Renee, as you implied, life is precious. All you can do is take this one day at a time. And, really, really try to live your life in the present time. In other words, worrying about tomorrow or being sorry about what happened in the past will prevent you from coping with today. I did not make this up. I took courses on positive thinking several times to hear the reinforcement and try practicing it.
You're obviously very smart and musically talented. I love music myself as a means to cope with this condition. I need to play music that distracts me from negative issues. And, I also take a two mile walk every day to get rid of the adrenaline when I'm frustrated.
There's also a theory that if you smile a lot, you can fool your body into thinking there is no stress. Look up Laughter Yoga. I'm not making this one up. They really practice this stuff. It's amazing how the body/mind connection works.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Please try to practice stress management. Deep breathing, exercising, getting away from a stressful piece of music since it might be frustrating to write, walking away from a bad situation....whatever works for you.
I personally am a dog lover. My dog is my best friend, companion and seems to have an incredible understanding of my personality.
Is there any way for you to provide musical lessons? When I grew up, my parents had little money, but they gave us music lessons. My piano teacher did not have an official degree, but he REALLY knew his stuff. We went through all types of music with his personal favorite being Brahms. He taught me how to do musical analysis which helped me in several college courses. I would imagine you could be just like him and equally as good. I'll never forget his great lessons in music, piano, theory, and whatever we were reviewing at the time. He did not hold official recitals, but that was OK. He was a great role model.
As you recall, my sister is a professional musician now as well. She did private lessons at local schools during after school hours or during her students' study halls. I honestly do not know if parents paid her or if the schools paid her. She now has a great job in a major symphony. It's also not always what you know, but also who you know. That was her path to success.