appsandsuch
New
- Messages
- 37
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
Hey guys,
I'm breathing deeply in order to write this thread. Ever since my cluster of odd seizures the other day (Saturday night/Sunday morning) I've felt extremely off. Granted, things have gotten a little better, but not much.
Initially, on Sunday, all day I felt extremely depressed- a depression I had never felt before. I just sat around and waited for something...anything...to happen. I kept feeling like I was going to have another seizure- i was scared out of my mind. I was also, understandably, extremely tired, so I slept on and off. Later in the day, I also had extra meds in my system, though- some Ativan that I'm not used to having there, so perhaps that helped a little.
Yesterday, Monday, I stayed home from work and was lucky enough to have my boyfriend work at home with me because the idea of being alone terrified me (normally I enjoy my alone time.) My fear wasn't as strong, nor was the depression, but it was definitely still there - I can't think of anything that excites me- I'm not normally like that. I didn't feel like myself at all. And this was after almost 12 hours of sleep (slept from 8 - 10 during the superbowl and then 10 - 8 am again.) I believe I used Ativan again, but I can't remember because my short term memory is shit. I can barely remember what I just opened the fridge to get.
Today, I was hoping things would be a bit better. I think, because I'm forcing them to a little bit by going to work (I couldn't stand being at home anymore) and because I saw my neurologist yesterday and talked about some options, my spirits were lifted from the pits to the shallow pits. I just don't feel like myself. I felt off when we got home last night from the doctor so another Ativan it was, and slept for awhile.
When I got up this morning, i was hoping to feel a lot better, as this is the third day and three days just seems like a really long time for a post-ictal phase to last. I've never dealt with this before- ever- for any length of time. I'm still having memory issues, I still don't feel like myself, I'm still scared of everything, I still have no appetite. On the bus to work, I started feeling awful- like I was in an inbetween mental state- like I could lapse into a seizure at any minute. When I walked into work I took a small dose of Ativan to get me through, but I certainly don't want to be relying on it when, just three days ago, I spent five of the best weeks of my life just being myself, no seizures, no auras, no anxiety, nothing.
What is going on? Tell me about postictal phases. Tell me about how to deal with them. Why am I freaked out about everything? Why don't I feel like me? Why do I have no memory? No appetite? When will I be normal again? I could cry and cry, but I know the only reason I'm able to type this is because there's a benzodiazepine in my system- otherwise, I'd be worrying about what's going to happen to my brain in two seconds.
This is awful. Please help.
Sarah
I'm breathing deeply in order to write this thread. Ever since my cluster of odd seizures the other day (Saturday night/Sunday morning) I've felt extremely off. Granted, things have gotten a little better, but not much.
Initially, on Sunday, all day I felt extremely depressed- a depression I had never felt before. I just sat around and waited for something...anything...to happen. I kept feeling like I was going to have another seizure- i was scared out of my mind. I was also, understandably, extremely tired, so I slept on and off. Later in the day, I also had extra meds in my system, though- some Ativan that I'm not used to having there, so perhaps that helped a little.
Yesterday, Monday, I stayed home from work and was lucky enough to have my boyfriend work at home with me because the idea of being alone terrified me (normally I enjoy my alone time.) My fear wasn't as strong, nor was the depression, but it was definitely still there - I can't think of anything that excites me- I'm not normally like that. I didn't feel like myself at all. And this was after almost 12 hours of sleep (slept from 8 - 10 during the superbowl and then 10 - 8 am again.) I believe I used Ativan again, but I can't remember because my short term memory is shit. I can barely remember what I just opened the fridge to get.
Today, I was hoping things would be a bit better. I think, because I'm forcing them to a little bit by going to work (I couldn't stand being at home anymore) and because I saw my neurologist yesterday and talked about some options, my spirits were lifted from the pits to the shallow pits. I just don't feel like myself. I felt off when we got home last night from the doctor so another Ativan it was, and slept for awhile.
When I got up this morning, i was hoping to feel a lot better, as this is the third day and three days just seems like a really long time for a post-ictal phase to last. I've never dealt with this before- ever- for any length of time. I'm still having memory issues, I still don't feel like myself, I'm still scared of everything, I still have no appetite. On the bus to work, I started feeling awful- like I was in an inbetween mental state- like I could lapse into a seizure at any minute. When I walked into work I took a small dose of Ativan to get me through, but I certainly don't want to be relying on it when, just three days ago, I spent five of the best weeks of my life just being myself, no seizures, no auras, no anxiety, nothing.
What is going on? Tell me about postictal phases. Tell me about how to deal with them. Why am I freaked out about everything? Why don't I feel like me? Why do I have no memory? No appetite? When will I be normal again? I could cry and cry, but I know the only reason I'm able to type this is because there's a benzodiazepine in my system- otherwise, I'd be worrying about what's going to happen to my brain in two seconds.
This is awful. Please help.
Sarah