TL and G-d: After surgery exp.

[KelVarQ]

I can't believe I'm actually going to post it, but after reading some of the threads about Temp. Lobe and all the spiritual stuff that happens to some people I figured I would post this and why I always say it's neurological and not spiritual. This was actually written to my ex college prof. (a good friend today and I took philosophy and religious classes with him). This was a couple weeks after having RTL surgery and I woke up rhyming, which lasted about a week and actually started to scare the daylights out of me as you'll see in this e-mail. It's not all rhyming, but you'll notice it. NOTE: I was on Kep and Lamictal (Recently tried Kep had a spiritual moment...thought G-d saw me through the clouds and Lam. for me = insomnia - Those 2 mixed for me = Insanity!)

The subject was titled: Please Help Me.

I need your help I have something to say and you're the only one I can trust. I can't explain what happened to me so please read it down below and please don't think I'm nuts. This is a long weird e-mail and I'm going to cut and paste it below and I'm ending this short note right now before it continues to go. Skip DOWN BELOW AND YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN you'll soon find out that I seem to be speaking poetically.


Dear Prof. -,

I’m walking around not knowing what to do my body is weak and I need some sleep. My head feels like it wants to pop and I can’t seem to make it all stop. My mind just keeps on racing and my body just keeps on pacing. I don’t know what to do so I thought to write to you. I trust in G-d and I know you do too and I think that’s why I’m writing to you so maybe it’s you who can help figure this out. I know this may sound crazy, but I’m beginning to believe that G-d is speaking through me. I don’t have any physical pain but I’m starting to feel like I’m going insane. I prayed to G-d to help me sleep and I’m afraid to say that I want this to stay, but I just can’t take it any more today and I know that I don’t want it to all go away. I know that there is something happening to me and I wish that I could figure it out. I know this may sound crazy and my body is so lazy but I can’t seem to get any sleep. So, I guess I’ll continue to write and go with the flow in order to see what happens to me.

I know you don’t know much about me, but please don’t think I’m crazy since it is you that I decided to write this too. I guess that I’m hoping that you know something about this since I don’t have a clue and believe it or not it’s all truly new. All my words rhyme so smoothly but I’ve never written or spoken like this before. Have you ever heard of this or has this ever happened to you?
Prof. -, I need your help please pray for me and wish me well. I know this may sound scary, but I know that it is not since I think it’s G-d who’s telling me to yell, scream, and shout so I could get this all out. I thought about the elephant man who’s head was way too heavy. I thank G-d that mine is not, but I can’t help to wonder if it was driving him crazy. I want to get some sleep, so tomorrow I can get on my feet. I need to find a place to lie down but I can’t seem to stop floating around.

Before I go I want you to know that I saw the last e-mail you sent me. But, before I respond I need to read it again since I have some questions for you. I read about your Sabbath and it sounds like it was fun and I can wait to sit down and respond. You had a nap I’m so happy for you and the way you described it (the delicious nap you said) helped make it sound like so much more fun. I wish my mind would stop thinking and body stop pacing around so that I could have some fun today while napping all around. I want to lie down and not hear a sound.
When I started to pray I didn’t know what to say and found myself afraid to say, “G-d please stop all this mental activity” but I can’t believe these are words that are coming out from me. My mom and I have been laughing at me because all my words are coming so smoothly and they seem to be flowing without me even knowing.
It feels like my head is up in the sky and I think I’m hitting that “Peak” again since I’m finally able to see. I’m beginning to think that it was during surgery when I found G-d inside of me. I know he continues to stay with me and I think it is He who is speaking to me. Please send me again the Moses short prayer the one that he asked to heal her. I believe that’s the one that’s helping me feel and also the one that will help me to heal.

Prof. -, thank you so much because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have known what to do. I believe when I prayed to sleep peacefully it was G-d who told me to write to you and said it was O.K. to trust you. I think that I’m right because by writing to you I’m finally mellowing out. I can’t believe it I think I’m done and I may now be able to sleep peacefully. I don’t know if I should send this to you since I don’t want you to think I’m a fool. I promise I’m not! I haven’t been able to sleep lately so I think right now my mind is shot! Please forgive me but I’m going to send this to you since I already wrote it and it’s made out to you. I’m going to go since I think I can finally sleep today. Thank you so much for helping me out by letting me get this all out.

Prof. - I’m trusting you so please don’t forget to pray for me and I’ll will not forget to say Thank You. Please help me to know that this is not me and that it’s only because of the surgery and please don’t think I’m going crazy. I truly am afraid for my brain so please help me know that I’m not going insane. I know I should go but I just can’t seem to make it all stop. I’m going to stop it anyway and pray to G-d for sleep today and also to forgive me. I know that I’m not going mad, but if this is really G-d who is speaking to me and I want it to stop do you think I’ll make Him mad or sad? Please tell me so because I need to know because I don’t want to make Him mad or sad and I know you know because He told me so when he said that I should write you. I’m going to check my e-mail today and I’ll pray to G-d you get this today.

 

[Meetz1064]

Wow, KelvarQ!

That's some serious writing there!!

Tell me, what did your professor friend have to say about this email?? I really am curious....

 

[KelVarQ]

Prof. Response

Dear Kelley,

I'm glad you wrote me. I don't think you are crazy, you just have turned into Dr. Suess, his books rhyme a lot. You had serious brain surgery and new connections are probably being made and areas of your brain may be stimulated for the first time. You also sound sleep deprived, which may also be a result of the surgery. Sleep deprivation is used as torture and can lead to hallucinations.

However, you should definitely speak with your Dr. Or fax him, or email him, sometimes that gets a quicker response. As I am not a medical Dr., you must make sure that nothing has gone wrong from the surgery. Sometimes, what seems mental or spiritual is simply chemical/neurological. Remember the book I had suggested for you to read. Oliver Sack’ book: “The man who miss took his wife for a hat”. It’s just like those cases where people think it could be spiritual. You read the book so think about those cases. Or people who think they see G-d on LSD. I don't think G-d would be angry or sad if you got some rest and stopped what's happening. As long as your Dr. is aware of what's happening and you are in no danger, enjoy the new brain experience. If it's frightening and you think you are in any danger tell your mother and make sure she watches you. Don't label it or judge it, experience it. What happens inside of our brains is a mystery and beyond logic. But that does not mean that what you are experiencing, is real outside of your brain.

Please make sure that you tell your Dr. I believe he will allay your fears. The prayer of Moses was: G-d please heal her, please! Please keep me posted.

 

[Cint]

KelVarQ,
I've heard of many people with TLE who've experienced those type things, but I've never experienced it. Have you seen any of Dr. Ramachandran's videos on the subject?

 

[KelVarQ]

Hi Cindy

I watched the video, thanks for sharing, and I recall watching a show on T.V. maybe last year (maybe Barbara Walters Special?) about G-d on the brain. It's really interesting stuff and the question, "Does G-d exist or did we create G-d (brain)?" I don't know, but I "choose" to believe in G-d but I don't want to see him, talk to him (unless I'm merely praying), him talk through me or anything that even resembles insanity. To be honest insanity scares me and when I wrote that e-mail to my professor I was truly petrified. This is NOT to say that those with TLE that have these things happen to them are insane, but I think we have to worry when we actually start to really truly believe our hallucinations (of course that's just my personal opinion). I like the example my prof used about people taking LSD and thinking they see G-d or that they could fly. Obviously that's chemically induced. I would just prefer G-d to answer my prayers and get rid of this E onder: Actually I'm really not all that religious and was not raised with a strict religious background. It wasn't until E did I take an interest in religion, but really just learning about ALL the different ones.

 

[jimijimenez]

I am an atheist, but was diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy because I began having Near Death "white golden light of god" experiences. I would fall unconscious, and think I had died and was in heaven, that the universe was conscious with "god" teaching me "the meaning of life", and feel a sense of eternity and intense euphoria. At the end of the seizure I would feel 2 distinct "consciousness'es" (so rare its incorrect grammatically as a plural!) and come around but be unable to speak. Another time mohammed appeared before me, on behalf of jesus and moses, on behalf of god to teach me "the meaning of life", on the most beautiful beach, I struggled to exclaim this revelation and on becoming conscious I said "golf"!.(yes the game I dont even play but the only word I could say).
These are very difficult experiences to reconcile with the everyday, as "real life" seems but a dream in comparison to these heightened states.
As a theist you can argue that there must be some neurological correlate with experiencing god, and perhaps this is related to electrical activity in the temporal lobes and hence also seizures, thus you are connecting with the real "god".
I feel for you and know first hand how disturbing these experiences can be.
But you will find your cognition stays intact, (unlike schizophrenia for example) just try and focus on the everyday.
I too have had the rhyming problem, Instrumental music can help as can listening to "pink noise", it will pass soon, remember it always passes.
If that fails maybe a rap career!?