Ok, I honestly think I am fine.
But I know I'm not.
My brain is like some superbrain, that processes new things faster than everyone else I know. It never stops thinking. I sometimes think I'm designed to produce great things for mankind.
But then reality check: what the hell is reality?
Seriously, the partial seizures I have drive me nuts! I have them and hallucinate that everyone/everything I know is figment of my imagination. I tell myself "no!!!! bastards!!!" all while some voice like Darth Vader communicates telepathically to me "search your feelings, you know them to be true". And I do search my feelings, and it tells me yes, reality is fake; that everyone I love is an illusion, and that I am the only true being in existence, and after death I will forget all about the people I love, never to see them again. But more importantly, the voice 'communicates' that I better stay true to the path that is designed for me, ... or ELSE!
Does anyone have trouble with this, or am I the only one?
My biggest problem is that I'm worried I'll have these crazy seizures during any job I ever get in the future. I've had them at work so many times in the past, and I've always just hidden it, saying 'i need to go to the bathroom'. And I've been ok. But what if I get a career that actually requires me at my 110% mental capacity? What if I'm giving a speech at a board meeting? Ugh
I also have an obscene dose of 'my conscience' ruling my life. I go out to do things, and there is something inside that tells me EXACTLY what to do, as if I am 'using the force' (George Lucas will probably sue my for this post). It will protest me doing something so ordinary, that I can't accomplish tasks. EXAMPLE: I start to pull into a gas station. The voice says "DON"T DO IT! WAIT!". If I obey the voice and don't do it, the next day gas will be way cheaper. If I do it anyway and say 'you don't rule me voice!', while I'm pumping gas someone runs into my car, or I run over a nail in the parking lot, or the gas tank had mud in it and ruins my engine. It is ALWAYS right. ALWAYS. I hate it! If I disobey the most stupid commands (don't grab that with your left hand, use your right) there is always a price I end up paying! And I've paid some hefty penalties.
Does anyone know if this is seizure related? Anyone have this?
thanks for the great posts here, Its helps, I'm glad I found this site.
:banana:
:soap:
But I know I'm not.
My brain is like some superbrain, that processes new things faster than everyone else I know. It never stops thinking. I sometimes think I'm designed to produce great things for mankind.
But then reality check: what the hell is reality?
Seriously, the partial seizures I have drive me nuts! I have them and hallucinate that everyone/everything I know is figment of my imagination. I tell myself "no!!!! bastards!!!" all while some voice like Darth Vader communicates telepathically to me "search your feelings, you know them to be true". And I do search my feelings, and it tells me yes, reality is fake; that everyone I love is an illusion, and that I am the only true being in existence, and after death I will forget all about the people I love, never to see them again. But more importantly, the voice 'communicates' that I better stay true to the path that is designed for me, ... or ELSE!
Does anyone have trouble with this, or am I the only one?
My biggest problem is that I'm worried I'll have these crazy seizures during any job I ever get in the future. I've had them at work so many times in the past, and I've always just hidden it, saying 'i need to go to the bathroom'. And I've been ok. But what if I get a career that actually requires me at my 110% mental capacity? What if I'm giving a speech at a board meeting? Ugh
I also have an obscene dose of 'my conscience' ruling my life. I go out to do things, and there is something inside that tells me EXACTLY what to do, as if I am 'using the force' (George Lucas will probably sue my for this post). It will protest me doing something so ordinary, that I can't accomplish tasks. EXAMPLE: I start to pull into a gas station. The voice says "DON"T DO IT! WAIT!". If I obey the voice and don't do it, the next day gas will be way cheaper. If I do it anyway and say 'you don't rule me voice!', while I'm pumping gas someone runs into my car, or I run over a nail in the parking lot, or the gas tank had mud in it and ruins my engine. It is ALWAYS right. ALWAYS. I hate it! If I disobey the most stupid commands (don't grab that with your left hand, use your right) there is always a price I end up paying! And I've paid some hefty penalties.
Does anyone know if this is seizure related? Anyone have this?
thanks for the great posts here, Its helps, I'm glad I found this site.
:banana:
:soap: