Through the eyes of my seizures..........


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This is just for others to read so you can get a sense of what it is to feel and see seizures from my point of view.....

History first..
I fell down a flight of stairs at age 4 and struck my head on a concrete floor. I had 3 or 4 grand mal seizures within 24hrs and then got better.

Age 4 until age 36

I experience several instances of everything feeling unfamiliar (jamais-vu) and many more instances of everything (and I mean everything) seeming as though it had all precisely happened like that before(deja-vu). It was something I grew up with and never thought to mention it to anyone. And it varied from rare occasion to a day filled with that feeling.I really thought everyone else felt it too so it was not a big deal it was life.

Seizures begin at age 36

I was standing at work talking to someone and the next thing I know I hear someone saying that everything will be okay and I am on the floor with a coat under my head. I am asked by a paramedic if I can get up and as I try I just cannot even sit up without falling to the floor. I am physically too weak all over like I used all my muscles to the point they are like rubber. The paramedics helped me to the stretcher and I can barely walk with help (I am not sure I actually walked). It was November and the O2 was cold and not helping the nausea. The ride was a blur thanks to arguing with a paramedic over the O2. I sat in a hospital bed in an ER completely lost with no one around and no clue as to what happened. All that kept me calm was knowing my coworkers had called my wife and I felt like I had been run over. The doctor told me I had a seizure and it was a grand mal type. My wife showed and was flat out stunned by how out of it I was. The doctor got her settled by telling us to make an appointment with a neurologist and gave her a little more information but to this day it is still a blur.
In the ER I had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom before they would discharge me and when I got up it was crazy. I could not walk without help but was had enough strength to stand on my own. My muscles were cramping up, it hurt but I wanted to leave. Thankfully I was given a pain med so I could kind of walk to the bathroom with assistance for the next 3 days. What happened in those 3 days are just nothing but pieces in my memory of pain and help from my wife. We did get to the Neurologist on the 3rd day but we had to pull strings to make that happen. There I was given the bad news about not being able to drive for awhile and the hope that maybe it was a one time event or that all the tests I was going to go through would give us an answer.
I really had no information or anything to say. I was completely speechless and stunned by the entire experience at that time. I spent my energy focusing on getting better and getting back to work. I had a boss that allowed some work from home and I got a ride to work the other days. Back at work everyone was acting odd. Some wanted to talk about it and learn all the mysteries and others wanted to spout off what they know including the guy saying he wish he had been there to shove a wallet in my mouth or how disappointed he really been if he had missed me soiling myself. That gave incredible insight to several people. Eventually people went back to normal and I got to drive again.
After the tests came back negative I just went on as normal hoping it was a one time event but still the whole time not knowing about the deja-vu issues I was having. Then 6 months later the wife and I are watch a show on the dvr and as it came to and end she was going to the kitchen to make popcorn as I lay on the couch. She turned the corner and took three steps and put her had on the fridge door and for her there was a noise of me screaming (more or less). I remember her turning the corner but then I was fighting to get off the couch 20 minutes later with her telling me I had a seizure. I was nauseous, severely fatigued, and emotionless. She convinced me to go to the ER and I am not sure how I got to the car (it is not that I have a bad memory but it is a missing memory) . The ER tested me for everything including cocaine and heroin. I went home really lost and confused as ever plus I was not looking forward to the pain of doing anything for 3 days. I questioned the Neurologist on checking for cocaine and heroin and he said "those are easier to fix then Epilepsy which is what you have". All I could think was this really stinks as he gave me a prescription and told me about Keppra.

Both grand mal's were the same. I remember the moment before and then the person telling me it is okay or I had a seizure. The nausea, the total fatigue, and the big I don't know look on my face and in my head are all the same. I act like a boxer that has been put down for the count and keeps trying to get up but can't. The fight has taken it all out of the boxer but the instinct to get up is still going strong. I take the orders I am given by people until the fog lifts. I lose memory of the next 4 days so we go to a movie and the week after I have no clue I ever saw the film...

There are more seizures entries coming soon and I hope this helps somebody and if not I at least got to think through those first 2 seizures....