Worried about suicidal thoughts - I may be over reacting

[zombelina]

Hi Zara-Newman, how have things been going the last few days?

 

[HorseMom]

Anytime suicidal thoughts arise it is good to talk about them with your support network and to take them seriously. I think everyone living with chronic disease or chronic pain has atleast had a passing thought of it one time or another. Many antidepressants and anti epileptics carry "suicidal thoughts" as side effects. Try making an appointment with your doctor to discuss and see you may need your meds changed. Also try a journal that you can put 1 thing everyday in that you're thankful for as well as how you're feeling that day. I've noticed I get deeply irritable and angry before I have seizures and the journal helped me tie those in together. Best wishes to you

 

[zombelina]

Just wanted to reach out again and make sure everything is ok!

 

[Zara-Newman]

Hi, sorry I stopped getting notifications through for my app, my phone has gone through a funny few weeks since it updated itself - it is just not working well.

Honestly I am feeling really low, I think that a lot of stuff is happening and it is just bad timing with the medication changes, because I've been having more seizures I have been really on edge all the time and not getting out much.

I was meant to be going out on Thursday, I was really looking forward to it, but now all the plans have been changed and I don't feel comfortable going anymore.

I don't really feel like I can explain to my friend exactly why I don't want to go, because I know it is petty, but I know the stress will make me ill and I don't want to deal with it.

I feel like a that complaining so much, I am never like this, I am usually so upbeat and never talk about my feelings. I hate this.

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[Zara-Newman]

I did speak to the nurse though, and she said that the medication does sometimes have side effects that last a few weeks, but often stop once your used to the tablets.
So I am waiting it out with my family keeping a close eye and my mum in charge of my medication, which is ironic since I am meant to be her carer.

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[zombelina]

I'm glad you have your family keeping an eye on you. I got worried because I was thinking of my own personal experience and hoping you weren't going through the same thing.

For me, the psychiatric side effects of zonisamide were progressive (they got worse over time until I finally got off it almost 2 years later). I got off it a little over 14 months ago, and slowly but surely I became myself again. Every day I am grateful that I was able to stop it. I really hope your side effects get better over time, and I think it's definitely possible that they will! But maybe set a time limit to how long you want to wait out the side effects and see if they go away. Don't wait as long as I did .

 

[Zara-Newman]

I am still not on the desired dose, I have another 25mg to go up morning and night.
Then I will leave it a few months and see how I am, it is sad, because I feel much better - headaches are gone, mostly for the first time since I remember.
My skin has cleared up and my vision is better.

I always feel like I am attention seeking when I talk about it, so I don't like to speak to my friends about it.
I have always been one for keeping g things to myself.

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[seagull]

I think we all have thoughts that wander off to unknown places one thought kicks off something else in fact I got thought process going on and I going start thread about it when I finish this..
We take Meds that have direct input with brain our moods are physical I myself lose it over something trivial upsetting myself and everyone else and then it evaporates and I wonder why..It all very physical thing.It taken me many years to come to this conclusion and. It only from talking to others on here that I been able make sense of human brain.
I assuming you young therefore you should see someone and address it ,an expert hopefully give advice...I certainly not equip to tell you anything but I have notice since cutting lamtogine down I not losing it with everyone but same time I stopped doing everything I just not be bothered even have wash and that just not me

 

[Zara-Newman]

I am 23, my lamotrogine has always been fine for me, it is this new zonisamide that I think has started it.

I am not being upset over trivial things, it is more like not dealing with things the way I normally do.

For example I look after my mother, who is terminal, and I have family members who are very unpleasant to me.
Where I normally get on with things and try and stay positive - I don't seem to be able to get on with it, or be positive about anything.

Throw in issues with friends and I get really low sometimes.

But it isn't small things that is getting me down.
I don't know if I am explaining it right.

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[acshuman]

Test Your Family Members!

Zara,
You say that your family members treat you very poorly even though you are the person caring for your mother. If they think that they are so much better than you they need to be shown that they have a very warped idea of what is good and what is NOT good. You could do this very easily by telling them one thing. Tell them that you can no longer care for you mother because of the way they have been treating you and they are going to have to figure out how to provide the care your mother needs(this would be false). You would see their faces suddenly get the look of people who had just been told that they were going to die in 1 hour. They would show that they have been using you while you care for your mother by saying something about how they couldn't do that because they were too busy and what they were doing was more important than your mother's care! They would try to get you to change your mind by offering to do anything that they possibly could. It wouldn't be surprising to hear some of them say something like 'I'll stop treating you like I have been, if you continue to care for her'. This would show you that they have been treating you the way they have because they see you as a person that they can get to do something that they don't want to do. :twocents:

ACsHUman

 

[Zara-Newman]

The tight knit section of the family consists of my nan, my mum and my sister.
It is my uncles and my cousin that I have problems with.
I have cut contact with an auntie who told me to "choke on my tongue and die"

My uncles and cousin wouldn't be effected by my mother's care, they would probably just say it was my problem, they kind of sway in and out of our lives being unpleasant and bringing me down.

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[Zara-Newman]

God, now I am just whining! Haha!
Thankyou for your messages everyone, let's just hope things cheer up and my side effects get better! If it isn't changing in three months I will be making a proper appointment.

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[zombelina]

I don't think you're whining at all! You never know when someone in a similar position will read this, and reading about your experience will help them feel better .