Thinking/Worrying/Paranoia

Itr786

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I just wanted to see if anyone's able to offer up any advice with how my minds functioning, and what I can do.

Alittle background, I had temporal lobectomy surgery 2.5 years ago and I've not had a seizure since.

I'm in a position where whatever I say, whatever I do, whatever someone says to me, it circulates around in my head, from getting up in the morning to going to sleep.
I blow things up out of proportion, what was said, how it was said, what they thought I meant by what I said (was it taken out of context), what was the motive behind what they said to me etc etc... the worrying/paranoia is RELENTLESS.

WHATEVER happens, it's like an uncontrollable snowball rolling down a hill to a point it makes no sense. Most of the time I reach conclusions that end up completely illogical.
A small incident gets linked up to EVERY imaginable consequence/scenario.

An example from today that my mind won't stop thinking about as I write this...

I'm at work, I'm working, and working HARD. (manual labouring job/assembly work)
I see someone I know walk past, and I jokingly ask "I've not made any mistake today have I"....
He replies back "not today" (in a joking manner).

I then realise there was a manager standing not far behind me and (probably) overheard what was said.

I carried on as normal, no sudden reaction as I was busy at work.
Afew hours later, I'm at home and BOOM, something shocks me and the worrying hits me like a ton of bricks. I take myself back, recreate what happened, but from the perspective of my manager (who I don't talk to very much), and what he was thinking after what I'd said...

1) He (me) ALWAYS makes mistakes at work.
2) He messes about, and doesn't care about mistakes he makes.
3) Everything he's been saying recently about going to therapy is lie (I'm have therapy for CBT, and another rehab programme),
4) There's nothing wrong with him,
5) We need to start building up reasons to sack him.

That will just PERMANENTLY circulate until something else comes along.

I can't function, I'm unable to do anything, I'm unable to listen to what anyone is saying as I'm permanently occupied with thinking about this incident. I'm literally in my own world.

It's taken up all parts of my mind. I can't do anything for more than a second before WANTING to be left alone and carrying on thinking/worrying.

Because of this, I try my upmost to avoid ANY communication with anyone so I don't run the risk of the above happening, but I'll depress myself stuck in a house/room without any communication with anyone.

It's really taking its toll, and I'm really struggling to cope with this.
 

Porkette

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Hi Itr786,

What you may want to do is see a neuropsychiatrist to do some testing on you. If I may ask did you have a right temporal lobectomy, if you did it's the right temporal lobe that handles all the emotions. This is the surgery I had done and I noticed I became more upset a lot easier after the surgery (but some of it was do to my parents getting a divorce.)
Do you keep yourself busy or do you have a lot of time on your hands to think about things? I found that keeping myself busy didn't give me the time to think about anything negative and I also found out I need to communicate with others because if I keep concerns or problems bottled up inside of me it will eat at me until I explode. Take my word you need to get out there and spend time with family and friends do things that you enjoy and be positive. I still have seizures after my surgery but I knew the surgery was only going to reduce my seizures. Also if you like music turn on some music and listen to it that calms the nerves down. The key is to keep busy and communicate with others don't worry about anything your fine. I wish you the best of luck and May God Bless You!

Sue
 

Itr786

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Hi,
Yes it was a right temporal lobectomy. After seeing my neurosurgeon, I will see my GP once a report comes back from the surgeon, and ask if a neuropsychiatrist would be an option. I'm SURE the surgeon did suggest one
 

Porkette

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Hi Itr786,

I had to see a neuropsychiatrist both before and after I right temporal lobectomy. My neurosurgeon told me the surgery could change my personality and I found I had more of a sense of humor after surgery, I think a lot of it was the stress of the seizures before surgery. I wish you the best of luck with your Dr. and as I mentioned try and keep busy.
Wishing you only the best of luck and May God Bless You!

Sue
 

Nakamova

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I agree with Sue -- a therapist can help deal with the paranoia and anxiety that are side effects of the surgery. And they are definitely related to the surgery.
 
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