psychic auras, tonic/clonics, and a feeling of renewal?

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I am a 32 yo female, I recently began experiencing seizures and auras. With an impending layoff and the interview process for new potential jobs in the works, it seemed like a real inopportune time for such a medical scare.

The auras began before the seizures, and came out of nowhere, seemingly. While talking to a friend one day at work, all of a sudden images came falling upon me like a wave, seemed like "someone else's dreams", for about 20 seconds, ending in my vision completely fading to white. This happened several more times over the coming weeks, and I started to have the suspicion that it could be seizure related.

This may sound strange, but I also started to feel like these auras were psychic in nature, that I was perhaps picking up on some other energy around me. It felt so alien, like nothing that originated from me, so much so that I can only describe it as someone else's dream, and so vivid that I actually felt like I was watching it on screen,,accompanied by some sensory things, a feeling in the pit of my stomach. During this time when these auras were so new and life was so confusing(beginning of what has been a huge transition for me, all predicated by these physical manifestations that I cannot control, by any means I am aware of), I have felt the acute presence of not one, but all four of my deceased grandparents. I don't feel this now, but I felt it then, when it was all so new--I remember telling my mother this, and her looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Maybe I have a little, maybe it's a good thing.

After several many auras, I had my first seizure. I was at home, and I just came to in my bed, with no recollection of how I got there, or what had happened, only a loss of 45 min time, unawares as to how I got to my bed from my living room, and a sore body and bitten tongue. Scary. I ignored this and drove to my friend's house to go on a hike. Hm.

Flash forward a couple of weeks later, I was at my home and I began having the aura. Typically, the aura would come, I would pause and let it run its course, and then I would go about my normal life afterwards, even if I felt a little off for about 45 min afterwards. This time, when I came to, I actually felt myself seizing on my kitchen floor. It was a gentle seize, but I called my friend and she took me directly to the doctor. Had all the tests--MRI, CT scan, EEG--all is coming back 'normal'.

A few weeks went by, and no new happenings. I am thinking it was a weird blip due to cumulative stress---house problems, losing job, car problems, doubting relationship, etc. I think it is over and done, I am offered a new job, house repaired, car repaired, all is stable, when I had the grande tonic clonic in my office bathroom just last Tuesday. Now, it is real, finally. I am taking Keppra, am not driving until I have been seizure free for 6 mos, and have had to turn down the job offered to me. I can't help but think it's a blessing in a really sadistic disguise.

The job I was going to take, would have eaten my soul. I wanted to take a break and spend time focusing on my neglected art, and getting into grad school. I felt guilty doing this because I felt that it would be irresponsible to turn down a job that was offered to me. But now, it's beyond me, and I am being given this break I so desperately need. I can't help but think that this is happening for a reason, and that there is more at play than we can even understand, when it comes to electricity and our brains, etc. It's hard to put into words, and I look forward to commenting and reading other's comments over the coming months.

I have seen some other threads discussing the psychic nature of this condition. It was such a relief to see that others feel this way too, because I cannot explain it, and it sounds crazy, but I believe that sometimes our brains cause these events to show us something. To put us on another path; I may change my mind if these events are still occurring a few years down the road, but now, with this much needed break looming, all because of these events, I cannot help but feel a bit blessed?

This is not to diminish the pain and anguish this condition causes many families, and I am still just figuring out how I feel about it all. It's so thick; there are so many layers and the human brain is possibly the most complex thing out there(that I, as a human thinking upon its own brain with its own brain, can comprehend).

I wish everyone out there the best in figuring your own way through this maze. I guess what makes this condition so odd is that, more times than not, all the 'tests' come back normal, and no one really knows what causes these events to occur. It's not fatal in and of itself, which is good, but it is also, oftentimes impossible to diagnose the reasons they are occurring. Medicine still doesn't know much about the brain, and I think there is more affecting our minds and bodies than we can tangibly see or feel.

So we just have to be patient, love ourselves and this process, be grateful to those around us who help us and love us (gotta love your chauffeurs!) and try to see the positive sides to things that, at the outset, just seem scary and unpredictable.
 

LW6279

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Hey,

I'm new here too. When my aura's start I can hear everyone's thoughts that is in close to me. It is so weird. I have got flashes of sences and like watching someone's elses life play out but can't figuire out what is going on. I hope life straighten out for you and you can move forward and do what you dream life should be. Just rest alot and keep a possitive outlook and we will both get where we want to be.


LW
 

Nakamova

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Hi Lunamoth,

I know what you mean about the seizures being a "sadistic blessing in disguise." My first tonic-clonic seizures arrived at a time when I was undergoing a particular difficult break-up of a long-time relationship. (I actually had the seizure in the realtor's office where I was signing the papers on the rental I was moving into.) The sadistic part was that I was already under tremendous stress (no doubt a factor in the seizures), in the middle of a move, beset by questions in all areas of my life. It was the worst possible time to get socked with a health crisis that caused confusion, physical injury, additional emotional pain, financial stress, loss of driving privileges, etc. The blessing is that the seizures made it easier to ask my family and friends for emotional and physical help. I wouldn't have done that with the relationship issues alone -- probably because I felt ashamed -- but the seizures made my dependence on others necessary and somehow more acceptable. The seizures enabled me to connect with others at a crucial time, when I otherwise would have tried to go it alone.

I have never experienced the psychic sensations that you mention, but I do feel that the seizures have at times given me unusual moments of clarity about myself and others.

I hope you continue to make the most of the "opportunity" your seizures have provided.

Best,
Nakamova
 
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