Bullying at school

[tinasmom]

Alivenwell -

Thank you for the link, unfortunately this curriculum only goes through 8th grade and this is happening in High School. I printed off the Bullying Prevention Policy Guidelines and both the Principal and V.P. had not read this.

 

[alivenwell]

That means they're attitude seems to be below the 8th grade level of maturity.

 

[Shelley]

Southpark

There was an episode on Southpark, where Cartman was the bully and someone stood up to him. Cartmans mom just never believed her 'sweet little boy' could ever cause harm to anyone.
Long story short, (and don't try this at home) Cartman lost a fist fight,yet still didn't understnd why he got beat up.
Yes, I know that nobody believes that bullies exist, like nobody believe that I was bullied when I was a kid (and now). But hese people are real, and we must watch more of what we do, than them.
Keep gathering evidence, keep reporting each incident, and sue the snot out of the family.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/188237

 

[Shelley]

Cartman

The bottom line is this: Cartman the bully got what was coming to him.
I will not advocate actually fighting, however, because it will backfire.
Document everything. Leave out no detail. Hammer the school officials with this evidence, and watch for the bullies parents. They will have another view.
Love your child, unconditionally, and support her no matter what. Educate people about epilepsy. It's no joke, nor is it anything that I would wish on another. ttyl

 

[tinasmom]

I think we might actually be making some progress. My husband went to the school to talk with the police officer there. When he was discussing the bullying that had been happening, the officer knew nothing of it. The V.P. did not make him aware of any of this. The officer told my husband that without anyone admitting they saw this, there really wasn't much he could do. My husband then called the Sargent on duty at the police department and explained the whole run around we have been getting. He said that in this county, it is very hard to get harrassment charges to stick. He told my husband that he would speak with the officer at school to see what could be done and would call him back. We got a phone call that my step-daughter had left school second period. Luckily, the mother of another student called and she was found. She was arrested and given a truancy ticket. The officer took her back to school and my husband and her mom and step-dad were at the school waiting. My husband had a conversation with the police officer at the school and we have been told that any incidents with this bully needs to be reported to him and a ticket will be issued each time. The officer told my husband that he had contacted this students probation officer about these incidents. The school officer and my husband discussed the way the school handles this situations and were in agreement that the school does not do what they need to do. The Sargent called my husband back and said that if there were anymore problems, my husband was to speak directly to him as he will be handling this.

 

[Mom2many]

Laura, There is an old phrase.....I believe this to be true. Because I believe it to be true through countless experiences I fear for this bully.
" What Goes around comes around ".
It may not be tomorrow or even over the next year, you may never even know it will happen; But Trust me it will. Life will come back to bite her in the Butt. :twocents:
I am sorry my friend that you have had to experience any of this, I know ya'll have done whats right......this is ALL on the girl and the staff at the school.

 

[tinasmom]

I did find out that the Principal might be in violation of her right to privacy as he left all the doors to his office open during our conversation regarding this issue. I will be pursuing this.

 

[Shelley]

Yes

Please keep fighting. My parents did nothing. I am scarred for life, and flinch if anyone comes near me. And I am suspicious of their intent. Talk to your step-daughter. Do this everyday after school. Allow her to open up; don't force her. Let her know that you are there for her. Try to understand what she is going through as she doesn't have enough life experience yet to understand this other person, nor deal with it in any other way except to run. These bullies stink.

 

[tinasmom]

We just found out last night that she has been approached by 4 other students informing her that this bully is planning to get a group together to beat her up. We have told her that we are there for her and will be there to back her up. It's so hard being a teenager now days and then to go through something like this. She knows that we will not give up on this issue until something is done. I finally received a response from the principal regarding my emails. I think he may be getting a little scared because we are not giving up on this. We told him that we have contacted the police department, the officer at the school and the media. When the officer at school was talked to about this issue, he really didn't know what we were talking about because the V.P. had not contacted him about the physical attack on her. Now, she is no longer to report any incidents to the V.P. but directly to the officer at school. The Sargent downtown also told my husband that if we have anymore problems with this issue not being handled properly, we are to contact him directly. I don't think the principal likes the idea that we are contacting ouside sources for help. I'm sure he considers us "The Parents From Hell" as we won't just sit back and wait until this issue gets way out of control. We will proudly be known as The Parents From Hell if this shows our children that we will not give up on such an important issue as being bullied at school. We hope this shows our children that you do not have to become violent to resolve issues, which seems to be way to common in today's world. If you research and find sources to help you and never give up on what you believe in, you can resolve this peacefully. School administrators only want us to know what they think is necessary for us to know, but because of the Internet and wonderful forums such as this, we now have the power to educate ourselves.

 

[BuckeyeFan]

It may sound far-fetched, but let the V.P. know that his inaction is equal to aiding the offender once he has been notified. These activities are no different than if he had evidence that you were abusing your step-daughter and he did not intervene.

I hope I am making sense. It is the law in most states that he report to the authorities if he suspects abuse, he MUST report it. The same as the medical community. By not reporting the assaults going on in the building he is in charge of to students he is responsible to keep safe, he may very well be breaking the law himself.

Some of these jerks just don't get it.

:soap:

 

[tinasmom]

The whole physical attack is being brushed off because no one will admit to seeing it happen. We have been told that since no one has said they saw it, it cannot be documented. As they see it, it's just her word against the bully's who will deny it. We believe that this really did happen and won't give up until someone takes action.

 

[Meetz1064]

Actually, I

do believe that Buckeye is right. If that VP is NOT reporting suspected abuse, just because he didn't see it, he's not doing his job, and that means HE is liable. So's the school for that matter.

Get a lawyer involved.......and inform the VP you're doing so. He's a jerk......tho I have a different word for it.:bigsmile::roflmao:

 

[Shelley]

Step it up.

If the four kids told your step daughter of the impending attacks, take it for what it's worth.
Are the kids her friends, or the bullies. Are they neutral? Can they be used as witnesses to the crime that is being planned?
Bullies get away with way too much.
Get legal advise ASAP. This is getting out of hand, and does not help anyone develop a stronger character. This is bs.

 

[alivenwell]

What other school district did that bully come from? Is it close by? Does this bully have a bad rep there as well?

An alternative I suggest is to observe your daughter's classes. But, you'd have to be careful to not interfere with the class. With your daughter's recent poor performance, can you find a time alone with any of the teachers to find out if anything else is happening? Can their seating be placed farther apart? Is the teasing occurring during class? Does any teacher see something out of line with other kids besides this bully?

Personally, it might be wise to have a psychologist observe classes (outside your intermediate unit). That person can write down observations. And, because of privacy, he/she can only share them with people you permit to receive that information. The teachers may be feeling a little defensive with a boss like that VP.

 

[tinasmom]

Shelley - We have told the principal and V.P. about the plan of beating my step-daughter up and they won't listen to us. One girl, who is friends with both, actually approached us and told us about the plan to beat her up. She was afraid to tell us because she didn't want her name mentioned as she also fears the bully. Because we will not give this girl's name they only consider it a rumor and won't act on it. I told the V.P. that there is no way I will put this girls safety in danger by releasing her name. I also told him that because we promised not to use her name, I wouldn't. This bullying was witnessed by my step-daughters step-brother and his friend and they both denied seeing it. No one wants to admit that they have witnessed her actions.

Alivenwell - this bully started at the H.S. my step-daughter is attending and then switched to the other H.S. here in town. This year she returned to the first H.S. Her record for trouble making at school is pretty extensive and still the principal and V.P. don't see a need to permanently expel her.

All of this is forcing us to look for other options of educating my step-daughter. It's sad that they are willing to protect the bully and we will have to take my step-daughter out of the school to protect her. Unfortunately, this just gives the message that the bully can do what she wants.

 

[alivenwell]

Maybe it's just a matter of time until the bully becomes bored and finds another victim.

 

[tinasmom]

My step-daughter is in a program with very few kids and this bully is not in any of her classes. The bully only sees her in the hall and that is where everything is happening. Personally, I don't want this bully to find another victim I want the school to take a stand and let all the students know that behavior like this will not be tolerated and that they will do whatever is necessary to stop this negative behavior. The whole problem is that these adults are afraid to take a stand against these abusive students.

I would really like to see everyone spend one day in the High Schools here to see what really goes on. I did this because my youngest daughter was skipping classes so I followed her to every class. I sure got a lesson in the lack of control teachers have now days. If we acted the way they were acting or swore the way they were swearing, we would've been sent to the principals office and talked to. The thing we feared the most was that our parents would be contacted and we would be reprimanded for our behavior in school. I didn't come from a home where my parents hit me so that was never my punishment. My parents taught me to respect my elders and just knowing that they would be disappointed in my behavior was enough to make me behave myself in school. I guess that now days when you see parents acting violently towards coaches and teachers, it just teaches the kids that this behavior is ok. It makes me so sad to know that people have become so violent and hateful. People should realize that our children are our future and someday, these kids will be taking care of us. What kind of care will these kids provide?

 

[ziggidypoo]

I certainly hope something can be done - home schooling or something. Bullying scars for an entire lifetime and can shape a person's entire persona for life. Like being kicked from class to class during classtime changes; locker room beatings; beatings off grounds on the way walking home from school; verbal threats that a major beating will come on the last day of school so the bully can't get in trouble; names that stick from elementary school to high school; beatings on the bus; many kids are verbally/mentally or other abused at home and afraid to tell about school problems. I am so proud that at least you are TRYING and certainly your child will always remember that. Times have changed and now there are weapons, so I pray she is protected from all harm.

This can also happen in the job field for adults who were pre-formed from school bullies and the bullies left school and continued bullying in the workforce.

Wish I had an answer - seems like today I have no answers - only "I CARE".

 

[tinasmom]

We have not had anymore issues with the bully since we involved the police. Since I was not able to talk with the school board about my issue because it was considered a personal complaint, I will be rewording my concern and going to the school board this month. This issue still needs to be addressed and changes need to be made.

 

[joan]

I am so sorry for her hardship. Its just not fair and a glimpse into how some folks parent. I'm not sure I blame the kid as much as the parents. As a parent, I oversee my children behavior. Let me get a whiff that my kids are being mean to another? and Id fix them right. Just seems some parents want to raise bullies. They don't see them as bullies, they see them as "outgoing". Whatever, its wrong to make anyone feel uncomfortable and they wouldn't like it done to them. We are in NJ. and in NJ we take school bullying very seriously. Every child is guaranteed an safe educational environment, when there is a bully involved, the education level is effected. This child, and for the record, I do have sympathy for the bully. As obviously they are having issues and it seems no one is paying attention or cares enough to help them.

My recommendations are

EVERYTHING in writing. Start and keep a paper trail. In that trail put the school and principal on notice that they have a student with a documented past hostility record that is harassing your daughter and making it impossible for her to concentrate on her work. That your daughter is now a target and you want her safety ensured. Once on notice, They are bound by law to act on it. Call the police each and every time. Put it in writing. IF, after you have notified the school in writing and they have not acted to resolve this issue, you can sue them for civil rights violations. Call the ACLU. They may even help for free. There have been schools that have had to pay out. I know its not the way you probably want to go but Id let that Principal know I have NO PROBLEM getting a lawyer. Sometimes that puts a match under their butt : ) Also here in NJ the school board would have heard you, so obviosly things different by you.

Bullying is no joke. It escalates and leaves many scarred for no reason. I am so glad you are diligent in this matter. If you need help researching the laws of your state/area, let me know and Id be willing to help with research.

I also want to put out there that every kid tends to get bullied at some point. It up to us to teach them how to deal with it as well. Id remind your daughter that even if she didn't have E, mean kids would find something else to pick on.. she's short, tall, blond, green eyes. Some kids just mean. Id encourage her to cement her friendships with others. Having her own lil group will help as well. I know this is hard to watch and go thru but hang in there.

joan*






Courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.