*wipe away tears*
heyyyyyyyyyyy guys!!!!!!!!! i'm back!!!!!
thank you so much for all the support while i was gone, means so much!
ughhhh the surgery was a bit hellish but i am at home recovering. was supposed to be 3 hours, however they found more than they thought so took more out and it was actually 5.5 hours. oh my i can't explain what my family went through, no one came out of the operating room at any time to tell them what was happening. fourth hour came, fifth hour, and nothing! they weren't contacted until it was over, and have been honest with me that when every hour passed after the third it was scary as hell. but no one said anything to each other b/c it was easier not to say out loud. my gawwwwwd i feel sorry for them. i have asked my surgeon why it was so long and he wouldn't tell me anything, so i will be pressing him more on that next phone call, which will be any day. i am waiting for his call re: the pathology. in the hospital he said he's pretty sure it was actually a tumor, but have to wait for results to be sure. he is still pretty sure it's not cancer though. *trying not to cry*.
the experience itself was pretty rough, stayed twice as long as first thought, mainly b/c i was so sick. out of 8 days there i was violently ill for five of them, threw up constantly. left on saturday morning aug. 17 and didn't stop throwing up until that night. still nauseous every morning but a good cup of coffee takes care of that
my scar is wonderful (will post pic in a bit), and the headaches have been mostly manageable. sucks tho that my drug of choice for pain is advil, and all i can have is tylenol for one month. it only takes the edge off but whatever, not worth complaining about, could be alot worse

for pain i've been not too bad, other than that just alot of lower back/tailbone pain when i came home. ouchhhhh! the worst was that nothing helped not rubs, tylenol, hot baths, nothing. my nurse just said to be patient, it wouldn't last, and she was right! i'm better now.
hehe... i also, due to being so sick in the hospital, lost 15 pounds. yeah, come home from trauma and what happens? comfort food!! prob put atleast half back on already with brownies and fries and chips and... but lol whatever they were needed at the time. now i'm trying to switch to fruit and salad and my brain is going 'what?! this is the new me and i don't eat that shit haha!!' it still wants the junk but *sigh* i have to argue.
the most important thing i find is the daily struggle as your mind runs all over the place. i feel quite strong, as the main issue i'm having is word loss and some memory (could be so much worse so i'm positive on that). however the brain truly does do whatever it wants. as it's making new pathways and emotions it does run the show, and it dawns on me often that 'i had part of my brain taken out.' hmmm. 'i am missing part of my brain.' ohhhh. 'i don't have my left hippocampus or amygdala and instead it's a metal plate with screws.' oh god. ...and then the tears. it's quite a process, going to be long with many emotions, to accept that this was really done. but (and i love mel for this so much), she always tell me i'm a super star so guess what i am!!!! hehe... i am now 25 days seizure free!! woot woot. i haven't known that feeling for a long damn time. one of my 'jobs' for myself is to remind myself daily that i can do this, and though the surgery was alot more than expected that i still came out the other side.
thanks again friends (love you mel!!), it's nice to be back. i can only handle a computer for an hour or two a day so i'll try to say hi often until life gets back to normal. i'll post the pic soon too so you can see how great of incision he made, and my hair is growing back fast too.
LOVE and HUGS, qtown.