So...what do you guys do about friends?
- Thread starter Mr.21T
- Start date
Welcome to the Coping With Epilepsy Forums
Welcome to the Coping With Epilepsy forums - a peer support community for folks dealing (directly or indirectly) with seizure disorders. You can visit the forum page to see the list of forum nodes (categories/rooms) for topics.
Please have a look around and if you like what you see, please consider registering an account and joining the discussions. When you register an account and log in, you may enjoy additional benefits including no ads, access to members only (ie. private) forum nodes and more. Registering an account is free - you have nothing to lose!
- Messages
- 759
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 0
I've never let it stop me socialising in the usual ways.
I recently moved to a new town 100s of miles from where I used to live, where I have just a couple of close friends I made 20 years ago (whilst I had E), and their few friends.
I've just been doing the usual thing really, going out, exploring, socialising- establishing which of the pubs was going to be my local lol- and I've got to know quite a few people. Met some decent people actually, a couple of which are becoming good friends. Joined a local poker night at the pub, and a quiz team there- have had some great nights
In fact I met a nice girl who called an ambulance for me when I had a seizure outside- she turned out to be a friend of a friend (it is a small town lol) so I got a chance to meet her again and thank her properly for helping me.
If you're meeting people that don't want to be your friend because of the E, well you're saving yourself wasted time then. Who wants dicks like that as friends?
I recently moved to a new town 100s of miles from where I used to live, where I have just a couple of close friends I made 20 years ago (whilst I had E), and their few friends.
I've just been doing the usual thing really, going out, exploring, socialising- establishing which of the pubs was going to be my local lol- and I've got to know quite a few people. Met some decent people actually, a couple of which are becoming good friends. Joined a local poker night at the pub, and a quiz team there- have had some great nights
In fact I met a nice girl who called an ambulance for me when I had a seizure outside- she turned out to be a friend of a friend (it is a small town lol) so I got a chance to meet her again and thank her properly for helping me.
If you're meeting people that don't want to be your friend because of the E, well you're saving yourself wasted time then. Who wants dicks like that as friends?
Last edited:
- Messages
- 5,979
- Reaction score
- 989
- Points
- 268
I know EXACTALLY what you mean! I'm a very friendly person who is easy to talk to many people who have met me have said but none of them really want to stick around and be friends.
Before I had epilepsy I had a ton of friends. But now I have very few. I think the main reason is because I can't drive and it's hard to get together or they just don't want to come to my place or pick me up to go somewhere.
I do have one true friend. She lives about an hour away, had a full time job and two kids so it's hard to actually get together. But we text each other a good bit and talk on the phone quite often. Once I was very upset about something and sent her a text at 11pm and asked her to call me the next day so we could talk. She was out the night I sent the text and got home around midnight and called me then. We probably talked for around an hour and she cheered me up.
When my grandfather and grandmother had passed away she left work early both times so she could come to the viewing. She said she would come to the funerals too but I told her not to because I didn't want her to miss a day of work for that. I don't think any of my other friends came to the viewings or funerals. They just sent cards, if even that.
We text quite often, talk on the phone a good bit and any time she is down my way she makes it a point to get together and do something. She's told me several times that she only has two real friends and I'm one of them.
I had another very good friend who I met in grade school who moved several states away years ago. We talked on the phone a lot. Any time she came home she made it a point to get together. About two years ago we got into a fight over something that everyone I know agrees was her fault. I got over it pretty quickly but I guess she didn't. When my grandmother died I called her crying and just wanted to talk, which we did for about 5 or 10 minutes. She asked why we stopped talking and I told her the reason then went back to crying and talking to her about my grandmother. She told me she had to go with in the next few minutes and haven't talked to her since. There's a whole lot more about this story and if you want to hear the whole thing PM me.
If you need a friend I'll be one!
Before I had epilepsy I had a ton of friends. But now I have very few. I think the main reason is because I can't drive and it's hard to get together or they just don't want to come to my place or pick me up to go somewhere.
I do have one true friend. She lives about an hour away, had a full time job and two kids so it's hard to actually get together. But we text each other a good bit and talk on the phone quite often. Once I was very upset about something and sent her a text at 11pm and asked her to call me the next day so we could talk. She was out the night I sent the text and got home around midnight and called me then. We probably talked for around an hour and she cheered me up.
When my grandfather and grandmother had passed away she left work early both times so she could come to the viewing. She said she would come to the funerals too but I told her not to because I didn't want her to miss a day of work for that. I don't think any of my other friends came to the viewings or funerals. They just sent cards, if even that.
We text quite often, talk on the phone a good bit and any time she is down my way she makes it a point to get together and do something. She's told me several times that she only has two real friends and I'm one of them.
I had another very good friend who I met in grade school who moved several states away years ago. We talked on the phone a lot. Any time she came home she made it a point to get together. About two years ago we got into a fight over something that everyone I know agrees was her fault. I got over it pretty quickly but I guess she didn't. When my grandmother died I called her crying and just wanted to talk, which we did for about 5 or 10 minutes. She asked why we stopped talking and I told her the reason then went back to crying and talking to her about my grandmother. She told me she had to go with in the next few minutes and haven't talked to her since. There's a whole lot more about this story and if you want to hear the whole thing PM me.
If you need a friend I'll be one!
- Messages
- 5,979
- Reaction score
- 989
- Points
- 268
Another person who was probably my best friend was my grandmother, who passed away in the spring. She lived next door and we would talk on the phone everyday or I'd visit her.
We would talk about anything. Things that you would never think a grandma and granddaughter would talk about! I know we would tell the same stories to each other over and over again without knowing it or say anything if we did know. We both had memory problems - mine because of epilepsy and hers because of her age.
Now if I talk to someone about some of the things we would talk about to other people, mainly my husband, I'll get "You told me this already - yesterday!" or "I don't want to hear about the dream that you had last night" and so many other things that grandma and I would talk about.
If something happens I find myself going to pick up the phone to call her and tell her about it but then I realize that she's not there to tell it too.
We would talk about anything. Things that you would never think a grandma and granddaughter would talk about! I know we would tell the same stories to each other over and over again without knowing it or say anything if we did know. We both had memory problems - mine because of epilepsy and hers because of her age.
Now if I talk to someone about some of the things we would talk about to other people, mainly my husband, I'll get "You told me this already - yesterday!" or "I don't want to hear about the dream that you had last night" and so many other things that grandma and I would talk about.
If something happens I find myself going to pick up the phone to call her and tell her about it but then I realize that she's not there to tell it too.
Mr.21T
New
- Messages
- 147
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
Im 24, had childhood friends, that I grew up with but e and my side effects took every opportunity I had to make friends. My closest friends are in the military and working in Canada's oil sands to pay off their student debt. My condition keeps me in my hometown and the residual effects of E kind of took every general bonding experience that kids and adolescents have with the exception of the time I took with them.
Sleepovers? Nope
College freshman dorm experiences, nope.
Sports, band, military or any organized experience, no way.
I was alone on my epilepsy journey until I found this board...In person I'm an undercover epileptic who tells no one about my situation. Glad someone else understands.
I have joined Toastmasters which has gone a long way, but because I don't drink and avoid clubs, I don't even know what to do with people anymore.
Sleepovers? Nope
College freshman dorm experiences, nope.
Sports, band, military or any organized experience, no way.
I was alone on my epilepsy journey until I found this board...In person I'm an undercover epileptic who tells no one about my situation. Glad someone else understands.
I have joined Toastmasters which has gone a long way, but because I don't drink and avoid clubs, I don't even know what to do with people anymore.
If people knew of it I would die in embarrassment and go rage happy on the person who leaked the information. Close family I don't mind
I'm going to grow up... Eventually
Last edited:
- Messages
- 2,241
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
I've found out who my real friend are.But 've had epilepsy since I was 2 years old.
I have a bunch of friends who could care less that I have epilepsyit's me they want to be around.
I have a bunch of friends who could care less that I have epilepsyit's me they want to be around.
Luckily, I have several very dear friends. Two that live in another county but we get together at least once or twice a month. My other dear friend lives in Alabama and we text and talk weekly. Then my son's mother-in-law is a good friend that I can talk to and be with. They all know I have E. Since I am well controlled, I have not really had to deal with issues concerning my "condition".
I am grateful that I am able to lead a normal and productive life. Grateful that I can drive. Grateful that I have good friends that I can talk to and they would be there for me.
I AM GRATEFUL!
M
I am grateful that I am able to lead a normal and productive life. Grateful that I can drive. Grateful that I have good friends that I can talk to and they would be there for me.
I AM GRATEFUL!
M
skyfire322
Stalwart
- Messages
- 335
- Reaction score
- 2
- Points
- 68
You are right, it is a very lonely condition.
I've been lucky enough in my life to meet genuinely good people who care. They don't look at me differently because of my condition. Most importantly, they don't treat me like a little kid.
There have been a few people that I have met who pretty much ran for the hills, but I'm glad they did. It just goes to show who my genuine friends are.
I've been lucky enough in my life to meet genuinely good people who care. They don't look at me differently because of my condition. Most importantly, they don't treat me like a little kid.
There have been a few people that I have met who pretty much ran for the hills, but I'm glad they did. It just goes to show who my genuine friends are.
jenagade
New
- Messages
- 166
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
I know what you mean, and I am an introverted person so E has sort of driven me more into hiding. Luckily I have a few very close friends who completely understand if I go off the grid for a while and are always there when I come back online. I've found the ones I've made since E have been people I've met at uni, so we share interests and they are also my "spotters" if I do happen to have a seizure.
Also I study computer science, and girls in comp sci are a rare commodity lol, and because most of the guys are stereotypical nerds, I repay them for being my spotters by being their wing woman haha.
Don't be afraid to go online for friends too, they don't have to be IRL friends, even just having someone to chat to can be good to help you feel less isolated.
Also I study computer science, and girls in comp sci are a rare commodity lol, and because most of the guys are stereotypical nerds, I repay them for being my spotters by being their wing woman haha.
Don't be afraid to go online for friends too, they don't have to be IRL friends, even just having someone to chat to can be good to help you feel less isolated.
If you can afford it a pet is nice too
Never been without a pet for more than a year so far in my life
http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com/forums/f21/any-shit-zu-owners-24463/ <|-- CUTIE ALERT! --|>
Never been without a pet for more than a year so far in my life
http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com/forums/f21/any-shit-zu-owners-24463/ <|-- CUTIE ALERT! --|>
- Messages
- 5,979
- Reaction score
- 989
- Points
- 268
I have a habit of listening in on other peoples conversations when I'm out. If I hear someone talking about a song, band, movie, tv show, restaurant, store, something to buy and things like that I may join into the conversation because I know about it or want to know more about it.
My husband yells at me for doing it but I always tell him if I wasn't a nosy person I would have never met him. When I was out I heard him talking about a band that I like and started talking about them with him. That was about 11 years ago now.
My husband yells at me for doing it but I always tell him if I wasn't a nosy person I would have never met him. When I was out I heard him talking about a band that I like and started talking about them with him. That was about 11 years ago now.
MAB
New
- Messages
- 926
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 0
I am in a Face Book group for people with epilepsy. It turns out one of the members lives only a few miles from me. We are meeting at the local Cracker Barrel for dinner tomorrow. Who know, it may blossom into a nice friendship. If not, we will at least have dinner and exchange stories about E and our families. Probably talk about ours kids, grand kids, husbands, etc. I want to ask her about her neuro. I like mine but she is in an unfamiliar area to me and I get very nervous driving in places I am not familiar with. Her doctor is much closer, he shares the same building with my PC doctor.
So you met your future husband via listening in on his conversation!?
- Messages
- 759
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 0
There isn't a special 'game' for people with E. I don't search for people that might understand E (how would you even do that?), I just socialise as normal.
During the process of introduction, my condition usually comes up when they find out I've only been living here a few months and they ask why I've moved to the godforsaken backwater lol
That's when I explain I 'retired' from my job coz of it and moved down to live on the coast, by my 2 best friends and their kids- now that I had all my free time back, and could live where I wanted again, close to my surrogate family.
if they then ask me more about the E, I'll quite happily tell them.
In the 20 years I've had it though, I've never met anyone who was bothered about it and stopped a potential relationship.
I have however, quit some long term live-together relationships, before I could cope with the keprage, and didn't want to put my partner through the grief of it.
They didn't want me to, and were happy to live with it and try help me through it, but I felt a real dick by being so angry randomly.
But nobody has ever wanted to stop being with me because of it, or the side effects.
Just get out there, go to bars/pubs, join clubs/groups, explore the neighbourhood, chat to the locals (I join with random strangers' conversations like val too lol).
Do everything you would to socialise if you didn't have E.
My "Don't worry, I've taken my MEDS" t-shirt is usually a way to bring it up when I'm chatting to people as well lol but I don't search for ways to drop it in the conversation, I just like that shirt coz it's a pun with my mates
Just be yourself, be friendly, sociable, and charming- the phone numbers flood in
Last edited:
- Messages
- 3,548
- Reaction score
- 96
- Points
- 213
Mr.21T
There is no "game" used to meet people by anybody with E, like SlimBlue has said you go out and meet people, find a hobby where you interact with people or go to the pup for a pint and a game of cards. Finding people who understand your situation is only going to happen if they have E as well, sorry but its true.
There is no "game" used to meet people by anybody with E, like SlimBlue has said you go out and meet people, find a hobby where you interact with people or go to the pup for a pint and a game of cards. Finding people who understand your situation is only going to happen if they have E as well, sorry but its true.
- Messages
- 5,979
- Reaction score
- 989
- Points
- 268
Yea. I was waiting in line for a concert when I heard him talking about a concert that he'd gone to, that I'd also gone to.
My mom and I snuck into the seats for the concert I met my husband at and I needed to go to the bathroom. I saw he was sitting a few rows back from us and asked if I could borrow his ticket so I'd be able to get back into the seats. He gave me his ticket and I thought it was really nice and wrote my phone number on the ticket. Got a call the next day from him and we went on our first date. We both still laugh about this story!