Doctor & Medical Jokes

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This one is a classic!


An internist, a surgeon and a pathologist decided that they were working too hard and that they should go duck hunting together. A couple of mornings later found them sitting in a duck blind waiting for the birds. Pretty soon a bird appeared on the horizon. The internist watched it carefully as it came over and said, "Gentlemen, observe the colorful plumage, the quacking call and the web feet trailing behind." As the bird disappeared out of range, he said, "Based on my observation, I would venture that we have seen a duck, but further tests may be necessary before we decide on a course of action." The other doctors looked blankly at him, but there was a slight sneer from the surgeon. It wasn’t long until another bird appeared. They waited until it came closer and then the surgeon leaped to his feet with his gun. Blam....Blamm...Blaaaammm.. Feathers and pieces of feet, blood and guts and bill exploded overhead. A sorry looking carcass fell into the blind. The surgeon turned to the pathologist and said, "Hey boy, would’ja mind runnin’ over and get that thing and tell me if it was a duck?"
 
A mother and her daughter were at the gynecologist’s office. The mother asked the doctor to examine her daughter.

"She has been having some strange symptoms and I’m worried about her," the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully and then announced, "Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."

The mother gasped, "That’s nonsense! Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men." She turned to the girl. "You don’t, do you, dear?"

"No, mumsy," said the girl. "Why, you know that I have never so much as kissed a man!"

The doctor looked from mother to daughter, and back again. Then, silently he stood up and walked to the window, staring out. He continued staring until the mother felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is there something wrong out there?"

"No, Madam," said the doctor. "It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and I was looking to see if another one was going to show up."
 
Lol

All very good jokes, Dr. Arvind! :roflmao: Very cute!:bigmouth:
 
LOL LOL LOL LOL
Thanks -- A good laugh is worth SO much
 
How do you tell the difference between a physician and a surgeon?
Wait outside the elevator doors at the hospital. The guy who puts his hands in to stop the door closing is a physician. The guy who puts his head in to stop them is a surgeon
 
This one's a classic:

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience."

"When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have intercourse with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I’ve had migraines for 17 years, and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I’m glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."
 
There’s a woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we’re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we." :D


A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I’m a vet - I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down."

A mechanic is working on a cardiothoracic surgeon's car. He says " Hey doc , can i ask you an honest question?" The doc says "sure". THe mechanic says " Look dc, we both do the same kind of work , i take the engine out carefully , fix what's wrong and put it back and if i mess up the car's dead . Why do you get paid 500 times what i do?". The doc smiles and says - "try doing it with the engine running."


Patient: Doctor!Doctor!I have a sore throat!
Doctor: Okay,go over to that window and stick your tongue out.
Patient: Will it cure me?
Doctor: No,I just don’t like the man next door.
 
Laughter is the best medicine!!

:clap::pop::roflmao::wave:

read entire thread - ya'll are the best!!

:clap::wave::clap:

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
 
what dose a surgoen do when a 10 yr old girl wakes in middle of surgey and starts watching?he panicks
 
Medical Joke...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have
dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip
to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells
the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family
pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time
and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and
meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy
goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents
are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes,
and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes
pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."


The boy turns, and whispers back.........







...... "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
 
TENNIS ELBOW:
A guy has severe pain in his elbow and it hurts hs male pride to visit a doctor. So he decides to go to the pharmacy to see what the guy can give him over the counter. The pharmacist says - you know, we've got a diagnosing machine that can tell you exactly what you have and give you meds just by your urine sample. Why don't you give it a try? So the guy puts his urine sample in the machine and after strange sounds emanating from the machine , a small ATM-receipt-like paper comes out. It reads " You have tennis elbow. Take plenty of rest and these pain pills.". The man is deeply impressed and decides to test the limit of the machine. He takes urine samples from his wife and daughter , a stool sample from his dog and mixes them up with his own semen sample and goes to the store. This time the machine whizzes and whirs for a very long time and a long note comes out. It reads
" Your wife is pregnant with twins and they aren't yours. get a lawyer.
Your daughter is on drugs. Take her to rehab.
Your dog has worms. take him to a vet.
And if you don't stop jerking off , your tennis elbow will never get better!".
 
I think I just about died laughing
at that one Doc!

HILARIOUS!

:noevil:
 
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