospital creeps up and will seem to have an "AHA!" type of relevance, at which point it stirs up my paranoia and makes me feel like GTFO of society - it stirs up the bad feelings that someone I don't know is <giving> me seizures as some sort of punishment and for why I don't know, and now it seems these people are confirming that as being members of some secret society... or whateverhtekfuc

I am sorry to hear about your issues... I AM glad you taught your head how to swim.
hang in there!

 

[MaeDae]

I dont think I can relate to that, I have not had a tonic clonic seizure yet. But, After my annie, because I don't remember anything except the pain and the ambulance ride to hospital, I had to recontruct the entire event. Im still missing a week. I asked over and over what happened and to give an account of what took place each day until I was coherent enough to know where I was. I did this Petero for 4 months.
Finally, a family mmember sugested that I write it all down or journal it. I still have flash backs small ones of course, but the most disturbing ones. They all told me I was out of character, saying and doing things I wouldn't normally do other than cussing! but they wouldn't say what I did. So, that left a huge gap. I've even dreamed about it happening all over again, certain smells, sounds trigger auto fear for me also.