Well i'm starting to realise for the first time in my life that I just can have anything I want just because I want it or because I figure that I can work my butt off to get it. Sounds stupid I know but I was diagnosed with epilepsy as a child, I had my first seizure at 14months old and I fought and clawed my way through life up until now proving that everyone else was wrong. I was identified in primary school as borderline IM (mild intellectual disability) and so many people including my own family did not expect me to finish school. I definitely took everyone by suprise when I did not only that but ended up completing a Bachelors degree in Special Education.
I am not coping in my job - I just can't do it and I feel so horrible. I have so much on my plate - I have my family to look after, meetings for school with parents and other professionals. I'm on a professional improvement plan to try to help me with issues but I just don't see it working out. I'm not thinking of dropping out of teaching altogether but special ed is just too much hassle and it's really sad because it's my passion. It's been my passion to work with these kids since I was in school myself. It's in my nature in some way to fight and claw and to try to prove they are all wrong but I can't put in the hours they want or need me to. It doesn't matter if i'm up to all hours of the night/morning (which in some cases, and to my detriment I am) and the teacher next door puts in half as much effort - if she/he is doing a job 10 times better then they aren't going to want me and i'm just doing a disservice to these kids. That's not what I want.
My principal knows about my epilepsy but I don't like talking about it too much in relation to my job because I don't like using it as an excuse. My husband doesn't even know about all this because I don't want to dissapoint him - I want him to think that i'm capable of accomplishing my dreams and that I can actually hold down a professional job.
I am not coping in my job - I just can't do it and I feel so horrible. I have so much on my plate - I have my family to look after, meetings for school with parents and other professionals. I'm on a professional improvement plan to try to help me with issues but I just don't see it working out. I'm not thinking of dropping out of teaching altogether but special ed is just too much hassle and it's really sad because it's my passion. It's been my passion to work with these kids since I was in school myself. It's in my nature in some way to fight and claw and to try to prove they are all wrong but I can't put in the hours they want or need me to. It doesn't matter if i'm up to all hours of the night/morning (which in some cases, and to my detriment I am) and the teacher next door puts in half as much effort - if she/he is doing a job 10 times better then they aren't going to want me and i'm just doing a disservice to these kids. That's not what I want.
My principal knows about my epilepsy but I don't like talking about it too much in relation to my job because I don't like using it as an excuse. My husband doesn't even know about all this because I don't want to dissapoint him - I want him to think that i'm capable of accomplishing my dreams and that I can actually hold down a professional job.