Need suggestions really bad.

[Matthew74]

I'm not doing well. I don't know what to do.

I need suggestions on how to proceed with things. I am not capable of living on my own, working full time, doing everything myself, and paying rent. I simply can't do it. I would never expect someone else in my position to do so. The problem is that I have no choice, and no other option.

I'm trying to apply for rental assistance, and I can't get it done. I can't get myself to apply for jobs.

My rational self knows that all of this is virtually pointless. I just keep coming up against the fact that there is very little evidence that I am capable of doing everything alone. I tell myself that it doesn't matter, and you have to pay rent, so you have to do it anyhow. It doesn't matter if it's reasonable or not. I try to do it, and I just can't face it. I don't know what to do. It's so humiliating because I didn't want to put myself in this position. I would not have assumed responsibilities that I knew I could not manage, but I didn't have a choice. All people see is a normal middle aged man, who should be able to take care of everything. I'm really going downhill, and I need suggestions.

There is simply no one to turn to, and I can't pick myself up. I was afraid this would happen eventually. I'll just run out of resources and eventually get an eviction notice, and then maybe I'll get help. I don't want that to happen. I can't become homeless, because of obvious reasons. I don't even know what I would do with all my stuff. It's all so humiliating.

I think something may be going on with me neurologically as well. I had shingles or something a while ago, and I haven't been the same since.

Thanks,

Matthew

 

[Porkette]

Hi Matt,

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time but ask yourself this question did you feel like this in the spring and summer because
you may just be down because of the winter blues.
I want you to get a piece of paper and write down all of what you feel you can't do and then write down the reason you feel this way.
Ex. what is stopping you from applying for a job? I've never been able to drive in the 50 yrs. I've had epilepsy but I worked full time in
my 20's and retired in 2021. Have faith in yourself and don't be afraid.
When I was in my early teens I had no family or anyone to turn to I didn't live home with my family and I was at a boarding school
because my family turned away from me do to my seizures.
You have got to get up and prove to yourself and others that you can do it. Also you need to think about on down the road when
you get older what are you going to have to fall back on for retirement. I will give you a perfect ex. my mom quit her job and depended
on family members for everything and today she is broke because she didn't want to work. She is living in gov't. housing where the
taxpayers pay for most of her rent but she has nothing. I know you don't want to be like that you are to smart of a guy.
Call your neuro and also you should see your neuropsycologist for testing to find out what's going on. It may just be your seizure meds.
I wish you only the best of luck and May God Bless You,

Sue

 

[Matthew74]

Maybe this will help flush it out - don't be afraid to skim, it's just FYI:

I've lived in:

PA (2x)
CO (2x)
MD
VA (off and on)
MA (2x)
ID (month or so)
CA
MN
FL

School:

I attended 4 elementary schools, and 2 high schools.
When I was a high school senior, the saxophone professor at Denver University wanted to give me a scholarship, but the school rejected me because of my math grades.
U. N. Colorado, 2 yrs, Music (three instruments)
U. of Co, Colorado Springs, 1 sem, Art
Thomas Aquinas College, 4 yrs, BA Liberal Arts
Holy Cross Seminary, 2 yrs, MTS (Had to drop out due to seizures, but returned to finish.)
Class at Boston College, through Holy Cross
Icon Painting Class in DC
Yale School of Music Summer Icon Painting Class
Red Wing College, Band Instrument Repair, 1 sem, 4.0 GPA, had to quit because of back surgery, tried HARD to return and finish, not possible
Volunteered at Alexandria Seaport Center
Audited Alexandria (VA) Field School with Alexandria Archaeology, George Washington U.

I was accepted to:
Catholic U. of America (MA program)
Durham U. in England (MA program)
U. of Buckingham in London, to study with Roger Scruton (MA program)
I was asked to apply to the U. of St. Michael's College in Toronto by the dean, when I was rejected by the University of Toronto (MA Program)

Here's the jobs I've done.

Intern (2x)
Docent
Visitors' center staff
Scanner/Coder
Hotel "Maid"
Fast Food (2x)
Painter/Handyman (approx. 10 years)- including one summer working mostly for myself
Tall Ship Deckhand
Gilder/Picture Frame Restorer (2x)
Library Assistant/Aide (2x)
Bicycle Mechanic (3x)
Web Content (2 yrs)
Substitute Teacher
Observer/Time Keeper Temp Job for pub. transport
Hotel Breakfast Kitchen Staff
Dishwasher

I've never earned more than $18 (Maybe 1 summer with painting, when I was paid by the job, but I was broke anyhow.)

My average stay at a job was about 9 mo or less. I did all this stuff, a lot of which I didn't really want to do, but it seemed my best or only option at the time. The reality is that working full time is just too much for me to handle physically. When I did manage to stay with a job long enough I got laid off.

I would love to have a 30 hr/week job in a workshop without any toxic people, no multitasking, and a safe commute, but how is that even possible?

 

[Jeanbean]

I'm not doing well. I don't know what to do.

I need suggestions on how to proceed with things. I am not capable of living on my own, working full time, doing everything myself, and paying rent. I simply can't do it. I would never expect someone else in my position to do so. The problem is that I have no choice, and no other option.

I'm trying to apply for rental assistance, and I can't get it done. I can't get myself to apply for jobs.

My rational self knows that all of this is virtually pointless. I just keep coming up against the fact that there is very little evidence that I am capable of doing everything alone. I tell myself that it doesn't matter, and you have to pay rent, so you have to do it anyhow. It doesn't matter if it's reasonable or not. I try to do it, and I just can't face it. I don't know what to do. It's so humiliating because I didn't want to put myself in this position. I would not have assumed responsibilities that I knew I could not manage, but I didn't have a choice. All people see is a normal middle aged man, who should be able to take care of everything. I'm really going downhill, and I need suggestions.

There is simply no one to turn to, and I can't pick myself up. I was afraid this would happen eventually. I'll just run out of resources and eventually get an eviction notice, and then maybe I'll get help. I don't want that to happen. I can't become homeless, because of obvious reasons. I don't even know what I would do with all my stuff. It's all so humiliating.

I think something may be going on with me neurologically as well. I had shingles or something a while ago, and I haven't been the same since.

Thanks,

Matthew

Matthew, first my heart goes out to you I can relate to your circumstances and applied for disability a number of years ago and maybe you are getting that? It sounds like you need support from someone to help you fill out forms, make decisions, and help you to get to a better place. Your resources are important so make a list of what you have available and try to reach out to someone through those resources. You sound depressed and I was as well until I found the right antidepressant. Epilepsy and depression go hand in hand my neurologist told me. Do you have a neighbor or family member or doctor who could help you at this time? DON'T GIVE UP there are answers!!!! Do you have a social service office in your county who could help you? Do you have one person who could help you apply for rental assistance by asking the folks at the rental assistance office? I had to stop working full time because I could no longer do it. Once I stopped having to work, it was so helpful and took a huge load off of me. It's ok and we do not need to feel ashamed. I do have family members who have stepped up and have been helping me so that helps. Can you get back to your doctor and ask why you are feeling so awful and see if you can get a medication adjustment for depression or get one if you don't have one? Please keep in touch and let me know what you find out. Thanks and God's blessings to you, Jeanne

 

[Jeanbean]

Maybe this will help flush it out - don't be afraid to skim, it's just FYI:

I've lived in:

PA (2x)
CO (2x)
MD
VA (off and on)
MA (2x)
ID (month or so)
CA
MN
FL

School:

I attended 4 elementary schools, and 2 high schools.
When I was a high school senior, the saxophone professor at Denver University wanted to give me a scholarship, but the school rejected me because of my math grades.
U. N. Colorado, 2 yrs, Music (three instruments)
U. of Co, Colorado Springs, 1 sem, Art
Thomas Aquinas College, 4 yrs, BA Liberal Arts
Holy Cross Seminary, 2 yrs, MTS (Had to drop out due to seizures, but returned to finish.)
Class at Boston College, through Holy Cross
Icon Painting Class in DC
Yale School of Music Summer Icon Painting Class
Red Wing College, Band Instrument Repair, 1 sem, 4.0 GPA, had to quit because of back surgery, tried HARD to return and finish, not possible
Volunteered at Alexandria Seaport Center
Audited Alexandria (VA) Field School with Alexandria Archaeology, George Washington U.

I was accepted to:
Catholic U. of America (MA program)
Durham U. in England (MA program)
U. of Buckingham in London, to study with Roger Scruton (MA program)
I was asked to apply to the U. of St. Michael's College in Toronto by the dean, when I was rejected by the University of Toronto (MA Program)

Here's the jobs I've done.

Intern (2x)
Docent
Visitors' center staff
Scanner/Coder
Hotel "Maid"
Fast Food (2x)
Painter/Handyman (approx. 10 years)- including one summer working mostly for myself
Tall Ship Deckhand
Gilder/Picture Frame Restorer (2x)
Library Assistant/Aide (2x)
Bicycle Mechanic (3x)
Web Content (2 yrs)
Substitute Teacher
Observer/Time Keeper Temp Job for pub. transport
Hotel Breakfast Kitchen Staff
Dishwasher

I've never earned more than $18 (Maybe 1 summer with painting, when I was paid by the job, but I was broke anyhow.)

My average stay at a job was about 9 mo or less. I did all this stuff, a lot of which I didn't really want to do, but it seemed my best or only option at the time. The reality is that working full time is just too much for me to handle physically. When I did manage to stay with a job long enough I got laid off.

I would love to have a 30 hr/week job in a workshop without any toxic people, no multitasking, and a safe commute, but how is that even possible?

Matt,
Looking at your list of jobs looks a lot like mine did very short term and hard to do with no transportation etc. I had someone take all of my information and help me apply for disability with my list as you can do it on line now. Your wants are not unreasonable but maybe working is just not a possibility for you? Thanks so much, Keep in touch Jeanne

 

[Plasticmask]

There are attorneys who can possibly get you on Social Security Disability. That's what I did. It takes a LONG TIME but you won't have to do any of the legwork, and they are easy to find online in your area. Phone consults are free. My attorney told me that she was very confident that she could get me on it, and she did. I didn't (and still don't) LIKE it, I'd rather be working and not be housebound. But they WILL listen to you, and give you an honest assessment. There are other suggestions that they can make to you, something called SSI, which I didn't need, and Home Care for which the State pays. I have a spouse fortunately who does absolutely everything but the laundry, which is the only thing that I am still able to do. It's degrading, but at least I'm not homeless nor alone. Just a suggestion, might be worth at least looking into? Oh and I'm told that if the first attorney you call tells you that you're not a good candidate, try another and another. Best of wishes your way.

 

[Matthew74]

I made some progress on rental assistance, it's almost done. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that it will be denied because I think I'm maxed out. Even if I start work tomorrow I can't earn two months rent in one month, which is what I would have to do to catch up. Maybe if I get denied, I'll get a referral for something else.

I'm seeing my epileptologist on Monday.

I'm actually on SSDI. The problem is that my award is so small. I can't work part-time and continue receiving SSDI, because in order to pay the bills I have to exceed the earnings limit. That means I have to work full-time, unless I get a much higher paying part-time job that will cover everything.

I know I need someone like a case worker, because I'm getting to the point where I really can't do all the bureaucratic stuff. As far as I can tell, there isn't anything available. I spent some serious time looking. Florida is the worst for that sort of thing. I used to be able to do whatever was absolutely necessary if I really forced myself, but it's just too hard now.

I'm completely stressed out and having these intense sensory imple partials. Of course that doesn't help at all.

Thanks for the Encouragement!

 

[Plasticmask]

I don't know anything about Florida. But where I live, they devote entire apartment buildings for people like us, and they are NOT slums, they are NICE and well-maintained. I had a very good friend who used to cut my hair, he was dying of AIDS which finally took him several years ago. I don't recall what assistance he was getting financially, but apparently it was enough to go to bars, and to buy weed for himself because his apartment, although small and very clean, always smelled of pot, haha. His building was immaculate, in a VERY nice area of town, it used to be a Hotel I'm sure because the apartments were indoor and the building had an elevator... and I never worried about my car when I used their parking lot and couldn't keep it in view. He always had the funniest stories about the people with whom he'd get drunk. I'm confident that I'm not the only friend he had, who misses him dearly. Anyway, all I was getting at is that there's housing for us disabled people, Rx cost aid, all manner of things that MIGHT not have occurred to you. I still wonder if an attorney can't help you. Calling State advocates is often not helpful because our Government in it's infinite wisdom wants to save money more than help us. They'll tell us NO right to OUR faces, but not to a lawyer. I'm not the only one who is proof of this. I can make the mortgage and some of the utilities, and my Wife who still works can handle the lawn service and groceries, et al. Heck we just had to have our Oaks cut back, and I was alarmed at what THOSE thieving bastards charged us. But we handled it. I still think that a Law Firm for the disabled can help.