I watched my father's lungs be sucked right out of his chest when he was in the hospital due to pancreas and liver cancer. He was a very heavy smoker and drinker. I should know better....but? but? but? You see, that's my problem. I can't get pass that one but. The first time I quit was because I saw my best friends dad die within 2 months after being diagnosed with stomach cancer. He went from 180lbs to 80lbs in a matter of weeks. Needless to say, I saw my dad's face and remembered... and i quit cold turkey, no patch, no help, just cold turkey (hold the mayo please) ... But? But? But? Life got hard and cold a few years later, the dr's took away my hormone therapy and.....need I say more? The sad part, I think of both of them often, remembering how horribly they died.... and again, but, but, but. I know one day I will stop, hopefully soon, and if it's on my terms and not because of peer pressure or dr's, perhaps, just perhaps, I will never light up again, but there's always that one butt!
The worse yet, I had just gotten myself down to 3 to 5 cigs a day. I was using this non-smoke, nicotine like cigs called "endit". I got really upset at work and decided to have the real thing. On January 18, 2011, I lit a cig and my head litterally exploded. I never even got the chance to exhale. I didn't know what had happened. Thank God, there was someone outside with me that morning. She was talking too me, and I could see concern on her face. I knew something was wrong because everything was distorted, vision, sound all strange. A few seconds later, it felt like someone had taken a sawed-off-shotgun and blown the back of my head off. I dropped to my knees in pain beyond my own comprehension. I crawled to the wall, because I didn't want to fall down. I heard sirens in the background, but it was warped and sounded like it was racing around me. I woke 2 days later with 18 staples in my head. I was surprised.......I thought, I really thought, I had died. Then I go and lite up.....again? I'll admit, I got issues, lots of them : ( I gotta face em : (. One-by-one!
I dont know about anyone else, but, again, this topic has been so theraputic for me. It's opened my eyes to how I view smoking and even perhaps why I do ( which requires a session with my psyc dr.) Im so glad you brought this subject up. I can't get this kind of therapy from my pysc dr. As a matter of fact he just cancelled my next appt. This issue has been weighing very heavy on my heart, I guess more than I realized. I'm going to try, I mean really try hard to stop. Pray 4 me?
onder: I smoked for a year when I was young, but was cured when I ended up in the ICU because of burns due to a bad seizure. Did other stuff (not anything like heroine, cocaine) before seizures started, mainly drinking.
