What is "unable to work"?

[masterjen]

I think it does help to feel you're doing even the smallest thing for someone who needs you.

I completely agree. Doing things for yourself in an effort to make yourself happy only goes so far. Helping others get a task done, achieve a goal, or make some aspect of their life a little better or easier is much more satisfying than doing something that only benefits yourself.
Case in point: I've been working toward decluttering and trying to make my small condo work better for me, but with everything I do I'm left feeling like "so what?" But after helping someone inch one step closer to their fitness goals during a training session, a day of volunteering, or even accompanying an elderly neighbor with furniture shopping like I did on Saturday, my level of satisfaction at least somewhat approaches what I had when I was working.

Tell me this: why is our life satisfaction so intertwined with working?? Why can't we feel like our lives are truly worth something when we are not working???

 

[Cint]

Tell me this: why is our life satisfaction so intertwined with working?? Why can't we feel like our lives are truly worth something when we are not working???

Because over the years of society, the changes from hunters/gatherers to the present day industrial revolution and our past-paced society has led us all to believe that more is better, therefore we all must work in order to be happy. When I was growing up, my mother first started working. Back then, women were "just secretaries". Then I was in high school and they were coming out with the fancy mag card machines. Ha! Now my daughter works as a computer programmer. I don't have a "job" outside the home, but am often asked, "What do you do?" That is part of the reason we feel like are lives are worth something when we have a job. Because society tells us. Now I just tell others I don't have a job anymore because of health issues and I don't drive. Do I struggle with it? You bet! But the life we have been given is what we make of it, so it is up to each one of us to do the best we can while here on this earth. Is your cup half empty or half filled?

 

[masterjen]

So on a day you're feeling so-called normal, what do you do? What do you do that makes you look back on your day in the evening and say "Yup, I'm satisfied with what I accomplished, my day was worthwhile. My day MEANT something."

 

[Cint]

So on a day you're feeling so-called normal, what do you do? What do you do that makes you look back on your day in the evening and say "Yup, I'm satisfied with what I accomplished, my day was worthwhile. My day MEANT something."

Depends on how I'm feeling. I read a lot of books about neuro-science. I go to book stores, libraries, I write, I see friends, family. I used to do volunteer work at the hospital. Why does everyone feel the NEED to accomplish something in order to be worthwhile. Isn't staying alive worthwhile? Be able to walk, breathe, see, means something to me, especially after seeing so many really disabled folks when I go in to see my neuro and when I go to dialysis with my father.
Have you ever been there?

 

[kirsten]

For me, it's not really about what society thinks of me if I work. I enjoy what I do. If I wasn't doing it, I'd be hanging out with friends, watching DVDs, reading all day, and I wouldn't have a part of my life that was goal driven, that would give me that sense of satisfaction that yes, I did well today. When I work, the time goes by well. When I'm down, work is the best thing to throw myself into to get through the day. And I keep myself on an upward slope, trying to improve what I produce all the time. That's immensely satisfying. I don't like it when people ask me what I do. I'm not really sure why. It certainly doesn't give me a sense of being someone in the world. It just makes me feel awkward. But I do like taking care of myself. As long as there is some way that I can stay independent, no matter how ill I feel, I will do it. If I were really too ill to work, I would have the internal knowledge that I really couldn't work, and I'd be at peace with that. I'd feel I was being honest with myself and I wouldn't feel guilty. It can be a difficult position to arrive at-am I really too ill to support myself? Ultimately, I think it's about being honest with myself, and I feel I am being honest. I think I push myself too hard--my doctor told me I need to start napping during the afternoon and I haven't done that even though I can feel myself struggling to stay awake. This morning I just felt too ill to sit up so I slept for a couple of hours, but it really left me admonishing myself, and I didn't deserve that. I do need to be kinder.

 

[kirsten]

Depends on how I'm feeling. I read a lot of books about neuro-science. I go to book stores, libraries, I write, I see friends, family. I used to do volunteer work at the hospital. Why does everyone feel the NEED to accomplish something in order to be worthwhile. Isn't staying alive worthwhile?

Thing is, Cint, these things that you do are accomplishments. Those days when I scrub down every inch of my apartment, I feel really great about what I've done. I feel satisfied. In my country it's not typical to clean your own place--I keep doing it for myself because of how I feel afterwards. Volunteer work is an accomplishment. So is writing and getting through those books. People who can create enough structure for themselves purely through being alive are better people than me. I need the structure virtually created for me. I need a reason to get up early and get dressed, to do something useful, to keep a good schedule. I'm horrible without work. And in my case, work is my hobby, so that also makes a difference.

 

[Cint]

I don't like it when people ask me what I do. I'm not really sure why. It certainly doesn't give me a sense of being someone in the world. It just makes me feel awkward.

I find it socially awkward to have someone ask me. I feel like responding with,"What do I do about what?" There are better ways to make conversation.

But I do like taking care of myself. As long as there is some way that I can stay independent, no matter how ill I feel, I will do it. If I were really too ill to work, I would have the internal knowledge that I really couldn't work, and I'd be at peace with that. I'd feel I was being honest with myself and I wouldn't feel guilty. It can be a difficult position to arrive at-am I really too ill to support myself? Ultimately, I think it's about being honest with myself, and I feel I am being honest. I think I push myself too hard--my doctor told me I need to start napping during the afternoon and I haven't done that even though I can feel myself struggling to stay awake. This morning I just felt too ill to sit up so I slept for a couple of hours, but it really left me admonishing myself, and I didn't deserve that. I do need to be kinder.

Do be honest with yourself. Be kinder.

 

[masterjen]

That's it, Kirsten - you gave me the words I couldn't quite come up with - thank you!

First is goal driven. I am by nature very goal driven, hence the years of schooling and then my job. Now I feel like I am in conflict: my nature says "set those goals; achieve something", yet the mental and physical ability to do so is not there much of the time. My innate drive is there but the rest of me doesn't perform up to where my "drive" says I should be.
It's an adjustment I am having a difficult time with. It's one thing to tell someone (like my Mum and doctor do) to "set simpler goals". How does one do that, and still feel satisfied?

 

[Cint]

My innate drive is there but the rest of me doesn't perform up to where my "drive" says I should be.
It's an adjustment I am having a difficult time with. It's one thing to tell someone (like my Mum and doctor do) to "set simpler goals". How does one do that, and still feel satisfied?

Try seeing a counselor who specializes in brain trauma. Plus only you can convince yourself that you are not the same person you once were. Your brain isn't "firing" like it did.

 

[masterjen]

Your thought about seeing a counselor is a good one and one I will keep in mind, but this goal/drive issue is only a couple of weeks old and me being me, I'd still like to trying to working it out on my own. Along with helpful tips from those who have been there

 

[Dolores]

It's an adjustment I am having a difficult time with. It's one thing to tell someone (like my Mum and doctor do) to "set simpler goals". How does one do that, and still feel satisfied?

I don't live to work, I work to live. My horses most of all provide me with a satisfaction I had not known before. And my goal is unreachable - to master the art of classical horsemanship. For "dancing with horses" to be as natural to me as it is to my trainer.

People have told me to lower my expectations and I just smile and reply no, if I keep working towards the seemingly impossible I don't know how far I will get but I know it will be further than I ever expected.

I have a wonderful example in my new horse who I never considered looking for until my beloved 32 year old died this January. I won't bore you with the long story (however it is quite amazing how everything came together), just let me say that I now am the proud "mom" of my Andalusian and an incredibly well-bred Hanoverian warmblood. Never in a million years did I think I would own a horse like Weltcom. But then again, I don't limit myself to my expectations or abilities.

I don't have "simpler goals" but I do make the steps simpler. Rather than expecting right now to be able to ride brilliantly is not an option (I've been sick most of May and my head is just coming out of the fog). So I focus on trying to get 2 steps done well. And eventually I do know that it will all come together.

Sorry for going on so; and I do hope that makes some sort of sense. If not, can I blame it on the fog that is hovering over my head?!

 

[DPM123]

Yes. I too am in category UNABLE TO WORK due to the symptoms of my NEAD (non epiliptec attack disorder)........ these "episodes" come "at will" & usually with no advance warning..... and, like others, I too have been let go on a job where they were AFRAID i would be INJURED on the job (thus a LIABILITY to them), from my condition.......
Technically i guess that would be MEDICALLY PREJUDICED, but try proving that.......
Mind you, I have worked 2-3 jobs most my life (since 15 yrs old, making that over 25 yrs)....... Its already VERY FRUSTRATING that since this CONDITION has not yet been Medically Recognized as a DISABILITY, I have been shot down by the DISABILITY BOARD 3x in 6 yrs......... and yet, have had to move back in with my Mother, who is aging & not in perfect health & my condition & needs right now are alot on HER, but all because my INABILITY TO HOLD A JOB, due to the ongoingness & so far UNtreatability by the Medical facility of my NEAD................... I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO FUNCTION ENOUGH TO WORK A FULLTIME JOB AGAIN, but am UNABLE as of this time (and for the past 8 yrs)............ though i have really tried.......

 

[knothing]

Can you work and maintain a quality of life that is acceptable and are you putting yourself in danger?
If the memory goes due to seizures it is hard to find anything to do.How will you find an employer that will pay a decent wage for someone that can't remember all the job requirements? How long is it going to take to get to work and who are you relying on to get there? Is the work environment safe to have a seizure in, or will you work space maim or kill you? What is better for your family?
There are so many factors to consider when determining this it is staggering. Then there is how bad you want to work. I have an aunt with a disability and a doctor pleading her to stop working because the job is just killing her (no safe job for her). She likes it there and does not want to lose her last remaining thing that keeps her from total boredom. She would rather suffer than never work again. What does this make her able to work or able to suffer physical torment beyond most others?

This is just a personal judgement call and sadly no black or white answer. It is all shades of grey matter.

 

[Matthew74]

Thank you all.

Knothing: Your definition, "Can you work and maintain a quality of life that is acceptable and are you putting yourself in danger?" is helpful.

I have been thinking about it and decided that "ability to work" should take four things into account...

1. You must be capable of working full time, on any daytime schedule, 5 weekdays a week. Full time would be defined as 40 hours, full time as defined by the employer if less than 40 hours, OR sufficient daytime hours to provide a sustainable income with health coverage adequate to your condition.

2. You must have access to a suitable job. For example, you should already be able to get and perform that job, and openings must be available. You must have adequate transporation, for example, less than an hour commute by public transportation.

3. That job must not result in a decline in health. All jobs have some health risks, which is ok, but the job should not result in greater disability.

4. A person who cannot otherwise meet these criteria may still be considered "able to work" if they are already working, financially secure, have health coverage, and are not experiencing greater disability because of that work. If someone could meet these criteria with training, medical attention, etc., then they must have immediate access to these.

Does that sound reasonable?