Rae1889
Veteran
- Messages
- 2,655
- Reaction score
- 9
- Points
- 163
Well, I have that clouded feeling back. I hate it. it feels like I have something blocking or fogging my natural personality. don't get me wrong. I am far from depressed. I have a very realistic sense of thinking. If I dont like something, or something/someone upsets me then I attempt to fix the situation. or remove the situation. But I feel like my thinking and my attitude towards things is more apathetic than usual. it just doesnt make me feel giddy and happy chatty, as Occb says. It sucks butt. I miss "me" again. and I dont think that changing meds will help with this. As log as there is something "messing" with my brain chemicals and controling certain natural response then I feel "lost" in my brain.
Friday I got my TOM. it sucked big time. I was at work and didnt come prepared. So I made Chad bring me supplies. I felt "off" all day and had a few auras. some of which felt so strong I thought that the tonic clonic would be inevitable. so a few times I sat on the floor and waited for it to pass. Nothing happened
That night me and Chad had a fight. He had attempted to try and kick me out of a complex partial by doing the "nose push" thing again. He tried and it worked. only because it put me in so much pain. I had told him the first time he tried to not ever try it again, as it didnt work and it left my nose sensitive because he pressed up on that little bit of cartilage that forms the point of your nose. so I couldnt rub it or blow it for a bit because the pressure hurt. So because of the fight we didnt leave for Dunrea until about 8pm.
The drive was okay until we were about 45mins away and then it got so foggy. to the point where you could not see 5 feet in front of the car. I got super scared and wanted to pull over, but there was no shoulders at this point and if we pulled over, nodbody would see our hazard lights until it was too late. so we kept going. the 2 hour ride took us about 2 hours and 45 minutes because we drove 60km/hr the rest of the way home. fearing we could hit a deer or another car or go off the road if we missed a turn. once we were at his parents, i went straight to bed and slept like a log.
Saturday morning I got up at 9:30am and ate a small bowl of cereal. it wasnt gluten free as they dont really have anything that is GF in the house, and i would not force them to acommedate my new eating habits. That got me off to a bad start. at about 9:45 Chad and his dad and his brother scott went to brandon, leaving me in the house alone until his mother came back from work at noon. At one point I found myself standing on the balcony with no socks/shoes or jacket on. I must have let the dog in, and had a complex partial or longer absence when I walked out to call Nya.
His sister came early and was there at 11am, so i had less time to be alone. then her mum and aunt came and we went shopping for a bit. until about 4 or 5pm. I had forgot to take my pill that morning and for lunch I had a caesar salad. probably with non-GF dressing. so I felt even more funny. but I made it home and we had opened a bottle of wine and had supper *my next post will explain my frustration about the liquor mart* I drank a whole magnum of wine to myself *which is about 8 glasses, and it was 8%* definetely not a good idea, but i hadnt notice I drank that much until I went to pour myself another glass and the bottle was empty. *ooops*
went to bed that night at 1am. then had to be up at 7:30 to get myself ready for modeling at 10am. got there, they did my hair and makeup, and then got changed into the first dress and waited until 12:30 for the show to start. I had a tiny bowl of that cereal at 8am and then nothing until the modeling was over. which was at 1:45pm. We left the show. I did take my meds at 9am, but I still had a few auras. I think I may have had a short one on the runway as i tripped for what seemed like no reason. so it takes about an hour to get home,
so we didnt get in until 2:45. I still havent eaten anything and was super tired. I had been fighting falling alseep the whole ride home as i didnt want to have a seizure with only his mum and aunt in the car. *we dropped jacquie off at a friends place* because they would panic and probably shoved something in my mouth. regardless of how many times they've been told. The second I was in the house I stubled my way down the stairs and slept until 4:30 and then got up and had a small plate of nachos.
Then we got home and we stayed up until midnight and now im at work. took my pills at 9 and then have been sitting here groggy ever since.
Friday I got my TOM. it sucked big time. I was at work and didnt come prepared. So I made Chad bring me supplies. I felt "off" all day and had a few auras. some of which felt so strong I thought that the tonic clonic would be inevitable. so a few times I sat on the floor and waited for it to pass. Nothing happened
That night me and Chad had a fight. He had attempted to try and kick me out of a complex partial by doing the "nose push" thing again. He tried and it worked. only because it put me in so much pain. I had told him the first time he tried to not ever try it again, as it didnt work and it left my nose sensitive because he pressed up on that little bit of cartilage that forms the point of your nose. so I couldnt rub it or blow it for a bit because the pressure hurt. So because of the fight we didnt leave for Dunrea until about 8pm.
The drive was okay until we were about 45mins away and then it got so foggy. to the point where you could not see 5 feet in front of the car. I got super scared and wanted to pull over, but there was no shoulders at this point and if we pulled over, nodbody would see our hazard lights until it was too late. so we kept going. the 2 hour ride took us about 2 hours and 45 minutes because we drove 60km/hr the rest of the way home. fearing we could hit a deer or another car or go off the road if we missed a turn. once we were at his parents, i went straight to bed and slept like a log.
Saturday morning I got up at 9:30am and ate a small bowl of cereal. it wasnt gluten free as they dont really have anything that is GF in the house, and i would not force them to acommedate my new eating habits. That got me off to a bad start. at about 9:45 Chad and his dad and his brother scott went to brandon, leaving me in the house alone until his mother came back from work at noon. At one point I found myself standing on the balcony with no socks/shoes or jacket on. I must have let the dog in, and had a complex partial or longer absence when I walked out to call Nya.
His sister came early and was there at 11am, so i had less time to be alone. then her mum and aunt came and we went shopping for a bit. until about 4 or 5pm. I had forgot to take my pill that morning and for lunch I had a caesar salad. probably with non-GF dressing. so I felt even more funny. but I made it home and we had opened a bottle of wine and had supper *my next post will explain my frustration about the liquor mart* I drank a whole magnum of wine to myself *which is about 8 glasses, and it was 8%* definetely not a good idea, but i hadnt notice I drank that much until I went to pour myself another glass and the bottle was empty. *ooops*
went to bed that night at 1am. then had to be up at 7:30 to get myself ready for modeling at 10am. got there, they did my hair and makeup, and then got changed into the first dress and waited until 12:30 for the show to start. I had a tiny bowl of that cereal at 8am and then nothing until the modeling was over. which was at 1:45pm. We left the show. I did take my meds at 9am, but I still had a few auras. I think I may have had a short one on the runway as i tripped for what seemed like no reason. so it takes about an hour to get home,
so we didnt get in until 2:45. I still havent eaten anything and was super tired. I had been fighting falling alseep the whole ride home as i didnt want to have a seizure with only his mum and aunt in the car. *we dropped jacquie off at a friends place* because they would panic and probably shoved something in my mouth. regardless of how many times they've been told. The second I was in the house I stubled my way down the stairs and slept until 4:30 and then got up and had a small plate of nachos.
Then we got home and we stayed up until midnight and now im at work. took my pills at 9 and then have been sitting here groggy ever since.
