They Thought I Was Mad!!!

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Elaine H

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Just got to share this with you guys, after 25 years with TLE, and no end of ignorance and prejudice from society, I think I may have finally discovered the problem with Epilepsy and society!
I was recently out for a meal with my father, and a group of people that have known me since I was a little girl, although I haven't seen them for manyyears, they were aware of my epilepsy, my surgery, etc and have been in touch with Dad, regularly asking after me, how I was etc, anyway, last night, after many years, we all got together for a meal, and I was so looking forward to seeing them all, I was also expecting the usual questions, how are you doing, did it hurt, are you still having wobblers, has the surgery helped, are you still on tablets, you can't catch it can you, what caused it, have you got a job yet...etc etc!! I was also looking forward to arriving, as a well dressed, confident articulate intelligent woman, and shattering the myths and probably some of their expectations that I would be pushed from the back of of an ambulance in a wheelchair, snorting, foaming at the mouth, legs akimbo, screeming like a tortured banshee, eyes rolling like tumbling dice, and generally not the old Lainey they knew in nineteen hundred and fast asleep!!!!
We all said hello, got our drinks, some people I recognised, as bad as my memory is, I never ever forget a face, Dad made sure I remembered everyone, and of course, we introduced Mark, my partner to everyone too. We sat down, and the couple we sat opposite, I have known for about twenty years, kept looking at me, and spoke easily enough, but I can honestly say, that throughout the whole evening, notone person asked after my health, my epilepsy, my surgery, my general well being, please don't get me wrong folks, I wasn't expecting anyone to drop everything for me, but you can guarrantee if I'd had open heart surgery, they would have asked how I was doing, but no, because guess what, it was the brain, and you don't talk about stuff like that, because as my Dad said afterwards, people in general think epilepsy is a mental illness, and so they would all have avoided talking about it, bringing up the subject to avoid upsetting me for Chrissakes!!! I felt so awkward sitting there, it was like (for anyone reading this who knows the Fawlty Towers sketch) "Don'tmention the war!" I felt like standing on a chair and shouting "It's ok guys, it's only epilepsy!"
So, I think that is our next plan of attack, to educate the world, that epilepsy, is NOT a mental illness, but a physical disease!!
I hope that you are all ok, and that 2011 will be a good one for all of us?!

Love and best Wishes

Lainey
xxxx
 
Hi Lainey, I agree that epilepsy shouldn't be hidden away. People shouldn't be afraid to talk about it openly, in a matter-of-fact way, the same way they would talk about diabetes or asthma. I think people should feel comfortable asking about mental illness too, but as you noted, the stigma associated with "madness" is even more daunting.

When I was at the dentist the other day, the hygienist was asking about epilepsy (they know about it since it's in their records), so in between having my mouth full I told her as much as possible, trying to get in a quick lesson. One person at a time, right?
 
One person at a time, right?

You have that right. It will be one person at a time unless some big media worthy event takes place.

I am still pretty private about my own E, but do try to keep working that one person approach.
 
Hi Lainey

It is hard and uncomfortable when there is an elephant in the room. I agree that we need to educate people even if it is only one person at a time. It is a physical illness, but alot of people think that brain=mental. Best Wishes
steph
 
Ah people. Most people are always asking how I'm doing I no longer tell them how long I've been seizure free just that I'm doing great. Anyone who knows me knows everything about my surgery I have a rather big and very open mouth. I almost have bragged about what I've been through and educate anyone who gets stuck near me. But funny enough my own mother has never asked me outright anything about my surgery. We've been estranged the past two years but have spoken a few times recently but never really talked about what I've been through. Some people just suck I guess.
 
Oh, big hug! I am estranged from a brother for many reasons and probably will remain this way. If only people were like dogs and only thought of others and studied the ones they loved so much that they sense our feelings, moods and actions. What we as humans can learn from our own dogs. I do not believe any of my family members have even put epilepsy in a search engine! I met someone I have fallen in love with that learned as much as he could the day I mentioned my illness. I must agree that people do suck sometimes. If these arrogant fools would think of others and be there for them, they might realize how great a feeling it is to help others.
 
throughout the whole evening, notone person asked after my health, my epilepsy, my surgery, my general well being, please don't get me wrong folks, I wasn't expecting anyone to drop everything for me, but you can guarrantee if I'd had open heart surgery, they would have asked how I was doing, but no, because guess what, it was the brain, and you don't talk about stuff like that, because as my Dad said afterwards, people in general think epilepsy is a mental illness, and so they would all have avoided talking about it, bringing up the subject to avoid upsetting me for Chrissakes!!! I felt so awkward sitting there, it was like (for anyone reading this who knows the Fawlty Towers sketch) "Don'tmention the war!" I felt like standing on a chair and shouting "It's ok guys, it's only epilepsy!"

First of all, LOVE the Fawlty Tower reference!

Oh, how I can relate! With my family, I always thought it was because we are so emotionally repressed:rolleyes:, but I think you're right; if I were dealing with something less "weird", they would be at least a little more open.

It's amazing how skillful my family is (are, for you Brits:)) at avoiding talking about what I've been through. Like you, I don't expect them to drop everything for me, but a, "how are you really doing?"- not just a general inquiry-would be nice. I know my family loves me, but I sometimes feel that secretly they think I'm just a hypochondriac, drama queen, or something. None of my doctors think that.

Best wishes to you, too!


@Matchu:
Amen about dogs!!!
 
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My sister and her children (my neices) are downright strange about it. My sister thinks I'm crazy. That I can have some compassion for. But my neice who has done epilepsy (lab) research on rats doesn't understand. She thinks she pretty much knows everything, but is so misinformed. When I try to gently educate her on things she just shuts her mind down and thinks she's right. For example, she thinks everyone is side-effect free on Lamictal, and it has no cognitive effects on anyone. Also she's never heard of most of the types of seizures with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. When I tried to talk to this young woman, who is in medical school, about T.L.E. seizures, she looked at me like I was a martian.

Did either of them even google Temporal Lobe Epilepsy? Absolutely not. But they did google recipies for red velvet cake for christmas, and spent about an hour each reseraching the best one.

I'm just tired. Or tired of it. Or tired of epilepsy.

The new studies say 1 in 24 people will have seizures some time in their lives. If one out of 24 people has a seizure disorder, and each of those people showed up for a speak-out rally in their city, it would be a tidal wave of people that would hit every news channel out there. Ignoring or being ignorant about epilepsy would no longer be an option. They'd see that there are too many of us.

Same principle: If 34 million people in the U.S. & Europe who have a seizure disorder (approx 4% of the population) jumped up and down at the same time, wouldn't it knock the earth off it's axis? If the 275 million people around the world with epilepsy jumped at the same time, would it shake the world apart? Okay, maybe it wouldn't. But it would get a heck of a lot of publicity.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Jump_Day

If I jump alone, does anyone hear me? Maybe one. But we need the world to shake. We need to figure out a way to do it.
 
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What if we all had seizures at once? We might knock something off-axis...
 
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

:roflmao:

That's the way, Nak!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time!
 
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... the day I mentioned my illness. ...

I consider epilepsy a condition and not an illness. The distinction may be subtle, but I think it is significant.
 
Yes we must all come to love the way that our friends and families always have the perfect medical advice, and any other kind of advice you can think of, for us once you mention epilepsy and depression. I use to have this filter between my brain and my mouth where my family and friends were concerned. The greatest lesson in life I have ever learned is to remove that filter when their motivations for giving me advice is not what is in my best interest, lets say, they are just trying to play God in my life. I once had to ask my father why he was hell bent on me following his advice on how to snap out of depression when in my eyes his depression was far worse than mine, and came from the way he treated the people close to him where as mine was from an underlying medical condition. He has told me many times I am crazy, I have always told him, you may be right, but it does not change the fact that we are here today dealing with things we are. I seek only the things that improve my health, mentaly and physically. He don't try to fix me no more these days.
 
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