temporal lobe epilepsy symptom?

[mylo]

im bawling as i write this, i'm aware this is just a forum but i need some help... if i need to, i won't hesitate to call the crisis hotline.

my question is, has anyone ever had anxiety and felt like they're losing their love for someone or something to the point that they become numb to it? a self fulfilling prophecy kind of thing.

i've been diagnosed with TLE and that's my only lead...

 

[Nakamova]

Hi mylo,

TLE definitely can mess with the brain in unexpected ways, causing moodiness or behavior changes. Are you on anti-seizure meds? Those can also affect our emotions and behavior. If you're "numb", it could be because you've truly lost interest in something or someone, but it could also be a sign of depression or of seizure-related damage to the temporal lobes. If you're not sure what's going on, it might be a good idea to see a therapist, particularly a neuropsychologist who can help you sort things out.

 

[BrandiBrat]

Hi Mylo and welcome to CWE! I'm sure others can address this more so than I can, but I never had any problems with anxiety or depression until I was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. I'm not sure if it's an adjustment issue for me, but like Nakamova said, it damages the temporal lobes. I'm sorry that your in so much pain My heart goes out to you and I'm glad that you found your way to the forum for support.

 

[mylo]

thanks, it's a new day and i'm still here thankfully, people were really worried about me last night.

i was taking some mexican meds as i can't afford therapy here, my doctor over there prescribed me 1500 mg/day of atemperator (another brand of valproic acid). and for anxiety i was prescribed 2 mg of victan (ethyl loflazepate, similar to valium).

but i stopped taking everything because i realized i couldn't function without the benzo, and it made my baseline anxiety worse, and the valproic acid made me dopey and want to be alone all the time, i stopped talking to everyone and would sleep for hours, the only time i somewhat socialized was at the gym during my work outs, but other than that i was even more depressed on the AED's. benzo withdrawals were a nightmare. going to my doctor today to tell him if i can get different medicines.

i've heard xanax doesn't develop cause tolerance to it's anxiolytic effects?

 

[Nakamova]

I hope you didn't stop your meds cold turkey -- doing so is very dangerous because it can cause withdrawal seizures.

Xanax is a benzodiazepine and you can develop a tolerance to it. You can also develop a dependence even after a relatively short term of use, so it needs to be taken with care -- something to discuss with your doctor. It's not considered an anti-seizure med, and won't help control symptoms (unless stress is a major seizure trigger for you).

 

[Cint]

but i stopped taking everything because i realized i couldn't function without the benzo, and it made my baseline anxiety worse, and the valproic acid made me dopey and want to be alone all the time, i stopped talking to everyone and would sleep for hours, the only time i somewhat socialized was at the gym during my work outs, but other than that i was even more depressed on the AED's. benzo withdrawals were a nightmare. going to my doctor today to tell him if i can get different medicines.

i've heard xanax doesn't develop cause tolerance to it's anxiolytic effects?

Mylo,

As Nakamova has said, having TLE can definitely mess with your brain/mind/emotions. It can even make one suicidal at times. I've been there, too. But benzos are also depressants and can make the situation worse. They are used for anxiety and IMO, it sounds like you're suffering from depression and would need an SSRI, but I'm not a dr. Some of the AED's are also used as mood stabilizers, but as you stated, only make moods worse. Going to the gym can make you feel better because exercising enhances your, serotonin, a feel good neurotransmitter.

Xanax is a benzo and could be habit-forming. Tell your dr. how you feel. Maybe he/she can send you in the right direction, even tho they're not a neuro.

 

[mylo]

thanks for all the replies, i really appreciate the support, something i did NOT receive anywhere else.

i quit the benzo cold turkey, knowing i was facing the seizure potential so i supplemented with memantine (nmda antagonist, therefore anticonvulsant and antidepressant) and i'm off everything now...

thing is, my depression comes from a fear of losing interest in things that i identify myself with, in this case it's my girlfriend of 8 months, and i'm so afraid to fall out of love with her that the panic is making it happen... so anxiety does play a big role in it, but sometimes the line between anxiety and depression gets really blurry. it's basically an overall feeling of dread saying "i'm not in love with her anymore" and it feeds in on itself.

once again, thank you so much.

 

[mylo]

I hope you didn't stop your meds cold turkey -- doing so is very dangerous because it can cause withdrawal seizures.

Xanax is a benzodiazepine and you can develop a tolerance to it. You can also develop a dependence even after a relatively short term of use, so it needs to be taken with care -- something to discuss with your doctor. It's not considered an anti-seizure med, and won't help control symptoms (unless stress is a major seizure trigger for you).

my doc firmly believes that benzo's only lose their sedative effects yet retain their anxiolytic properties, like narcotics lose their euphoric effects yet maintain their antinociceptive effects... i'd beg to differ when it came to victan though, it made my anxiety worse after 6 weeks, so bad that i became angry all the time and pushed everyone away.

i'm beginning to fear the possibility of suffering from borderline personality disorder. my doctor mentioned that it may be a possibility due to the symptoms of TLE, but i'm a year under the age to meet criteria. however i've had these symptoms of anger, changing views on self and others, and panic since i could remember, so i doubt i can "outgrow" borderline. i'm sorry i'm kind of ranting here i'm just feeling the after effects of yesterday's emotional crisis. thanks for the reply.

 

[MuayThaiFighter]

I can relate to almost everything you've said. The loss of caring, when at one point in life you found yourself so passionate about things/people. I think it is ultimately related to TLE or even just seizures in general. Do not feel alone and know that the way you feel now will get leveled out.

I've seen so many docs, tried so many drugs and I just gave up at that time. I saw a neuro psyche, which helped. I got lucky with a med and I noticed a serious drop off in the emotional stress before and after seizures.

Whatever you do, do not isolate yourself. Do not feel like you can't express your pain or emotion on this thread. If you feel that things are just way to heavy to handle you can message me and vent. I've been back and forth for almost 4 years, and im always happy to help.

Try to find something to de stress. Forget about the past and the future and just find something to distract you. I hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[mylo]

I can relate to almost everything you've said. The loss of caring, when at one point in life you found yourself so passionate about things/people. I think it is ultimately related to TLE or even just seizures in general. Do not feel alone and know that the way you feel now will get leveled out.

I've seen so many docs, tried so many drugs and I just gave up at that time. I saw a neuro psyche, which helped. I got lucky with a med and I noticed a serious drop off in the emotional stress before and after seizures.

Whatever you do, do not isolate yourself. Do not feel like you can't express your pain or emotion on this thread. If you feel that things are just way to heavy to handle you can message me and vent. I've been back and forth for almost 4 years, and im always happy to help.

Try to find something to de stress. Forget about the past and the future and just find something to distract you. I hope you start feeling better soon.

to be honest your post brought me to tears. i've been looking for at least ONE other person who's facing this EVERYWHERE, online, in real life, asked doctors about it. i was honestly contemplating I.V.'ing enough tramadol to end my life tonight, the worst part is i knew my girlfriend would lose her mind. i once expressed the idea of ending it all and she broke down into tears...

is it okay if you email me or something to talk more on this?

i feel so much relief right now...

 

[mylo]

just took my valproate a few minutes ago...

the pain is truly unbearable... after digging around online i found something i had suspected and what my doctor was apparently referring to:

"BPD rarely exists without other diagnoses. Attention Deficit Disorder is the most common. Asperger's Syndrome, temporal lobe dysfunction (Described as a "spaceyness" or "medicine head" feeling in those with BPD. In fact BPD's more severe symptoms are likely a form of temporal lobe epilepsy.), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, rejection sensitivity (along with dysthymia), Panic Disorder, and Cyclothymia are some of the many that are made in conjunction with BPD."

 

[BrandiBrat]

I understand its painful but please don't go out that way. Not only would your girlfriend be left with a terrible time recovering but your family, as well. Call a crisis line or even911.
That being said, we really do understand... Although you're in crisis right now, we've all been there at some point or another.

 

[mylo]

I understand its painful but please don't go out that way. Not only would your girlfriend be left with a terrible time recovering but your family, as well. Call a crisis line or even911.
That being said, we really do understand... Although you're in crisis right now, we've all been there at some point or another.

i'm sure people have been through worse, i just don't think i'm able to tolerate this, the multiple daily panic attacks, my baseline state is anxiety... when my girlfriend used to say something as simple as "can i tell you something" i would go into a full out panic attack, i counted 4 today... skin burning, heart pumping, hole in my chest getting bigger, etc... but with calmness between each one.. it's like it comes in waves.

regardless muaythaifighter gave me some hope, i think i'll hold on to it as long as i can.

and i don't think i could pay the hospital if i had to be hospitalized for the night. i mean, i can't even afford an american psych...

i'm not giving up yet though, i know there's an extra mile in me.

 

[BrandiBrat]

Hold on to that!!!

I remember you saying you get your meds in Mexico. I get my dental treatment there for the same reasons. My family found a really good dentist for suuuuper cheap. Sorry if I'm getting too personal, but are you in Calif?

And, I'm sorry about the anxiety. I know it blows. Tony is an awesome friend. I don't know if he's online right now or if you had a chance to private message him yet or not, but he's usually on late at night and he ALWAYS welcomes a message and will help if you need him, ok? He's a really nice guy. And if you ever want to chat with me, my messages go to my phone, so feel free to hit me up too, ok?

 

[mylo]

Hold on to that!!!

I remember you saying you get your meds in Mexico. I get my dental treatment there for the same reasons. My family found a really good dentist for suuuuper cheap. Sorry if I'm getting too personal, but are you in Calif?

And, I'm sorry about the anxiety. I know it blows. Tony is an awesome friend. I don't know if he's online right now or if you had a chance to private message him yet or not, but he's usually on late at night and he ALWAYS welcomes a message and will help if you need him, ok? He's a really nice guy. And if you ever want to chat with me, my messages go to my phone, so feel free to hit me up too, ok?

thanks actually no, i live in texas, small little border town.. and yeah not sure how much a psych is here but i got my eeg's done over there for about 180 dollars and every visit to the shrink's is about 50, unfortunately he focuses solely on pills to do the job when my personality is a wreck. :|

 

[BrandiBrat]

Ah, that sucks... Wow, good price for the EEG's though! I had a bad experience in Juarez, Mex. That's the only time I've been in that neck of the woods.

Are there any free mental health services in Tx? I live in Ca., where everything is free....gotta love the liberal states, you know? We're poor and broken as hell but we get our needs met :/

 

[mylo]

yeah, however for some reason i can't apply. not sure, i was covered up until i turned 17. and that's around the time all hell broke loose.

and yes, liberalism has its perks. i don't know that much on politics but i'd consider myself pro-socialist after seeing how mexico works (it'd be a GREAT country if it wasn't for the fact that our government is in leagues with the cartels). canada seems to be amazing as well.

 

[mylo]

"their" government* sorry, i consider myself mexican lol.

 

[RobinN]

Taking a chance that a shoe might be thrown at me....

How is your diet?

 

[mylo]

clean as of now, eat 3 square meals, all high in protein as i am a strength athlete.

i tried the ketogenic diet while i was off my meds but i fell ill on the third day due to going from eating ~3000 calories in 4-5 meals to eating 3 meals high in fat and protein.

seeing as i'm going back on my valproate i'll stick to clean eating (in my experience AED's + high calories = fatigue)