neil129
This first one is just to get you awake. Only joking.
There are several english words that contain all 5 vowels. Can you name one? One contains all the vowels in order. Can you name it? ( a tuff one )
A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.
"No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan ."
Just to show there are some Scotsmen who deeply think.
A major International company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name? After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first, from Canada , says "My answer is, there IS no answer."
The second, from England , says "My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."
The third one, from Scotland , says "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names.
It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer." The Scotsman got the job.
A cute Highland girl was giving a manicure to a man in Dunkeld barber shop. The man said, " How about a date later ? " She said, " I'm married."
" So call up your husband and tell him you're going to visit a girlfriend." She replied, " You tell him yourself- he's shaving you."
fft: