Thank you for making this thread. Lately I've been feeling extremely lonely. I've tried to thank God (I'm a Christian) for my blessings, tried to look on the bright-side, and yet I still have no friends and feel like a downright joke. And typing this embarrasses me, I feel ridiculous, humiliated, almost as though I'm not human, or having to learn to be human, a 'normal' human, but I feel like I have to put this, because I don't want to kill myself, and do what my brother did in 2012. I've been to all kinds of churches and I just don't fit in. Well, I certainly feel like I don't. Because meds don't help my Epilepsy I'm not allowed to drive, and that would be ok if I didn't live in an isolated area with my parents. I love them, but I would like to be less dependent on them. I would move out if I had a higher-payed job, if I wasn't discriminated for a condition that I didn't ask to be born with, or had a boyfriend/married someone who loves me, and who I love in return. Furthermore I get very down when I see my younger siblings with their husbands. My youngest sister is on her honeymoon. They both have successful careers, men who love them (which I'm happy for them) have many friends, and look like supermodels. That is wonderful for them, and I'm glad that they don't have my life, but as they're big sister, I feel anyway, that I have been a very bad role-model, that I'm not a woman they can look up to, and I feel like a third-wheel. The pain and disconnectedness that I feel is nearly indescribable. Of course naturally as a sinner I have been jealous, but I don't feel jealous of them, I feel left out, lonely. Society has conditioned us to believe that the oldest child has to be married first, and I know that there's more to life, that I have to put Jesus first, but this feeling remains. This torment engulfs my spirit, and I'm so confused. Also I know that this is a self-centred post. There are people in worse situations. But I feel so trapped, so tormented.