SJLCOPE1797
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Hello everyone, I am new here and this is my first post.
Problem Description:
I have been having pseudo seizures for about 2 years. The pattern is the same.
I am working, doing computer software development, which I like, and something frustrates me and impedes my ability to go forward. Usually it is a forgotten password or being locked out of some application I need. Other times it is as simple as forgetting how to perform a routine task, and then being unable to locate a document that describes the process. I am usually in a pleasant and rather upbeat mood until this “spell” comes over me. IF you could read my mind while these episodes happen, it would not be a flood of negative or angry thoughts. I remain rational, logical, and even try to maintain a sense of humor, as well as distract myself by talking about things I like such as woodworking or running, but even so, the shakes come and my voice stutters.
During these spells, I feel a sense of hopelessness and depression, though these feeling are not there under my normal state.
In any case, I suddenly get this jerk, like being tickled unexpectedly, or like getting an electric shock, a jolt without the pain of the electricity going through you, and fall from my chair to the floor. It is usually but not always accompanied by uncontrolled shaking or jerking or the arms and legs, lasting only for 1 to 3 seconds then stopping, only to repeat the cycle after a minute or so.
Along with this is a feeling over complete overwhelment. Even a simple task like searching an email folder becomes a mountain…much to difficult to do in this “other state”. I do not black out, forget where I am, or wet my pants.
I do feel slight nausea, and feel a heavy pressure on my chest. I stop working, close my eyes, breathe, try to relax, but it gets more intense. Eventually I get so fed up with the discomfort, with :”creating a scene at work”, or just being exhausted by the jolt-shake-release cycle that I go for the prescribed Benzos for relief. The worst case required six .5 mg on Nirvam (XANAX) to make the shaking stop,(taken one at a time at half hour intervals) but by that point I was intoxicated and could not even drive myself home, let alone work.
For the record, I take no illegal drugs, do not drink, and never had a head injury. I have had a lot of work stress for years, followed by a tragic death in my family that required me to discontinue life support. I realize we all experience loss, and my pain is no worse than anyone else’s, but I suspect my brother’s death was the primary cause, but the final straw that broke the camel’s back after years of job stress, sometimes approaching a hostile work environment. But I never had a seizure problem until about a month after my brother’s death.
Also for the record, I have never been sexually or physically abused, though I had a rough childhood – we were at the low end of the economic scale.
Attempts to Fix:
I have been to the ER 3 times for this, where after lying there for 4 hours, they released me giving me a shot of Ativan or an antihistamine and the word “follow up with your doctor”.
I have seen 4 neurologists in 32 years, including having continuous video and eeg monitoring at the UAB Seizure Monitoring Unit. They all said “You do not have epilepsy”. I is a conversion disorder:” with an anxiety component. They said to follow up with a psychiatrist and a therapist. I already did that.
I have seen 3 psychiatrists and 2 therapists, been on about 10 different SSRI’s and 3 different Benzos {Valium, Xanax, Clonopin, also for awhile took 3 different anti epilepsy drugs {Topamax, Equetro, and Lamictal), all following doctors orders precisely. So far nothing has worked, al least not for more than a couple of weeks. There are clusters – sometimes I go 3 weeks without an episode, sometimes I have 5 or 6 in a week, and even 2 or 3 in a day.
I took 2 Yoga lessons, but had a seizure during the second lesson with no identifiable trigger.
During this entire period, I walked 4 miles a day during lunch, and ran 5 marathons (slowly, like 4:40 to 5 hours). Yet I still get this problem and it is unpredictable. MY running and walk has since stopped, as I am so tired all the time I don’t have the energy to work out. I even tried going off ALL MEDS under doctor supervision, and it got worse, so now it is back to Prozac and Valium.
For a one month period I spent about 2 o 4 hours a day listening to relaxaction CDs from various New Age types, using guided imagery, binaural beats, positive affirmations, etc, and still I have the problems, also the frequent seemed lesser then, but I was on a short term leave of absence, and my episodes are triggered almost 100% while doing work related tasks.
My current shrink says it is Panic Disorder and maybe PNES. The therapist agrees. Yet after 1.5 years under their care I am getting worse.
I will probably try another therapist and continue to get my meds tweaked, though I would prefer to be on no meds. This is wearing me down big time, and I am asking for help and prayers if you are so inclined.
I feel that I have good, optimistic, and consistent attitudes towards life and people in general. No big conflicts that I know of. I have mentally forgiven people who have wronged me in the past. Overall, my life is good, and I am thankful, yet at the same time, bummed out to see myself melting down before my very eyes, and thus far being unable to stop it, despite many deliberate efforts to do so.
I have tried TM, Acupuncture, and hypnosis in the past for other problems, and never had positive results.
I am beginning to seriously wonder if one or more of the SSRI drugs I was on may have broke something that has made me MORE susceptible to falling under this spell. Yet going off the blasted things, which was quite unpleasant for PAXIL and EFFEXOR, rsulted in my feeling worse, even after being off for well over a month.
Any and all feedback is welcome. Thanks for listening.
Steve
Problem Description:
I have been having pseudo seizures for about 2 years. The pattern is the same.
I am working, doing computer software development, which I like, and something frustrates me and impedes my ability to go forward. Usually it is a forgotten password or being locked out of some application I need. Other times it is as simple as forgetting how to perform a routine task, and then being unable to locate a document that describes the process. I am usually in a pleasant and rather upbeat mood until this “spell” comes over me. IF you could read my mind while these episodes happen, it would not be a flood of negative or angry thoughts. I remain rational, logical, and even try to maintain a sense of humor, as well as distract myself by talking about things I like such as woodworking or running, but even so, the shakes come and my voice stutters.
During these spells, I feel a sense of hopelessness and depression, though these feeling are not there under my normal state.
In any case, I suddenly get this jerk, like being tickled unexpectedly, or like getting an electric shock, a jolt without the pain of the electricity going through you, and fall from my chair to the floor. It is usually but not always accompanied by uncontrolled shaking or jerking or the arms and legs, lasting only for 1 to 3 seconds then stopping, only to repeat the cycle after a minute or so.
Along with this is a feeling over complete overwhelment. Even a simple task like searching an email folder becomes a mountain…much to difficult to do in this “other state”. I do not black out, forget where I am, or wet my pants.
I do feel slight nausea, and feel a heavy pressure on my chest. I stop working, close my eyes, breathe, try to relax, but it gets more intense. Eventually I get so fed up with the discomfort, with :”creating a scene at work”, or just being exhausted by the jolt-shake-release cycle that I go for the prescribed Benzos for relief. The worst case required six .5 mg on Nirvam (XANAX) to make the shaking stop,(taken one at a time at half hour intervals) but by that point I was intoxicated and could not even drive myself home, let alone work.
For the record, I take no illegal drugs, do not drink, and never had a head injury. I have had a lot of work stress for years, followed by a tragic death in my family that required me to discontinue life support. I realize we all experience loss, and my pain is no worse than anyone else’s, but I suspect my brother’s death was the primary cause, but the final straw that broke the camel’s back after years of job stress, sometimes approaching a hostile work environment. But I never had a seizure problem until about a month after my brother’s death.
Also for the record, I have never been sexually or physically abused, though I had a rough childhood – we were at the low end of the economic scale.
Attempts to Fix:
I have been to the ER 3 times for this, where after lying there for 4 hours, they released me giving me a shot of Ativan or an antihistamine and the word “follow up with your doctor”.
I have seen 4 neurologists in 32 years, including having continuous video and eeg monitoring at the UAB Seizure Monitoring Unit. They all said “You do not have epilepsy”. I is a conversion disorder:” with an anxiety component. They said to follow up with a psychiatrist and a therapist. I already did that.
I have seen 3 psychiatrists and 2 therapists, been on about 10 different SSRI’s and 3 different Benzos {Valium, Xanax, Clonopin, also for awhile took 3 different anti epilepsy drugs {Topamax, Equetro, and Lamictal), all following doctors orders precisely. So far nothing has worked, al least not for more than a couple of weeks. There are clusters – sometimes I go 3 weeks without an episode, sometimes I have 5 or 6 in a week, and even 2 or 3 in a day.
I took 2 Yoga lessons, but had a seizure during the second lesson with no identifiable trigger.
During this entire period, I walked 4 miles a day during lunch, and ran 5 marathons (slowly, like 4:40 to 5 hours). Yet I still get this problem and it is unpredictable. MY running and walk has since stopped, as I am so tired all the time I don’t have the energy to work out. I even tried going off ALL MEDS under doctor supervision, and it got worse, so now it is back to Prozac and Valium.
For a one month period I spent about 2 o 4 hours a day listening to relaxaction CDs from various New Age types, using guided imagery, binaural beats, positive affirmations, etc, and still I have the problems, also the frequent seemed lesser then, but I was on a short term leave of absence, and my episodes are triggered almost 100% while doing work related tasks.
My current shrink says it is Panic Disorder and maybe PNES. The therapist agrees. Yet after 1.5 years under their care I am getting worse.
I will probably try another therapist and continue to get my meds tweaked, though I would prefer to be on no meds. This is wearing me down big time, and I am asking for help and prayers if you are so inclined.
I feel that I have good, optimistic, and consistent attitudes towards life and people in general. No big conflicts that I know of. I have mentally forgiven people who have wronged me in the past. Overall, my life is good, and I am thankful, yet at the same time, bummed out to see myself melting down before my very eyes, and thus far being unable to stop it, despite many deliberate efforts to do so.
I have tried TM, Acupuncture, and hypnosis in the past for other problems, and never had positive results.
I am beginning to seriously wonder if one or more of the SSRI drugs I was on may have broke something that has made me MORE susceptible to falling under this spell. Yet going off the blasted things, which was quite unpleasant for PAXIL and EFFEXOR, rsulted in my feeling worse, even after being off for well over a month.
Any and all feedback is welcome. Thanks for listening.
Steve