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Hi. About year ago I was diagnosed with pseudoseizures when one afternoon I started convulsing and hallucinating after taking a few hits of cannabis. Nothing was wrong with the weed itself, as I smoked more of it the next day without any negative side effects.
What was strange about the seizure was before the convulsions began, I started having a strange spiritual/scientific epiphany about atoms and how I was made up of what was basically the same "stuff" as everything in the room around me. It wasn't as though I did know this fact, but it had a deeper meaning to me than it ever had before. It was like a Carl Sagan moment, inside I wanted to comment on how we are all made of star stuff.
However, the more I mulled over these thoughts, it made me feel connected yet disconnected from the universe. Then, it noticed that the room started appearing to have a rippling effect, like throwing a rock in a pond, but it was blurry and everything was bright colorful around me. I also saw colorful spots of light blinking around me. I started having convulsions after I realized my thoughts were beginning to disturb me. All of a sudden my arms and legs started shaking. My boyfriend was with me, holding my arms down so I was laying back into the couch and wouldn't get injured. I tried to tell him that I needed an ambulance, but I had a hard time getting the words out. The room became dark and I was started to lose consciousness, but after a few seconds I started snapping out of it after my boyfriend started asking me questions and trying to calm me. It took a about a minute for the shaking to stop and I felt extremely tired afterwards. I remember laying down and fell asleep immediately on the couch.
Also, what was strange was I remember giggling and talking nonsense about what happened when I regained most of my consciousness. I asked my boyfriend if he thought I really had a seizure. I was confused about what happened to me I didn't know what to think and decided that I didn't want to go to the hospital.
Later, I had second seizure about 6 months after the first one. I was having an heated argument with my boyfriend. I became scared that he wanted to leave me. It was a really emotionally overwhelming thought. I then started shaking all over and began to bite a pillow laying next to me. It quickly exacerbated into violent convulsions. I started making huffing noises and screaming uncontrollably and trashing around in bed. My boyfriend thought I was throwing a fit, but then realized I didn't have control. I remember briefly putting my hand over my mouth to muffle the screaming, because I thought the neighbors would call the cops, it was that loud. It appeared, however, that I had some mild control at points during the seizure. The screaming was the weirdest part, because I felt like something was broken inside me and causing the screaming to go on for what felt like forever. I remember sitting up and trying to grab a trash can, even while my arms were still shaking because I became nauseated and thought I was going to throw up all over the bed. I didn't really understand what was going on. This time I begged my boyfriend to call an ambulance. I felt noodley in my legs when I got out of bed and walked with the paramedics. I felt disoriented and exhausted, yet strangely joyful.
The paramedics came and told me I didn't really have a seizure, as I never lost total consciousness or wet myself. My doctor came to visit me in the ER and told me I had a psychogenic seizure cause by anxiety. I believed him, but I felt like more was going on. I remember feeling elated when he came in. I was floaty feeling and had closed eye hallucinations.
I went to see a neuro and they ran an EEG and MRI, which all came back negative. I argued with my doctor because my mother had epilepsy and I knew it was hereditary. They didn't want to put me on any medication because I was taking Xanax and Neurontin for anxiety. I did have anxiety, but it was because I was not feeling well. They just shooed me away and said there was no chance they were epileptic.
But I was already diagnosed with other neuro problems (gastroparesis, cyclic vomiting syndrome and neuropthy) these episodes where my nervous system feels sensitive, much in the same way a migraine feels, but all over my body. I sometime become severely nauseated and occasionally vomit. I tremble or have jerking and mild automatisms (lip smacking, walking around without any reason, tics and various involuntary foot and hand movements). Sometimes I become confused to the point it takes me 5xs longer to complete tasks at work, counting things or I will have a hard time paying for things at self-checkouts (because I commonly have to dig out three cards to pay for everything). Something about checking out by myself sets symptoms off.
I did some research on seizures and read that people with epilepsy usually have their eyes open during the seizure while PNES did not. I always have my eyes open. I told my doctor this and he became angry and kept saying it was impossible that I had epilepsy. The thing is, my seizures are not always triggered by stress (which is the cause of pnes). Sometimes light, lack of proper sleep or things that require a lot of thought is what usually sets me off.
I think I also have partial seizures because I have:
*emotional outbreaks of anger, fear, crying and laughter
*nausea/vomiting
*automatisms/fumbling
*vocalizations
*confusion
*hallucinations (visual, auditory and olfactory)
*impaired ability to understand writing or spoken words
*impaired cognition
*feeling severely hot or cold
*goosebumps (even when I am in a warm environment)
*feeling strange
*abnormal breathing
*abnormal heart rate
*difficulty urinating
*epigastric sensations
*buzzing and zapping all over my body
*twitching/muscle jerking
*visual distrubances (including brief partial blindness, spots, flashing lights, scotomas, visual snow, double vision, blurring, objects getting smaller or larger)
*staring
*numbness and tingling
*abdominal pain
*tightening of abdominal muscles
*smelling strange odors
*vertigo
*déjà vu
*feeling like I have ESP
*blackouts
*difficulty breathing
*dreamlike experiences
*spiritual thoughts, epiphanies and feelings (even though I am an atheist)
*strange, aggressive, hostile behavior (rages that get out of control and make me behave in ways I wouldn't normally do)
Sometimes I am convinced I have temporal lobe epilepsy because of the psychic symptoms of my seizures. It feels like I am on hallucinogens. I am skeptical of the PNES only diagnosis. My seizures have only gotten worse and more frequent. I am scared to go out alone for fear of getting hurt, and since I developed hostile behavior, I fear of doing something illegal, such as property damage, theft, cussing out bus drivers in my city. This behavior is not me. I am a gentle, kind person that is soft spoken and quiet in social settings. I feel like I have a monster inside me. I don't know how to control it or where to go for help. Could these be partial seizures?
I also wonder if Neurontin is making it worse or if it helps. It seems to help when I take it right away when I feel I am having an impending seizure. Can it make seizures worse?
What was strange about the seizure was before the convulsions began, I started having a strange spiritual/scientific epiphany about atoms and how I was made up of what was basically the same "stuff" as everything in the room around me. It wasn't as though I did know this fact, but it had a deeper meaning to me than it ever had before. It was like a Carl Sagan moment, inside I wanted to comment on how we are all made of star stuff.
However, the more I mulled over these thoughts, it made me feel connected yet disconnected from the universe. Then, it noticed that the room started appearing to have a rippling effect, like throwing a rock in a pond, but it was blurry and everything was bright colorful around me. I also saw colorful spots of light blinking around me. I started having convulsions after I realized my thoughts were beginning to disturb me. All of a sudden my arms and legs started shaking. My boyfriend was with me, holding my arms down so I was laying back into the couch and wouldn't get injured. I tried to tell him that I needed an ambulance, but I had a hard time getting the words out. The room became dark and I was started to lose consciousness, but after a few seconds I started snapping out of it after my boyfriend started asking me questions and trying to calm me. It took a about a minute for the shaking to stop and I felt extremely tired afterwards. I remember laying down and fell asleep immediately on the couch.
Also, what was strange was I remember giggling and talking nonsense about what happened when I regained most of my consciousness. I asked my boyfriend if he thought I really had a seizure. I was confused about what happened to me I didn't know what to think and decided that I didn't want to go to the hospital.
Later, I had second seizure about 6 months after the first one. I was having an heated argument with my boyfriend. I became scared that he wanted to leave me. It was a really emotionally overwhelming thought. I then started shaking all over and began to bite a pillow laying next to me. It quickly exacerbated into violent convulsions. I started making huffing noises and screaming uncontrollably and trashing around in bed. My boyfriend thought I was throwing a fit, but then realized I didn't have control. I remember briefly putting my hand over my mouth to muffle the screaming, because I thought the neighbors would call the cops, it was that loud. It appeared, however, that I had some mild control at points during the seizure. The screaming was the weirdest part, because I felt like something was broken inside me and causing the screaming to go on for what felt like forever. I remember sitting up and trying to grab a trash can, even while my arms were still shaking because I became nauseated and thought I was going to throw up all over the bed. I didn't really understand what was going on. This time I begged my boyfriend to call an ambulance. I felt noodley in my legs when I got out of bed and walked with the paramedics. I felt disoriented and exhausted, yet strangely joyful.
The paramedics came and told me I didn't really have a seizure, as I never lost total consciousness or wet myself. My doctor came to visit me in the ER and told me I had a psychogenic seizure cause by anxiety. I believed him, but I felt like more was going on. I remember feeling elated when he came in. I was floaty feeling and had closed eye hallucinations.
I went to see a neuro and they ran an EEG and MRI, which all came back negative. I argued with my doctor because my mother had epilepsy and I knew it was hereditary. They didn't want to put me on any medication because I was taking Xanax and Neurontin for anxiety. I did have anxiety, but it was because I was not feeling well. They just shooed me away and said there was no chance they were epileptic.
But I was already diagnosed with other neuro problems (gastroparesis, cyclic vomiting syndrome and neuropthy) these episodes where my nervous system feels sensitive, much in the same way a migraine feels, but all over my body. I sometime become severely nauseated and occasionally vomit. I tremble or have jerking and mild automatisms (lip smacking, walking around without any reason, tics and various involuntary foot and hand movements). Sometimes I become confused to the point it takes me 5xs longer to complete tasks at work, counting things or I will have a hard time paying for things at self-checkouts (because I commonly have to dig out three cards to pay for everything). Something about checking out by myself sets symptoms off.
I did some research on seizures and read that people with epilepsy usually have their eyes open during the seizure while PNES did not. I always have my eyes open. I told my doctor this and he became angry and kept saying it was impossible that I had epilepsy. The thing is, my seizures are not always triggered by stress (which is the cause of pnes). Sometimes light, lack of proper sleep or things that require a lot of thought is what usually sets me off.
I think I also have partial seizures because I have:
*emotional outbreaks of anger, fear, crying and laughter
*nausea/vomiting
*automatisms/fumbling
*vocalizations
*confusion
*hallucinations (visual, auditory and olfactory)
*impaired ability to understand writing or spoken words
*impaired cognition
*feeling severely hot or cold
*goosebumps (even when I am in a warm environment)
*feeling strange
*abnormal breathing
*abnormal heart rate
*difficulty urinating
*epigastric sensations
*buzzing and zapping all over my body
*twitching/muscle jerking
*visual distrubances (including brief partial blindness, spots, flashing lights, scotomas, visual snow, double vision, blurring, objects getting smaller or larger)
*staring
*numbness and tingling
*abdominal pain
*tightening of abdominal muscles
*smelling strange odors
*vertigo
*déjà vu
*feeling like I have ESP
*blackouts
*difficulty breathing
*dreamlike experiences
*spiritual thoughts, epiphanies and feelings (even though I am an atheist)
*strange, aggressive, hostile behavior (rages that get out of control and make me behave in ways I wouldn't normally do)
Sometimes I am convinced I have temporal lobe epilepsy because of the psychic symptoms of my seizures. It feels like I am on hallucinogens. I am skeptical of the PNES only diagnosis. My seizures have only gotten worse and more frequent. I am scared to go out alone for fear of getting hurt, and since I developed hostile behavior, I fear of doing something illegal, such as property damage, theft, cussing out bus drivers in my city. This behavior is not me. I am a gentle, kind person that is soft spoken and quiet in social settings. I feel like I have a monster inside me. I don't know how to control it or where to go for help. Could these be partial seizures?
I also wonder if Neurontin is making it worse or if it helps. It seems to help when I take it right away when I feel I am having an impending seizure. Can it make seizures worse?
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