[MAD] trust and support system

[acpollard2010]

My family hates my wife cause we had some problems so they thought they should get involved great!This is how this is worked out none of my family would help for 2 weeks til we move out of state cause t6here mad and think they could take care of me all they have done is stressed me out and i have had on average 15-20 seizures a day and at least 1 drop on the concrete in the heat.all my mom says when im wakin up is get up son.really u guys told her to back off wonder why im leaving.do i have any reason to be upset or just let them do what they do be mean like my sisters have been my whole life none have been a support system.

 

[Silat]

I would say don't worry about them and focus on your family.... IE your wife and you, and your daily life together. If they're not going to support you, you can't force them to. And if they want to control your life, and you don't want them in control, you have the choice to stop them.

As far as your problems with you and your wife, I'd say from now on, if the rest of your family isn't a support system, don't get them involved at all in those types of things. I don't speak to a good chunk of my family because, rather than be supportive or at least understanding of how I have to adapt my life to my E, they've decided their route is to become judgmental and tell me I'm not good enough. I can't change their minds, but I don't have to involve them in my life either... It's kind of a harsh thing to do/say, but it really makes the point.

If they're stress factors, and stress is a trigger for you, it may be harsh but you should consider your own personal health over their feelings.... that's my opinion anyway. You don't have to lay down and just accept things how they are, you have every right and it's within your ability to change things.

I'd also recommend looking for any support groups in your area... are there any E support groups / meetings around where you live?

 

[Nakamova]

Our "families" are the folks we can rely on to give us love and support, as well as to push us and keep us real. If your blood family doesn't fit the bill, and is making things worse, it may be time to move on.

 

[acpollard2010]

i told my mom though and i have always thought i could confide in her that's obviously not the case.and thank you for the aqdvice im moving out of state so when i get to oregon i will check that out and i do need to worry about us i have been worried about what they think is how i got in the mess in the first place.

 

[julie wishes]

It sounds like (with limited info) that they want control, but don't handle the control very well. It doesn't sound like they are very "nice" to you either, and that is unacceptable.

It is common for a family to react to a significant other that way once you have included them into your problems. Friends do the same thing as well. Better to leave them out of it. But, now that it has happened, maybe you can sit them down and say, this is the way it is... "We have patched things up and it would make me the happiest man alive if the people I love could all get along. If not, at least be cordial, if you really don't like her, and above all else, keep your opinions to yourself regarding her."

Now, on another note. I would say its probably likely that they are not happy that you are moving,and I'm sure that worries them a bit. I'm not sure how to battle that one, except to say, that you must do whats right for you. Assure them you have thought this through, and have worked out all the kinks. In my experience, sometimes family knows us best, and they actually do have valid points. I'm not sure that is the case in your situation.

One thing is for sure. Research neurologists in your new area before you go and get an appointment set before you leave. This way as soon as you get there, you can establish care right away, so you don't have any issues or lapses in care in case somehting happens.

Good luck

 

[acpollard2010]

nak i have never understood since i was 15 and diagnosed why they really didn't care it was like brother has got a disease let's stay away unless we need something.my mom didnt even see one until i was 25 cause she refused to be in a room with me when i felt seizury.my family im starting to realize is my nephew and my wife it's sad but if i ever want to be seizure free thats the way it has to be.

 

[acpollard2010]

julie i tried those things my mom is worried but for wrong reasons no trust in us i got like and months ago i scheduled apointment with a epileptologists in portlaND AND a neuro psych as well cause my dr. once one along with a eye dr to get glasses part of my E dr says i got like 200 vision in my left eye.ugh

 

[Eli]

Sorry you're having to deal with that crap. We often expect our families to be our biggest supporters, cause its a bloodline??????

My husband and I divorced - when the E surfaced, pre-E diagnosis and we didn't know what was happening to me, andddddd a huge factor - we both let our families interfere.

But in the end, even while divorced, he was the one that checked on me, found me on the floor bleeding after a bad t/c fall and took me to live with him, NOT MY FAMILY. (That was a several year time frame.)

He's the one I know I can depend on. So I would say...look around, see who your real supporters are an stick with them. Look around and see who is selfishly causing you stress and runnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

It may make you feel like you're being selfish or wrong but in the end you have to put your health first. Too often others don't realize how they are negatively affecting you.

They are usually looking out for themselves first anyways.

IE - The other year I was working and renting a room from a relative during my divorce. I had a triple t/c with a fall at work. They picked me up from the hospital (complaining) and the next day, while I was still on drs ordered bedrest told me to pack my stuff and move out. I recently nicely asked why they did that (I had to sleep in my car til I found a place to live and I lost that job). Their reply was...I was an inconvenience to them! :flushed: At least they were honest but it was a huge reality check. And I will remember that! LOL even though I forget alot cause of the E.

 

[julie wishes]

nak i have never understood since i was 15 and diagnosed why they really didn't care it was like brother has got a disease let's stay away unless we need something.my mom didnt even see one until i was 25 cause she refused to be in a room with me when i felt seizury.my family im starting to realize is my nephew and my wife it's sad but if i ever want to be seizure free thats the way it has to be.

This is so sad. Im sorry but it sounds like your mom could just never handle it. Try to forgive her for that and move on. I agree with the last post... stick with the ones who help you... not make it worse. That toilet flush is funny. Im glad you have it all handled. Your mom will see in time that you are okay. Let us know his the move goes.:banana:

 

[julie wishes]

Sorry you're having to deal with that crap. We often expect our families to be our biggest supporters, cause its a bloodline??????

My husband and I divorced - when the E surfaced, pre-E diagnosis and we didn't know what was happening to me, andddddd a huge factor - we both let our families interfere.

But in the end, even while divorced, he was the one that checked on me, found me on the floor bleeding after a bad t/c fall and took me to live with him, NOT MY FAMILY. (That was a several year time frame.)

He's the one I know I can depend on. So I would say...look around, see who your real supporters are an stick with them. Look around and see who is selfishly causing you stress and runnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

It may make you feel like you're being selfish or wrong but in the end you have to put your health first. Too often others don't realize how they are negatively affecting you.

They are usually looking out for themselves first anyways.

IE - The other year I was working and renting a room from a relative during my divorce. I had a triple t/c with a fall at work. They picked me up from the hospital (complaining) and the next day, while I was still on drs ordered bedrest told me to pack my stuff and move out. I recently nicely asked why they did that (I had to sleep in my car til I found a place to live and I lost that job). Their reply was...I was an inconvenience to them! :flushed: At least they were honest but it was a huge reality check. And I will remember that! LOL even though I forget alot cause of the E.

Eli... what strength you have. Forged ahead despite the odds. And you do have a good friend in your ex.

 

[acpollard2010]

Mine wont even be honest and tell me its too hard or I dont know how to react inatead unless my wife or nephew is there very likely to get really hurt or go into status and nobody would know wat to do im very glad I have u guys