annoyed with everything

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Abynorml

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so my injury to my head has probably aggravated my nocturnal seizures, I have to go to the neurologist tomorrow, but only his nurse is available and the workers comp nurse who is helping me manage all my doctor visits and stuff wants to come along to the appointment, so I have to talk about the fact Im waking up wet often lately and wear diapers to keep me from ruining my bed, I was doing great since they added Klonopin to my meds last year and was waking up dry till a month or two after the injury I started having problems again, its easy to manage but embarassing as all heck to say I wear a diaper to bed, even in front of a nurse, and Im tired of doctors and this whole ordeal, spent friday getting jabbed in the eye by an idiot neuro ophatalmolgist who had no clue I was pretty much blind in my right eye, I said it hurts when he jammed his finger in my eye to open up my eyelids, he thought I was complaining about the bright light he was shining in my eye that I didnt even see, was a total jerk and hes the only neuro eye doctor in the state, he ordered an eeg type test to measure my eye response, to be done possibly at the hospital I hate and have fear of since I was taken there for my head injury, they save my life but treated me horribly and the security tortured me one night. Im sick of EEG tests and the crap they put all over your scalp and hair, last time I shaved my head, I dont want to do that again, but if the neurologists nurse wants me to do another one too, than Im guessing Ill be getting rid of the hair. I also dont want new meds or anything, they got me on mild primidone and klonopin, it doesnt make me stupid or slow or angry, the klonopin actually cools me down, I dont want to have to adapt to any other drugs, and Im so sick of stupid tests and scans and doctors, or idiot friends who say I need to get off the pain meds when they have no clue how much pain I wake up with every morning, or their stupid advice to bypass the workers comp doctor because they dont think the doctors are really helping me, Im sick of people who have no idea that most of the doctors were telling my mom Id have permanent brain damage and need 24/7 care and were trying to get her to release me to a rehabilitive center, Id of killed myself if I got locked up in another hell hole hospital, with stupid rules and be treated like a child, and starved to death on their "healthy" cheap meals, I was 195 in january of last year, I got my back hurt, went through hell with physical therapy, got strong and dropped down to 175 of lean muscle, and now after the last accident Im 155, Im weak and in pain and still cant work or drive and Im blind in the right eye from all the pressure from the brain bleeding from my accident. Im home, and grateful for that, but I want a gun now, as Im scared of ever being that vulnerable again, and Im scared to ever go in the hospital again and I cant do anything about it as I have no proof I was tortured.
 
Proof or not you should complain too the health authroities when your strong enough, regards your beds there are plastic sheeting covers you can get so you do not ruin it so you don't have too wear diapers, and you haven't got permanent brain damage your fighting and one day I know youll just turn round and say FUCK YOU too them, its total shit when people say cannot do this that or the other, they haven't got a clue all you can do is focus and prove them wrong, you've got through that injury your amazing just for that, -big massive hugs-
 
hope things went okay at the appointment today Abynorml.
 
things went ok today, I was just venting yesterday. They raised my primidone levels and ordered more scans in six months. I'll be ok, the bedwetting is annoying but not the end of the world, and as weird as it may sound I prefer a diaper over those damn waterproof sheet, they are to loud and hot to sleep on, and dont save the sheets or comforter, and I still wake up wet and miserable, the diaper is embarassing but a better solution, its comfortable and very easy to manage and clean up after an accident, plus I use to travel a lot for work, hopefully the med increase fixes everything, and I wont need anything at night.
 
as for the brain damage, well its a day to day thing right now, I did damage my brain, my memory is nowhere what it use to be, but Im still a functioning adult who can take care of himself and 5 dogs, it will be time before I can tell how much damage was done, the biggest thing is I lost my vision in my right eye.
 
Im still a functioning adult who can take care of himself and 5 dogs
That's more than I can do. Good for you, and the pups too.
 
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