I can relate to the fear and the social anxiety. I have terrible social anxiety. Not being able to drive has actually been a great thing for me. Just getting outside and walking and being around people has actually helped me. It’s easy for me to want to stay inside and hide, but the more I do that the worse I feel. It’s a daily struggle. Some days are better than others. Even today it was hard for me to get outside. But after I do, it feels so much better.
My suggestion is to just get out of your house at much as possible, even if it feels overwhelming/scary/hard. Even if it’s just sitting outside your home or walking around the block. Also it helps me to have something to do when I’m out somewhere there are a lot of people, just in case my social anxiety is overwhelming. Even if it’s just a book or magazine to look at.
And just remember, we’re all weird. No one’s perfect.. No ones looking at you.. and most of the “what if’s” that we worry about won’t actually happen, and often if they do it’s not nearly as scary as we think.
I can understand the fear of having a seizure too. After my seizure I almost obsessively thought about it. But fearing it and anticipating it won’t change anything. And you made it through your previous seizure/s, you’ll make it through the next one.
And as for drinking, try your best to quit. Expect to feel shitty at first as your body/mind adjusts. It’s tough so lots of self care is needed. And if you slip up it’s not failing or starting over. Progress is slow, then sudden. We often don’t realize the little changes we make and give ourselves enough credit.
My anxiety used to be so bad I couldn’t even walk my dog (all because he barks at other dogs). And now I can walk my dog whenever I want. Maybe to others, that doesn’t seem like a big deal. But to me it was an important accomplishment in my life and my life is that much better because of it.
Big hugs. You’ve got this!