Abynorml
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so my injury to my head has probably aggravated my nocturnal seizures, I have to go to the neurologist tomorrow, but only his nurse is available and the workers comp nurse who is helping me manage all my doctor visits and stuff wants to come along to the appointment, so I have to talk about the fact Im waking up wet often lately and wear diapers to keep me from ruining my bed, I was doing great since they added Klonopin to my meds last year and was waking up dry till a month or two after the injury I started having problems again, its easy to manage but embarassing as all heck to say I wear a diaper to bed, even in front of a nurse, and Im tired of doctors and this whole ordeal, spent friday getting jabbed in the eye by an idiot neuro ophatalmolgist who had no clue I was pretty much blind in my right eye, I said it hurts when he jammed his finger in my eye to open up my eyelids, he thought I was complaining about the bright light he was shining in my eye that I didnt even see, was a total jerk and hes the only neuro eye doctor in the state, he ordered an eeg type test to measure my eye response, to be done possibly at the hospital I hate and have fear of since I was taken there for my head injury, they save my life but treated me horribly and the security tortured me one night. Im sick of EEG tests and the crap they put all over your scalp and hair, last time I shaved my head, I dont want to do that again, but if the neurologists nurse wants me to do another one too, than Im guessing Ill be getting rid of the hair. I also dont want new meds or anything, they got me on mild primidone and klonopin, it doesnt make me stupid or slow or angry, the klonopin actually cools me down, I dont want to have to adapt to any other drugs, and Im so sick of stupid tests and scans and doctors, or idiot friends who say I need to get off the pain meds when they have no clue how much pain I wake up with every morning, or their stupid advice to bypass the workers comp doctor because they dont think the doctors are really helping me, Im sick of people who have no idea that most of the doctors were telling my mom Id have permanent brain damage and need 24/7 care and were trying to get her to release me to a rehabilitive center, Id of killed myself if I got locked up in another hell hole hospital, with stupid rules and be treated like a child, and starved to death on their "healthy" cheap meals, I was 195 in january of last year, I got my back hurt, went through hell with physical therapy, got strong and dropped down to 175 of lean muscle, and now after the last accident Im 155, Im weak and in pain and still cant work or drive and Im blind in the right eye from all the pressure from the brain bleeding from my accident. Im home, and grateful for that, but I want a gun now, as Im scared of ever being that vulnerable again, and Im scared to ever go in the hospital again and I cant do anything about it as I have no proof I was tortured.
