I've been having bad mood crashes lately

[petero]

it seems like everyone I know is "against" me somehow because no one but ME is >THERE< and it seems like people are trying to protect me from myself which makes me feel just about like a 4 year old.

does anyone have any advice for those mood crashes of worthlessness?

I've also had a lot of feelings lately that I'm the subject of some kind of youtube camphone video or something to my unbeknownst

I guess it's just the feeling of freefall- the unknown- the void- the feeling of disappearing for a while

experiencing these sorts of phenomenon it's easy to see where myths come from- like vampires, werewolves etc. evil shit on the "other side" and we are the travelers between the places

the evil draped on us like cloaks even after we've returned

I get recollections of things of previous seizure period and it not good - I feel like a horrible person and vile out of control scumbag and try to keep reminding myself that it is my moods out of control from the seizure but it is so hard to find distinction points

thinking of this current feeling I'm experiencing I bet I had seizures for a long time growing up because I remember this feeling relating to all sorts of different things

I'm not even sure I have seizures because I'm not there

someone is fucking with my life and I don't know why

 

[petero]

life has lost its meaning
some forces have been f***ing with my life, my psychology, my plans - I'm wearing shoes I don't even like

 

[Nakamova]

does anyone have any advice for those mood crashes of worthlessness?

Tried and true: Therapy, meds, exercise, connection with others. Volunteer somewhere if you can.

And go ahead and get a pair of shoes you DO like. Whatever it takes -- sometimes it's the little things that can make us laugh or be happy.

 

[RunningGirl85]

Agreed with Nakamova. I tend to struggle with those feeling sometimes (though I'm less of an angry person, and more of a sort of depressed person when my moods aren't quite right), and the best things for me to do is to MAKE MYSELF get out and do something, even if it's just going for a walk or a run or going and buying myself something.... Just getting out and "out of my head" helps a lot.

I hope you feel better soon

 

[petero]

thanks guys

I know exactly what you mean re: getting out of my head - a lot of circular thinking some of which is not in a good place

 

[Dolores]

Dilantin levels too high?

Petero, I saw that you take Dilantin (I found this site by googling Dilantin fluctuations and came upon your post from last month). I'm having a terrible mood swing and am wondering if it is because my Dilantin level is too high.

I know that Dilantin levels fluctuate for no apparent reason. I've tracked my levels for 15 years. I try to keep mine at a level 18 but last test was a level 20 - just on the tipping point.

Have you ever been able to connect your mood swing with your dilantin levels?
I'm scared right now because I'm all alone and I can't get a blood test on Memorial Day and I feel woozy. Not the best way to describe it but the only word I can think of at this moment.
I'll get a blood test tomorrow and see if that is the problem.
I hate this controlling my life - I'm afraid to do anything and that makes it so much worse.

Sorry for venting about my problems.
~ Dolores

 

[petero]

hey Dolores
I try to keep tabs on my levels but I'm not very good at it other than twice a year or so, and then with getting them checked when I have seizures every couple months
so I guess I rely mostly on my seizures to get them checked - d'oh

but my level stays around 7 I think

 

[Dolores]

Wow, I'd have a seizure if I was only at a level 7.
First time I found out about overdosing I was at a level 43 - not a fun experience. But I like to keep my levels high because at least I can tell when I'm overdosing (though it takes me awhile to attribute it to the dilantin) - I don't have any warning before a seizure.

I'm now at a level 19.9 (got a blood test tuesday). I've kept track of my dilantin levels and dosages since 1998 so I was able to throttled back my dilantin to a dosage level I had been at previously.The depression no longer has control of me, something I wouldn't have believed last week. I see my doctor next Tuesday and will discuss changing my dosage.

Ah the joys of living with epilepsy.
All I know is that at times life is really wonderful. I hang on to those moments when things seem to fall apart.

Enjoy Life!

 

[petero]

hi Dolores and welcome to this forum
I'm on 500mg of phenytoin a day and was diagnosed in 2008 so I'm still relatively new to this I guess (?) compared to some
so I may be confused as to my blood levels - I do get them checked in the ER at times, postictal - so I may be off the numbers, while I'm still out of it - you know

we are lucky to be human aren't we