Completely insane from seizures!!!

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tlemaybe

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Ok, I honestly think I am fine.
But I know I'm not.
My brain is like some superbrain, that processes new things faster than everyone else I know. It never stops thinking. I sometimes think I'm designed to produce great things for mankind.
But then reality check: what the hell is reality?
Seriously, the partial seizures I have drive me nuts! I have them and hallucinate that everyone/everything I know is figment of my imagination. I tell myself "no!!!! bastards!!!" all while some voice like Darth Vader communicates telepathically to me "search your feelings, you know them to be true". And I do search my feelings, and it tells me yes, reality is fake; that everyone I love is an illusion, and that I am the only true being in existence, and after death I will forget all about the people I love, never to see them again. But more importantly, the voice 'communicates' that I better stay true to the path that is designed for me, ... or ELSE!
Does anyone have trouble with this, or am I the only one?

My biggest problem is that I'm worried I'll have these crazy seizures during any job I ever get in the future. I've had them at work so many times in the past, and I've always just hidden it, saying 'i need to go to the bathroom'. And I've been ok. But what if I get a career that actually requires me at my 110% mental capacity? What if I'm giving a speech at a board meeting? Ugh

I also have an obscene dose of 'my conscience' ruling my life. I go out to do things, and there is something inside that tells me EXACTLY what to do, as if I am 'using the force' (George Lucas will probably sue my for this post). It will protest me doing something so ordinary, that I can't accomplish tasks. EXAMPLE: I start to pull into a gas station. The voice says "DON"T DO IT! WAIT!". If I obey the voice and don't do it, the next day gas will be way cheaper. If I do it anyway and say 'you don't rule me voice!', while I'm pumping gas someone runs into my car, or I run over a nail in the parking lot, or the gas tank had mud in it and ruins my engine. It is ALWAYS right. ALWAYS. I hate it! If I disobey the most stupid commands (don't grab that with your left hand, use your right) there is always a price I end up paying! And I've paid some hefty penalties.
Does anyone know if this is seizure related? Anyone have this?

thanks for the great posts here, Its helps, I'm glad I found this site.
:banana:
:soap:
 
Have you mentioned these episodes and sensations to your neurologist? Are you on anti-seizure meds? It seems to me that that would be a good place to start to try and get a handl on what's going on.
 
Are you sure these are just seizures? I'd be concerned about something psychiatric. And I mean that with love. I'm a clinically diagnosed crazy.
 
I applaud you for your courage.I also have weird mind racing events and have tle and I dont have the courage to share them.I am in awe of you.
 
What meds are you on? doesn't sound like anything psychiatric to me but I'm not a dr. My daughter has the same type of hallucinations...she is 4 so it's more a black unicorn flying over a rainbow and smashing stuff...or the dragon from sleeping beauty eating her...but either way the hallucinations can be insanely real. Just try to get ur seizure activity under control and u should be okay.


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It is possible that seizures could cause 'depersonalization' or also a symptom called 'jamias vu' the opposite of deja vu, where everything feels odd and unfamiliar, including yourself. check into it, by googling those symptoms, make a checklist and bring it to your doctor.


And also, if you are like me, and you work with tarot, and psychic readings, and you also experiment with the occult and magic, the second part of your post sounds VERY familiar to me [minus the voices that command part.....]. I use witchcraft on a regular basis and it has helped my life in so many ways. but i would never recommend that to anyone who didn't have a good stable foundation, and who wasn't prepared beforehand with knowledge. I have been into that kind of thing since 1992, and the book that I am writing, due out at the end of this month, is based on the study and practice of witchcraft.

Now people have been using magic for centuries, but a doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist will call it 'magical thinking' and give you a pill to make it all go away, and you will feel numb and forget about it.

These doctors don't know what the occult is, because if they did, they would have diagnosed so many people with this condition that it would be ridicoulous. and yes, there is a difference between mental illness and the actual study of magic. usually those who have mental illness have a thin grasp on reality, they suffer from psychosis and delusion and their condition is crippling. their personal and professional lives suffer.... and the difference is clear when you know someone who has studied the occult for years, who has knowledge and information, who's life is together personally and professionally, who gets what they want out of life and manifests their dreams and desires and who knows fantasy from reality.

Really though if it was up to psychiatrists they would diagnose anyone who is religious with the same condition. because they pray to an 'invisible deity' who they believe 'provides them things in life' for which they give to that 'invisible deity' love in return, who 'speaks to them' sometimes in a commanding voice, who 'tempts them' or doles out 'punishment' if such orders are disobeyed. They say that its normal to talk to your god but when your god speaks back, then you are crazy. LOL I guess then anyone who ever walked this earth who has been involved in any religion since the dawn of recorded history is mentally ill, according to that.

But as i understand it we aren't supposed to talk about religion on the forums... tisk tisk

If you have something telling you what to do, as in, a voice in your head that is not natural, is not yours, and is commanding you to do things, and is leading you to believe that if you don't comply you will suffer....then this experience will only get WORSE as time goes on, until you are unable to fight it anymore, and then you are lost and unable to deal with it..and quite honestly, this does not sound normal, and you need your life back, you really do.

Epilepsy is quite distinct from mental illness but i am sure that like with any portion of the population there are those who suffer with both. it is said that a portion of the epilepsy population suffers with bipolar and/or depression. There IS help out there if you take the steps to make yourself WELL again. You can do it, and you should, for your sake and for the sake of those around you that love you. Get the proper help while you are still able to ask yourself if what you are experiencing is normal, because if you have to ask yourself that then you may need assistance. Really.
 
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Your post is a bit concerning. You need to see a neurologist and a psychiatrist ASAP. Your post to me sounds very much like a friend of mine who has paranoid schizophrenia. The voices tell him to do thing, (he thinks the voice is buddah, but at one point he thought it was similar to the matrix) anyway the voice would tell him to do things (simple or complex) and if he'd disobey, he'd equate anything bad that happened as a sign he was to obey. Its until he started disobeying thoughts to harm people and things that he got help, and with anti-psychotic drugs, the voice went away and he could live a normal life. Please get help ASAP before this escalates into more dangerous or illegal "commands"
 
The hallucinations can be part of the aura of a seizure if you have TLE. I have TLE and have experienced some weird hallucinations and heard voices just prior to going into a major tonic/clonic seizure, but that has only happened twice. Many times, tho, people with TLE, have weird thoughts and think they can hang the moon on their own, therefore there are psychiatrists out there who can help and epileptologist, too. Also take a look at this website that explains moods/behavior in epilepsy:

http://www.epilepsy.com/EPILEPSY/NEURO_BEHAV
 
i have been told i could have dissociative idendity disorder which is mild mpd basically. it doesn't bother me that i have it so i don't mention it to docs because i don't want it treated. if it's helping you from harm don't wanna get dignosed as having a mental illness. it does escalate and you think you might harm someone or yourselv(es) go to the hospital ASAP.
 
There are a lot of people with temporal lobe seizures who believe they have psychic phenomenon. Take a look at this thread:

http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com/forums/f27/do-you-experience-psychic-phenomena-9235/

Also interesting is the research done on the "god helmet" which imitates psychic or religious experiences by stimulating parts of the brain. It explains how the left temporal lobe can sense activity in the right temporal lobe as a separate presence.

http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/behavior/brain-religion2.htm

Based on this, and knowing that epilepsy is a result of a misfiring in the brain, I could believe a seizure could cause this. Sometimes the correct diagnosis is more than one thing at once, though. It could be some seizures, with other psychiatric stuff thrown in. Talking to your doctors is a good start to sort it all out.

Please do ask tell your neurologist about your symptoms, and see what she says. I think a psychiatric professional is a very good source for a second opinion, and it may be a good idea to see one soon rather than waiting for your neurologist to refer you. You can also call your neurologist today or tomorrow. For something like this I think you'd get a same-day call back.
 
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Rae1889 said:
Your post is a bit concerning. You need to see a neurologist and a psychiatrist ASAP. Your post to me sounds very much like a friend of mine who has paranoid schizophrenia. The voices tell him to do thing, (he thinks the voice is buddah, but at one point he thought it was similar to the matrix) anyway the voice would tell him to do things (simple or complex) and if he'd disobey, he'd equate anything bad that happened as a sign he was to obey. Its until he started disobeying thoughts to harm people and things that he got help, and with anti-psychotic drugs, the voice went away and he could live a normal life. Please get help ASAP before this escalates into more dangerous or illegal "commands"
Click to expand...

These are my thoughts exactly.
 
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Not all of the stuff implicated in "commands" as you say is dangerous or meant to harm. It can also be for a way to protect you or a coping strategy. I know to people who don't hear voices it would all seem to need psychological/psychiatrict care, but sometimes it's benign.
 
Hi i'm new here but when i read your post i was like wow, that sorta sounds like my life. I dont have voices in my head telling me do to things but i am always talking to myself about everything that i do kinda like having a discussion with two people in my head. Sometimes i do get some of those feelings you talked about and one of the things that is always happening is i'm dreaming that i get telekenesis 2-3 times a week and then i wake up and it feels like i still have the powers and sometimes i try to move things with my mind lol:loco:. I only get nocturnal grand mals but i have had tons of them and when they did all the scans on me they said there was nothing except normal brain activity.
 
Still though, if you are having thoughts that are disturbing your life, you may need medical help. I get racing thoughts when i dont take my medicine but it is always rambling, odd things that aren't even aimed at me, like for instance, songs that get stuck in my head, and I just take it as neurons that are firing way too fast. If you have TLE you are more likely to experience racing thought, i believe just because the portion of your mind that deals with emotions and memories may be firing at a much faster rate than is comfortable for you. I have TLE, but this does not interfere in my life and it is not disturbing in any way, its just annoying to not be able to have a calm mind. When i am on my medication, my mind is quiet and calm, and quite frankly it's a relief.

Still though, if you are having thoughts that are disturbing your life, a voice that is communicating with you, having conversations with you, reasoning with you, something that is not natural, is commanding you, you could be experiencing a psychiatric symptom, and you may need medical help. Voices that are commanding are a symptom of some personality/psychiatric disorders. With medication and guidance you may just be able to get your life back on track.
 
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